Aussie Afghan

I was a newly single mum! Living in a government owned house, in a middle class area, close to the city and major routes. I had the kids during the week and they visited their father on the weekends. I started studying my dream career and was pretty much busy all week taking care of my kids, my house, appointments and tafe. But being a woman in my early thirties, I had needs that needed to be met. I was interested in dating and getting out in the world (when the kids were away). I was trying to loose weight the sexy way and tried my luck on several dating apps. After many successful attempts ( and some weirdos) and many sexy dates, I still found myself craving something more. Must have been the thirteen years marriage I had with one man. I was missing falling asleep in a steady, warm, loving embrace. Feeling safe and secure from the moment the sun disappears until it rises again. Many around me were hooked on a lover. Even my parents had survived the ups and downs, finances, health, insecurities and disruptions of life. But somehow I was a victim of emotional abuse and had the strength to stand up and push away. It killed me mentally, emotionally. It pulled me through emotions that had been hidden deep inside and had me hating, cursing and angry past the point of control. But somehow dating strangers helped me to feel alive, free and wanted. Talking to guys and having them respond was an addiction that was feeding the worthiness that I truly desired. Sex was just an emotional connection, but conversation was my intellectual existence. With dating apps, guys wanted me, even after sex some still talked with me. A big curvy (overweight/obese) female was wanted and it felt good to be wanted by so many. Even my best friend gave me the name of the site she used to find her sensitive new age guy.

Early 2020, I downloaded this suggested app and set my profile like so many times before. But within minutes of being live, I had a message. Can't really remember what ethnicity he was, but we started talking. Ding. Ding. Ding. More messages were being received. It got to a point that I had to turn my phone on silent because I didn't want my kids to know what I was doing. At night after I tuck my kids in bed and kiss them goodnight, I would shower and get comfortable for my nightly conversations. At one stage I had 6 guys interested in me. All from different backgrounds/cultures and many looking for more than just sex. My self confidence was growing. I no longer thought of myself as fat and overweight, ugly and unwanted. I had men wanting me, disability, stomach wobbles and all. It felt amazing to be wanted, to be desired, to be emotionally satisfied. My days off became dates and bedroom dances. Driving here, meeting there, different sizes and curves, some lasting hours, others a mere minute. Older, younger, my body count had increased significantly. I was a slut and proud of it. I started dressing up sexy for these encounters and even met a beast of a guy (James) from a nearby town at a motel for a night of fun. The only downfall was my comfy pjs that he found me in. Pink stripped with red hearts in a two piece short sleeve button up. He promised me a massage, but instead I gave him one. A podiatrist by day and sex machine by night. He was hangry. Both shy but horny, me a little tipsy from the bottle of wine I drank waiting for him. We went on and on and on, sweat pouring from our bodies, air conditioning not keeping up. After several hours we finally collapsed side by side and fell asleep.

Early hours of the morning, I was awoken by James saying my name and shaking me. Apparently I had been snoring really loudly and woke him up. Embarrassed, I got up and went to the bathroom. Looking myself in the mirror I decided to pack my stuff and head for home. When I exited he was dozing so I quietly changed and stated getting my things together. Suitcase in hand I opened the door and woke him up. He asked where I was going and I said I couldn't sleep in this bed comfortably. He asked if it was because he said I was snoring. I lied and said it wasn't that at all, I just felt really uncomfortable. He tried to stop me, but I was embarrassed and blurted out "You said no strings attached, so I really don't have to give you a reason why I am leaving", and walked out. The drive home was a quiet sob, following the blurred lines on the freeway in the safety of my suv. No other cars in sight, the road my friend, my path, my tomorrow. Home sweet home at three in the morning, my bed where I could snore and nobody cared.

