Boom Boom Watkins

Boom Boom Watkins had a metal rimmed purse with a fine mesh chain handle. She was a head taller than the rest of us in the 4th grade and could outrun any of the boys because of those great ostrich legs of hers. She was methodically beating up the boys in the class one by one. She would swing that purse like the little ancient man in "master of the flying guillotine"(my favorite B rated martial Arts movie at the time) I was pretty sure if she connected there would be death involved....

I asked dad how to handle bully's that are much larger than me and he, as usual, had great advise, "Well..." He sez, " Bully's always talk a lot 'cause they're enjoyin' the spectacle they've created...so if you're sure you can't get out of the fight...step in hit him in the stomach or the nose while he's flappin' his lips...you might not win the fight but that bully will never pick on you again...I guarantee it!"

I didn't correct the "he" part 'cause this was the early 70s...I didn't want my dad to know that me and my com-padres were being terrified by a large sullen girl...

Sure enough...my turn came sooner than expected. It didn't help that she heard me sing the chant us boys came up with...I was going overboard with caricaturization and singing too loudly before a small group of friends, "When you go out to play...Stay outta Boom Boom's way...she's big 'n' ugly and super mean...she stinks like poop and her teeth are gree...." WHUMP...the purse hit me in the back. I turned around slowly. There she stood...nostrils snorting like a thoroughbred after a race...no chance she didn't hear my animated version of her song....My fans scattered to a safe distance...

She looked down at me,"I'm going to make you hurt so bad..." she said in an even suppressed tone. I knew she could. I'd seen her do it to other boys much larger than myself...she continued, "When I'm done with you you'll be lucky to..." That was when scrawny me hit her in her unprepared stomach with my bony balled up fist...I knew how to punch. There were six boys in my family and my one sister was the second toughest kid in that overcrowded Los Angeles school of 5000 lower middle class scholars...

She crumpled to the ground and lay there gasping. One of the yard monitors blew her whistle from afar and sprinted (okay fast-waddled...) across the jungle of junior miscreants to where I stood gape jawed in surprise over my vanquished foe who was still doing a gold fish out of water impression and only now was beginning to cry hysterically. I'm pretty sure the hysterics were due to the shock of actually having been hit for the first time ever. No one had ever tested the giant Up till now all the boys had just taken it...it was the early 70s after all and BOYS DON'T HIT GIRLS...even if they're monsters. But my sister's steady poundings had rendered me absolutely insensitive to the fairer sex...I knew what beasts lay beneath braids and knee socks. I was done with sugar n spice...when someone outweighs you by 30lbs of muscle and is 13 inches taller the rules go out the window.

Well...dad had to come to school for a special meeting and after pointing out the obvious to the principal and Jennifer's...uhhh...Boom Boom's parents he stood up and said, "I think we're done here right? Come on Teddy let's go..." And out the door we went. As I got in the passenger seat of his '66 Plymouth Valiant he turned to me with his ice blue eyes and said with his most serious look, "No more hitting girls...even if they ARE monsters...next time just run."

"yes sir..." Then we went and got an ice cream at Thriftys. All in all a pretty good day. No expulsion, no beating, no writing assignment...I was a hero to my friends and I got Ice cream. Pretty sure I invented the phrase Win/Win that very day...

Jennifer and I became friends shortly after that...