Chapter 1

Jamie LeFebvre Hakeem

Disclaimer: This is not in “perfect” form. The heart is of my message is not to found in grammar, organization, or punctuation. Time is of the essence. Consider it an art undone…

My artistic style, in hopes to one day be remembered as a movement, is to leave my work only as it is- only in its truest form. So far removed from what it should be not- not what others expect of art or expression-but how it is expressed by me, only as I AM, never as I am not. “What is and What Should Never Be” (Led Zeppelin, II, 1969, Track 2.) To those that consider my work as fragmented folies, I accept this feedback-only if it belongs to you honestly. Honestly, how you see your sights, how you hear your thoughts, how you infer your feelings- it is out of my control. You may fail to recognize this, but just as it is out of my control, it is rapidly becoming out of yours as well. Resulting as a direct consequence from the actions of the multitude. Need not blame the government- for this one is being committed by its constituents, while the forces that be sit and watch with delight. Think of the “Hunger Games” reversed. Communities across the country, kindling this new control which, in my opinion, will cause the republic to collapse.

I worked in the public school system up until very recently. I made the difficult decision to resign, as I felt so entirely burn-out in this position with the burden of paperwork and all of the “duties” that take away from what I am there to do, help the children communicate. I absolutely adore my students and they forever live in my hearts, even if I am no longer employed and no longer get to see them on a daily basis. Their art and their expressions that they have given to me are adorned and displayed throughout my house. I believe that by me leaving a position where I was not being heard or seen, is setting an example to my students. The example being to follow your heart, to live your life for you, and to not be afraid to be misunderstood.

While I was employed during this school year, I witnessed, to an exhaustive degree, scenarios where educators are verbally “tearing apart” other teachers, for their own beliefs and medical choices. There is so much wrong with what is going on, in a lot of atmospheres, and I hope that we can one day make it right. Let’s start off with this. Educators are meant to educate not authoritate (I believe I just created a new verb tense for authoritative). Educators are not meant to teach or to preach children their own personal belief system. In fact, it is very vital to abstain or to refrain from publicly identifying your beliefs and values. An educator is to appear neutral in all highly debated, political, or religious topics in order to not influence a child’s mind or a child’s ability to choose. Educators, if great, are to educate all sides, all perspectives, all beliefs, creating an environment of choice. However, I find that if adult educators are verbally bashing other adult educators for their own medical choices regarding their own bodies- my perception or intuition indicates otherwise. If this experience is happening outside of the classroom with adults, there is a greater chance of this happening inside the classroom with the little humans. Now, this may not be in fact true, as I said it is my perception. However, a lot can be told by viewing the character of how someone treats someone else based solely on their differences.

That “joining in with the crowd mentality”, that all stopped for me. It stopped long before I resigned. In fact, when I started to no longer participate and/or tolerate those tendencies, life for me as an educator got increasingly difficult. This was not by the little humans by any means, it was by the staff, the adults who viewed my indifference and my independence as a threat, instead of what it was, my right to choose. The social committee. Oh- for the fucking love- the social committee. It deeply pains me that one could be treated this way down any avenue- but as educators who are to remain nonpartisan- this deeply pains me.

The social committee- what a paradox. People having to join a committee to be “social” with their staff. Also, in order to join this social committee, you are required to pay (insert hysterical laugh). Just let that sink in for one second. I never had to pay anyone in order to be social previously in my life, I was damned if I was about to start then. So I didn’t and the result? I was bullied. By several “grown” women who needed to tear me down in order to make themselves feel better. It was awful and I distanced myself further, realizing that individuality even by those that educate, meant nothing. This was one specific incident, and it did not include everyone. I considered myself a nomad, being transitioned to several buildings, wherever there was a need. There was no consistency, which sometimes is a great thing, change is usually beneficial even if it does not seem so at the time.

I am not admitting no fault here. Have I gossiped before? Yes. Have I once joined in on disliking someone because my work colleagues disliked someone, or someone had in fact, mistreated them? Yes. I did change my behavior and realized that I don’t want to be a part of the problem anymore. I do not and will not engage in that behavior because it creates an unhealthy ego, and it facilitates this divisive environment. A pattern of behavior in which we all need to immediately retreat! I will no longer censure someone for a difference of opinion. Just as I, they are entitled to their own belief, their own belief, their own right to religion and freedom of self-expression. If I cannot accept and if I force them to adhere to my wishes and wants, that is totalitarian. If their opinions destroy me or those that I care about, I may rightfully choose not to be surrounded by them, if they prove toxic to my well-being. However, even then, I will still shine light and love to them, just perhaps, at a distance in hopes that they too, will see the light.