The sun rose and I froze, there was a message on my phone from James to see if I had arrived home safely and thanking me for the great time. He said to call him later. I flopped back in my sheets and stared out the window into the morning light. Another day alone, at least by night I will have my kids, so unpack and clean up to be mum again. The week went fast and I never called James back. I was busy with other guys and one in particular started to pay more attention to me every afternoon. James messaged me one night and apologized, he also agreed that it was better we stopped seeing each other but remain friends and wing men with helping the other find someone closer to home. He gave me the advice to go out and spend money on myself to buy some sexy lingerie as the pjs I wore when i met him were a huge turn off (didn't seem like it at the time though!!!). He wanted me to model them for him so he could approve or disapprove. Me being a little slutty agreed and went shopping while the kids were at school and bought $100 worth of lace and satin, went home and did a little photo shoot and sent him the results. He was at work and sent back saying he had to visit the men's room between patients :)DAMN:) So with James's approval I was ready for the weekend.

On Saturday night I had a full body ache and wanted a massage. Couldn't afford to go to a salon, so I messaged a few app guys and asked if they would help. 99% of them wanted me to give them a happy ending, but I wasn't in the mood for sex, except one guy. He was younger, handsome with a superhero jaw and had gorgeous brown eyes. He said yes and didn't want anything in return. He also confessed he had never given a massage before and wasn't sure how he would be. He said he would be at mine in forty minutes. So I showered and put my robe on. Placed every moisturizing cream I had on my bedside table and closed the curtains making the room peaceful yet moody. A knock on my door told me he was here. O.M.G. he is gorgeous in real life! Mentally pinching myself I invite him inside to which my dog is thrilled and starts sniffing vigorously wagging his tail. I take Brad to my bedroom and close the dog out, I show Brad my creams and slip the robe off my naked body and lie across the end of my bed. His eyes widen and he proceeds to empty his pockets, take his shoes off and remove his shirt. I feel safe in his presence, so I close my eyes and lay my head on my folded arms in front of me. Laying on my stomach I hear him squirt cream into his palms. Warm, soft hands start on my shoulders and gently rub circles around my blades. Swift movements down my spine, he layers hand over hand to my bottom. Then leaves my body and pulls streaks of fresh cream down my sides. Unskilled hands testing the boundaries, burrowing underneath and stopping just short of gold. My legs to my feet covered in cream. I turn over and expose the treasure, he stands near my head and leans over to start the front. Shoulders, chest, stomach, thighs, knees, calves, feet, forearms, elbows, wrists, hands. His scent is driving me crazy. He laughs every now and then, sweet jesus, thank you! His groin is close to my mouth. I keep telling myself that I didn't want sex. I told him I didn't want sex in the initial message.... But he starts on my breasts, gentle circles, with little nips over the nipples. Focus! Hands moving sensually, heart racing, sweat building, he leans over more and massages the inner thighs, my legs automatically spread. Hallelujah!! All control is lost as I nibble at the groin over me. He pulls back and takes off his pants and lays on the bed next to me. This beautiful creation is wanting me. We kiss and I am spellbound. His scent is driving me wild. We look into each others eyes and are lost in passion. Some how I did end up giving him a happy ending and his smile grew, his eyes twinkled and his accent emerged. Laying there satisfied he got up and got dressed. I tried to stop him, but he kept saying "no" with a funny laugh. Once he was dressed he kissed me again and grabbed his wallet and keys. I stood and pulled my robe on and followed him to the front door. He kissed me deeply again and opened the door. Walking out he turned, smiled and said "My name is Zubair" and disappeared into the night. I closed the door and thanked the heavens for giving me this wonderful man. Crawling under the sheets I slept with his scent in, on and around me and dreamed of our encounter. Hearing his voice and feeling his touch, I slept better than I had in a long time.

