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Caught With My Pants Down

A Parking Lot Full of Embarrassment

By Meko KaprelianPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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A story where I was literally caught with my pants down

What I'm about to share is both extremely gross and utterly embarrassing. My story will end with me in a very vulnerable and compromising position with my pants down caught in an unavoidable epically disgusting act. This is the kind of story that doesn't take too long to get to the point, where I reveal to you my life's most awkwardly awful moment. My admission here will have you both grossed out and feeling absolutely sorry for me in my moment of shame. However, before I can conclude with my dubious episode I have to take you all back to where I contracted the issue which would lead to my disaster in a San Diego Parking lot back in the fall 2006.

I have had a long and distinguished military career as a US Navy Diver. Earlier in my service my unit's diving detachment was sent to Thailand to do recoveries in the aftermath of the Tsunami in December of 2004. For the first six month of 2005 I was deployed to Thailand and other locations throughout South-east Asia to include a final stop in Cavite City, Philippines. It was there in that final stop of our deployment I contracted a horrible case of dysentery one that left me expelling from both ends, just about every 30 minutes. With a flight home scheduled in the next 24 hours I took a larger than recommended dose of Imodium AD to prevent myself from having diarrhea on the flight home. This tactic worked in the short term; however, the unintended consequences that it left me with was an extremely out of whack digestive system and episodes of Irritable Bowl Syndrome (IBS). Once I was back home this problem for me lasted more than a year's time. The condition left me with extreme bowl pains and the feeling of intense urgency to relieve myself after eating certain foods. Symptoms waned as time passed with episodes becoming less and less frequent. Mid-2006 seen the episodes just about non-existent.

In the fall of 2006 my diving detachment had a training course and exercise to conduct in San Diego, CA. Instead of taking part of the government vehicle convoy from our unit's location in Port Hueneme, CA to the Amphibious Base on Coronado Island in San Diego I got authorization to drive my own personal truck there and back; this decision would come to play a fateful role in my ultimate moment of demise. Classes and training lasted for two weeks and upon completion another diving detachment member hitched a ride back with me to our homeport. Before we got too far on the road, Bill and I thought it would be a good idea to eat prior to the three to four hour drive we had ahead of us during rush hour traffic. We agreed upon Taco Bell, went through the drive through and ate it in my truck all to save time and get back to driving home ASAP.

Both of us now full and content we were just about ready to get back onto the highway. Out of nowhere and all of a sudden I felt the bubbling, stinging shooting pains in my abdomen with immense pressure building up to which put me into a quiet panic, leaving me to sweat profusely out of nervousness that I may not be able to hold what's brewing. I knew there was no way to ignore what was knocking at the back door and try to hold it until I found a comfortable place to relieve myself. We were too far from Taco Bell and the row of restaurants we came from which led me to finally tell Bill , "My stomach hurts and I'm going to have to find a place to go number 2 immediately". Of course he laughed at my expense, feeling the comedy in my despair of the situation. I finally after driving for what seemed like 10 minutes, found what looked to be a very large empty parking lot with a corporate building set pretty far off from the access points. I let Bill know this parking lot is going to be the place because I can no longer hold what's going on down below.

The parking lot was basically empty except for a few parked cars way up by the building that was a good distance away from where I hastily parked my truck and fervently sprang out going to the bed to ran-sack my bags until I found a towel for post clean-up and with what felt like not a second more to spare I yanked down my pants to my knees and squatted while resting my back up against the tire and rim of the truck. Just as I close my eyes, take a deep breath in, and let out a sigh of relief that I'm not going to be caught crapping my pants in front of a a coworker and friend, I open my eyes to the sound of foot steps, and see from my position what looked like a tall security guard telling me to get up and leave, that this isn't a place to relieve yourself because he'll be forced to call the police if I do. Looking up at the Guard I say, "You can stand there and watch me take a crap or walk away a give me some privacy, either way I'm doing this because I can no longer hold it". The security guard realizing that I was serious and what ever tin-badge, night-stick authority he believed he had, it wasn't going to impress me or be enough to prevent me from losing my bowels right in front of him. With that interaction and the first splat of feces to hit the ground the guard looking disgusted and surprised that I was really relieving myself right in front of him with out shame, finally turned around to walk away. There I sit, back propped up against my truck's dirty rear tire, with my pants pulled down, engaged in the gross act of expelling diarrhea in an open public parking lot being watched by a security guard before he walked away shaking his head while reporting over his radio the disgustingly odd episode he just encountered.

I can report due to my luck and probably more so to do with that guard's sympathy for my embarrassing situation, that the police where not called upon me that evening; however, my friend and passenger, Bill was extremely amused at my expense (I could hear his laughter throughout my entire troubles) and couldn't wait to tell my embarrassing story to the rest of our detachment when we were all together again; to which he did, earning me a lot of teasing for a long time afterwards. However, for me in that instance the fear of discomfort and the shame I would have felt if I let loose in my pants was far greater than that of actually being caught with my ass out and in the act of defecating by another person. I am happy to report that, the grossly embarrassing moment I had to endure back in 2006 that was brought on by IBS issues I contracted while deployed to South-east Asia, was the very last one I have ever had since then. However, life was going to ensure that I move on from IBS with a bang and be the subject of a highly embarrassing moment, the kind of moment you never should reveal to anyone; until now.

Embarrassment
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About the Creator

Meko Kaprelian

I love the adventure in traveling and how it realigns your social compass to help point you in the right direction. We are here on Earth to learn from one another not destroy each other. I hope to learn from writers here on Vocal.

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