My point to the previously mentioned is, why are we becoming so distraught over others’ choices that have no bearing upon our own body or mind? If you work somewhere and are afraid of getting the covid because other employees will not get the shot, then you have choices within your control, but you should never resort to attempting to control others. First and foremost, we should never have known who and who did not get the shot. Mistake number one. You have the power to control your own individual environment, however, immediate reaction is not considering of that fact. They could take a leave of absence if the fear is too great. They could find another job perhaps if necessary, being afraid of exposure due to the number of individuals they are in contact with by the duties necessitated in their job description. What truly terrifies me this is the instinct to control others versus our own, setting up an authoritative avenue, one in which I would never choose not to walk down.

We must remind ourselves that we are not in control of other people; we cannot demand them to believe our personal beliefs. If a teacher, employee, student etc did not want to get a shot, it is not up to another teacher to determine if that is an appropriate choice- for it is not theirs. We have a right to say what we put into our bodies, and we have a right to our own medical decisions. We, as a universe, have made THE BIGGEST mistake by telling others our personal medical information and/or vaccination status to anyone outside of our doctors. This is going to be a great unravelling of privacy and confidentiality, as this process has already been demonstrated. I guarantee that those who imposed their beliefs upon medical choices of others are going to soon regret their authoritativeness when that karmic energy returns to them in some way, as it always will. What we put out, eventually we must receive back to us.

I learned that by following along with the multitudes for likeness, that negative energy in which I was creating and omitting into the universe, indeed came back to me. My health and body would become physically and mentally exhausted. In and out of doctor’s offices, scans, labs, biopsies- I did not realize the cause at the time, but now I think I do. I do not know how it is in other fields of employment, but as I have seen it in the field of public education, many retirees immediately, after terminations, become ill, sometimes even terminally. I do believe with every ounce of my being that this represents a physical manifestation of so much negative energy. Being in environments that produce negative mindsets is just as toxic of an environment that creates by-products containing toxic gases. The poisonous agents such as Co2, lead, etc, may contribute to a faster physical decline but poisonous mindsets and negative energies are just as toxic. I do not have “the science” to prove that but I have my own experience and that in of itself is enough- at least for me. Again, not to sound selfish or shrewd, it is not about you or the others, as I want you to remember this throughout this reading experience. It is not about the others; it is about you. So very little of your life as it exists today is about you, so make yourself a necessity before it is estimated illegal. When your “days of days” have exhausted and you are faced with your own judgement, the others you blindly followed throughout your life- need not be found. It is you- so "Come as you are" (Nirvana, Nevermind, 1992, Track 3) to face the music- alone to face your own judgement. I pray you all find the light because from there, everything changes.

While taking a break from writing this, I briefly looked to news on my cell phone. The first article to catch my eye is a headline stating something along the lines of being cautious when posting on social media, as not to offend anyone. I believe that it was more directed toward public figures or bloggers on social forums. The message was that one should be aware of the offense caused by their thoughts/words expressed. This is my overall point with this chapter-regardless of cause of offense- you still have the right to express yourself through speech. For those that do not like it, again, they cannot control the way you think. If they do not like what you have to say, they do not have to listen. You should not censure who you are in this world as afraid it may offend someone else. Because, honestly, whatever you say- is going to offend someone. Simply put, we are all different and we do not have to believe in all the same ideas in order to live in this “land of the free. The thing that needs to be addressed is that for those that it offends, you must ask yourself- why? Do you know exactly why it offends you? Side note- WHY DID WE EVER STOP ASKING WHY? I learned this from one of my students, we will call her little L. She recently reminded me how it is vital to NEVER STOP ASKING WHY! Is it some preconceived notion or some generational trend that has been long taught in your family? Maybe your instinct is to automatically react instead of seek reasoning? My intention here is not of contention, my intention here is to provoke your process of thought, to illuminate your own patterns of thought. To engage in your metacognitive skills in order to think about your thinking. There is so much to learn and the best way to do that you ask? It is to learn from those that you do not understand. You may never leave that conversation with assimilated beliefs and that is OK! But you do have a chance to extend your kindness and understanding of the common denominator… that we are all beings given the gift of thought and perception. Please do not waste it.

To put this chapter out into the “Universe”, it may offend some of my previous colleagues, rightfully so. However, this is my personal reflection, my right to free speech, so therefore it is only of mine. How it is interpreted, is left not to me but to you, to think and to identify that for yourself. It deeply pains me that I have observed these actions by administrators and educators, but me speaking or expressing how I feel about another’s actions is universally unaccepted? In this instance, one must ask of themselves- is it with me speaking my thoughts that offenses them or the fact light was shown upon their actions of mercilessness or misunderstanding? Our constitutional right to speak freely is something that should never be regarded as invaluable, it should be held up to the highest regard. We shall all protect it- let it the olive branch. Let it unify us to be different but also understood. Let us realize that we need to work together to end this divide.