The next day I received a good morning message from Zubair and when he got home from work, we messaged back and forth talking about anything that came into our minds. He usually asked me if I had eaten, what I had been doing that day or if I had anything planned for the weekend. (Now, by this time the kids had stated school down near their dad's house so I was having them on the weekends because they needed to be at dad's during the week for school). I asked Zubair where he is from and he replied "Australia". But his accent wasn't Aussie. I am Aussie and knew he wasn't telling the truth so I pushed further. But he changed the subject and pushed the conversation back on me. I ended up giving my parent's past lives away and why I sounded more English at times (my father was born in Manchester, UK. My mother was born here). That sweet laugh again. My southern regions tingled. These nightly messages kept up for a couple of weeks and I was still seeing other guys too. But one night, the kids were giving me grief over what was for dinner, so we decided to make home made pizzas, the only problem was I didn't have any bacon pieces. The kids started arguing, I retreated and said I was going to the shops to get the bacon pieces, but instead got in the car and messaged Zubair asking if I could come over for 5 minutes just to breathe and talk adult instead of banter. He agreed and gave me his address. He lived less than 10 minutes drive from me. Ha, Why did it take him forty minutes that night then??? He was waiting out the front for me, sitting on the letterbox as I pulled up onto the verge and parked the car. He opened my door and in that accent said hi. Looking into his eyes and a smile escaping my face, I hopped out of the car as he took my hand. He led me into a long house and told me of the several other people he was sharing the house with. Master on the left, white tiled floors, dark long hallway, shoes by the front door in a messy pile. One room to the right, again on the left was another bedroom, the toilet and his room. A single room with built in wardrobe, messy single bed, clothes, coins and computer on the floor, a quilt cover covering the window, he closed the door behind us and as I stood in the room looking around he threw everything off his bed onto the floor near the door and signaled me to sit on the bed. Shyness overcame me and he smiled. That superhero chin, those straight white teeth inside of moist pink lips. Those big brown eyes staring into my deep blue. I launched towards him and kissed him passionately. He kissed back and wrapped his arms around me, my right hand holding his jaw in my palm, my left supporting my weight. He slowly laid me on my back and his kisses grew hungry. Lips travelling softly down my neck and hands pulling up my shirt over my head. pushing my bra down with one hand and enveloping my breast in his mouth, my back arched and felt the need in his pants. His other hand undoing the button on my shorts as he pulled away and stripped both of us in record time. Insertion, pleasure, tension release. He moved me with ease into the right position, like fluid in a bottle, he was muscly, strong and athletic. He had the perfect body and I was lucky enough to be entwined with it. Passionate kisses and fluid movement had me coming in record time as he pulled out before releasing his load. That laugh again followed by a satisfaction kiss. Mmmmmmm, thank you. He cleaned up and pulled his pants back on while I fumbled for my clothes and dressed. We both looked at each other and smiled shyly. I opened the door and headed out, he followed. At my car, he leaned in and kissed me again. Damn, I needed to head home before I stayed forever. I said goodnight and that accent had my heart flipping as he said goodnight back whilst closing my door. Watching him in the rear view mirror as I drove off, he had a lighter step about him. At home, the kids didn't care where I had been and were only interested in making pizzas.

By mid March 2020,I was spending more time with Zubair, talking on the phone, texting, video calls. I was still seeing other guys and was not looking for anything attached. But come 1st April 2020, Zubair messages me and asks for my help to solve a dilemma. In his previous messages he said he was moving back down south to be with his step mum and try to find better work, so I assumed it had something to do with that. He said it was too hard to explain over messages and it would be easier to read it on his Facebook page. So he sends me the link, but the link doesn't work. I tell him this and say just tell me, but he refuses and sends the link again. The link doesn't work, so I ask some questions trying to get an answer of some kind. He sends the link again and third time lucky it works. I am taken to his diary where he writes everything he has been thinking about. It's mostly love quotes and some sarcasm. As I'm reading through he has written things like:

"Hey Alexa, I love my neighbour",

"Marry me Omega",

"Keeping 1 girl interested for years and caring for her is a lot more to brag about than pulling girls every single weekend like an immature little c!n@",

"I miss you",

"I'm not sure what is worse, missing you or pretending that I don't?",

"Sleeping is so hard when you can't stop thinking!",

"I really like you and too scared you won't feel the same way.",

and so on. So I am thinking he has a crush on somebody and I ask him "Who do you have a crush on?"

His reply is instant. "You"!

My breathe is taken, my eyes widen, my heart races, he is calling, I can't speak!! I answer with a surprised hello. He laughs again and I'm still speechless. How can a guy like this like a girl like me??? He says he doesn't want to loose me, so he is staying here in the city, but he has to move as his room has already been offered to someone else. I'm still speechless, but I mange to ask, "So what does this mean?"

He's excited, his voice a little deeper, "I want to see you, date you, just be us."

I'm complexed yet thrilled to be monogamous with this man. I ask "So does this mean we say Good morning and Good night every day no matter what?".

He laughs, "Yes".

"Does this mean I see you every evening after work?"

"Yes."

"Does this mean we can quit dating apps?"

"Yes!"

Then he sends me a short video of him deleting the apps on his phone, so I delete mine too. We talk for hours late into the night and when the call ends I jump around, dancing, O.M.G. I have the most handsome boyfriend ever!!!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Looking back on when we first met, we had come so far. We were meeting every evening and staying together until the late hours, and sometimes until the sun rose the next day. We were exploring, driving and loving each other's company. He found a new place to stay and wanted to show me. A little further away from me though, he invited me over and meet me on the verge. Taking my hand with that amazing smile planted from cheek to cheek he led me inside and to the left, a short airy, lit hallway with a smoke alarm above that beeped every 30 seconds. Second door on the left was his room. He had the master with air conditioning, an en suite and a double mattress on the floor. He was so proud to show me his upgrade and awaited my approval. I said "I don't care where you live as long as I am with you" and with that he kissed me passionately then we went for a drive. He liked me so much that he changed his work schedule to fit in with my duties and surprised me one afternoon. We spent the whole next day together. It was bliss!!! I finally found out where he was from too. He is Afghan, came here in 2016 after serving for the defence forces as an interpreter. So, I was slowly falling in love with an Afghan, a hopeless romantic with gorgeous brown eyes, superhero jawline, beautiful straight white teeth and a body to boot. He was intelligent, educated and fun. We played Tekken 3 on his Play Station and I kicked his arse until he stopped me multi tapping by holding my hands. We were so happy, healthy and I said "I love you".

But he replied, "I love you too".

He showed me what Afghan weddings looked like and the music he listened too that reminded him of home and finding me. One song he loved was Broken Angel by Arash as he felt it described him, and then he dedicated It Was Always You by Maroon 5 to me as this is how he saw our relationship to be. I loved his passion for teaching me Persian words and wanting to learn English. He was a body of knowledge and so kind hearted in wanting to return home to help his natives live a modern life.

Every day I didn't have my kids I was with him, we were inseparable. I invited Zubair to Good Friday dinner to meet my kids. He was so shy. My kids liked him and we ended up playing Game of Life together which was great as we got to find out more about each other's dreams and have some family fun. At the end of the game the kids were ready for bed so Zubair said goodnight and I walked him out. He thanked me for the lovely meal and said that was the first home cooked meal he had had in a long time. I accepted his compliments and we kissed long and passionately. His smile said more than words as we waved goodnight. Christianity to Muslim, great and acceptable except for the new challenge that I had only heard about through Muslim friends - Ramadan! It was coming up and I had rules to follow and maintain for a month. Ummmmmm, no sex, no kissing, no communication. Zubi tried to let me off and open the relationship so I could see other people but I was not budging, I will abide and stay his girlfriend. We can do this!! Love conquers all obstacles, even religions!!!

So now it's a week (feels like a month) out from the beginning of Ramadan 2020 and I have little to no contact with Zubair. The messages have died to a good morning/good night and the weekdays have become a bore. I start to research what Ramadan is all about. I even message a fellow mum who's Muslim (and our daughters are friends) to find out what I can and can't do when I'm around him. I have even started walking daily to increase my physical exercise and take my mind away from what he may be doing. My kids are loving the fact that I have become a more independent person and my parents can see that I am the lady they raised me to be. My ambitions are high (even going through the COVID 19 pandemic of 2020) and my sights are set on a happy and healthy future after such a misery with the failure of my marriage in 2017, being diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome 2019 (and being told I could possibly never walk again!) and learning my son has Neurofibromas on his spinal sheathe that could grow and cause massive complications later in his teens! I had a lot on my plate and having Zubair there to ease my pain was a god send. A smile to remember, a scent to devour and an accent to woo over, all mine. But for a month I had to survive on my own and be the independent woman I had believed to be.

Thursday April 23rd, 2020... All communication is cut. No texts. No calls, no video, nothing. I'm respecting his religion and vow to myself that I can get through this. It's only 30 days which equivalates to just over 4 weeks or 720 hours! I am a smart and academic woman that has a family, house and disability to keep me occupied. I am happy and I trust him. So on with life I go and dream of him every night like he was laying next to me, arm in arm.