I know that someone may create the argument in opposition to the previous idea regarding Trump being removed from Twitter. Trump could have potentially fought this in that it impedes or violates his constitutional right of freedom of press, freedom of speech. Now, in my opinion, this man that has more pride and ego than he knows what to do with- I find myself very surprised that he did not fight this through the courts, as it appears that is what he wants to do with everyone who opposes him. I am assuming that would reflect poorly if the man were to possibly bring up a case with the courts of the county that he intends to yet run again. Also, I fear that Trump with his “fake news” and his desire to be only perceived in a righteous light, is now fueled for retribution. Since his right to free speech was taken from him in the form of a twitter account, I assume he now has a vendetta. That is again, only my own personal thought, nothing further.

Another thought, as President of the United States, why are you utilizing twitter as your platform to give your thoughts? You are the voice of a union, how about simply, um, a microphone? What a gift you have, being able to speak to the multitude and to have them (most) listen with their undivided attention? Peons, like us HAVE to resort to social media, but you sir, you were the ruler of this nation- which has yet to be great again, contrary to your red cap.

Mr. President, Mr. Trump? (I do not know how to formally address a previous president- not as if he is going to read this anyways) I want to let you know that I disagree with you about so much. I was not a supporter of yours. I do not believe that you have found the light and therefore, I do not think you should be running this country. I will tell you this, that I did some research on you and your background. I did this to learn about you because as previously mentioned, I whole heartedly believe that in order to grow as an individual, the best way to do that is to learn about people who are different than you. I will say I see some similarities between you and I. I believe that you and I were easily swayed towards majority opinion because we were not confident in ourselves to make an individual stance on anything. “You gotta stand for something, or you’ll fall for everything”. (John Mellencamp, Scarecrow, track 1. 1985) I am taking time currently to develop my sense of self, and my hopes for you is that you are too. Maybe you will come back in 2024 having seen the light, and maybe you will return to the election with a fresh perspective, seeing life as you never could have imagined it.

I want to move now to asking you- the reader a question. How infrequently or frequently do you, as an individual, create your own decisions, likes, dislikes, opinions, beliefs? When was the last time that you made an independent choice, free of input from others around you? I want you to stop. I want you to think. I want you to write it down. I will give you some space- push it onto the paper. Side note- originally, I was anticipating this to be in paper form, but time is of the essence. You can message me- I am unsure if there is that feature on vocal but if not, my Instagram is #thefeverlives, feel free to message me there.

Perhaps your decision or choice in which you made, was a breakfast, lunch, or dinner choice. Maybe you fancied Italian versus Mexican cuisine for dinner on Tuesday night. Maybe for breakfast, you chose eggs benedict over the Belgian waffle? Maybe you decided to call off work? Maybe you decided to change plans? Maybe you decided to change your mind about anything? Maybe you picked a new tv series? Maybe you went to bed early or late? How little do we sit and reflect upon how our once thought sovereign decisions regarding our own lives, maybe were not so independently formulated after all? As those choices you thought you made for breakfast, lunch, and dinner- may have subconsciously been controlled and predetermined for you. As you scroll through social media, subliminal messages are creating this path to our choices. Planting the seed- so to speak- that you may not even realize, or you do realize and just haven’t found a need to address this as of yet.

Now since you have answered my question, I want you to make me an effort. Every day, I want you to become more assertive in your decisions and make one independent decision every day. Say “no” if you really don’t want to do something. Say “I don’t like to engage in gossip” if someone is talking negatively about another. You will find that addressing that head on causes almost an immediate cease and desist to that negative energy around you. Then you will be known as a role model, the one those can look up to. Would you like to be talked about negatively? No, so don’t engage in it, furthermore, put an end to it. The golden role is always fashionable.

All I want for “you”-consisting not only my devotees, but also my disparagers-is to make me a promise. The promise I hope you to make is that, in this life from this day forward, start seeing it as your own. Your life is not property of the masses and it not to be lived through the eyes of a preconceived notion. The reverse, also be mindful that others have that same right as you. Take a moment for reflection, have you provided this opportunity for others around you? Have you allowed strangers and even familiars to create and to keep opinions and dedications as their own, without attempting reformation? Please choose to have the difficult conversations to prevent the chaos. Please build the meaningful relationships to invite indifferences. Please keep the love in your heart and find the light in your eye to end this destructive divisiveness.