Friday 1st of May 2020... On his Facebook page is a new entry, "I miss you". My heart flutters and my love beams. I smile and dance and whisper in my dreams 'I miss you too'.

Thursday 14th May 2020... I have a message from Zubair. He wants to break fast and see me. I agree to meet him at his house after work and we can go exploring like we usually do. At that time I had my nana's Toyota Corolla because the radiator and three hoses expired on my Nissan Murano just a week before!!! He loves the way I drive and am confident on the roads. I take him to my favourite spots. First I show him where we like to swim in warm crystal blue waters hidden from the main beaches of Woodmans Point. Then to the best fishing spot in the marina near the boat ramps of Woodmans Point and the long groin that protects the marina and Australian Marine Complex of Henderson. We climb over large limestone boulders and sit close taking photos of the scenery, Garden Island and together. Trying not to touch him, he leans in close and smiles for the camera. Bunny ears and whiskers are so cute on him. I wore a dark blue with large floral print v cut dress with shorts underneath and ballet shoes to look pretty yet modest as not to excite him (too much). We spend an hour taking photos of each other and drive on to the next spot, Coogee Marina where my love of residential architecture meets the Indian Ocean. Driving through the streets he comments that the apartments are what he lived in in Afghanistan. Straight, traditional works of stone that encapsulate the streets of Kabul. Onto Fremantle next and stopping to get a bite to eat as the sun is starting to set. KFC for him and Nandos for me. I drive to Point Walter but its packed, so continue the route along the Swan River towards home. Zubi opens his Fanta and is sprays everywhere! All over my Nan's car interior, him and the outside of the door as he tried to wind down the window in the mess. I pull over and search for tissues, wiping the interior and handing him some too. He is so embarrassed and that laugh, that smile, wet pants, wet shirt. Yum. Enjoying the moment of madness we clean up and continue on our way, he is so apologetic as I find a place to park so we can eat and let the car dry a little. Views of the city skyline looking east down the Swan River from the shores of Applecross we sit a little apart and eat in silence. Looking over the views and sneaking a view of each other between rays of autumn sunshine and clouds breezing over. We finish eating and walk to the waters edge. Wetlands of reeds and ducks, a fence to perch upon and an evening with you. He stands close and asks what I've been up to. His skin is prickling from the cold night air coming in and I feel warm in his presence. We decide to head back to his house, a drive in silence and a touch of hands has me aroused. Back at his place, he invites me inside and I wait on his bed while he changes in the bathroom. He asks what I would like to do and I didn't know. He lays in front of me, has me laughing and I unintentionally fall forward onto his stomach. His breathe catches and I go to sit up, but he stops me. Slowly I kiss his stomach through his shirt and smile. He says 'I will break fast again tomorrow if you stay'. I am torn. I want him so bad, but I respect his religion. We talk for a few hours and he heats up some traditional Afghan cuisine for me to taste. A lamb pilaf and a sweet dough covered in sweet honey consistency. It is delicious and filling. Around midnight he can see I am tired so he says again 'I will break fast if you stay'. I decline his offer and get my things and head for the door. He pulls me in for a hug and shakes my hand before walking me to my car and repeating the process. His smile wants me to stay. He watches me as I drive away. Passion, commitment and lust all in a day. But no clothing was taken from the bodies that wanted to play!

The next day he messaged me saying he was breaking fast today as he couldn't sleep after seeing me. He was going out with his friend and wanted to see me. Unfortunately I was very busy that day with picking up my kids for the weekend and getting the groceries done so that there was food in the house for my munchkins. It was the first time I wished I was free but the deep knowing knew it was for the best and showed him I was sincere and respectful of him and his religion. He messaged me later saying he was enjoying a Margarita pizza and coke and I was happy he wanted to include me.

Monday 25th May 2020..... It's been two days since Ramadan finished and still there is no communication. I was unaware that the week that followed was full of gatherings and parties as Muslims celebrate the reawakening of a sin free cycle. During Ramadan I learnt that Muslims are to stay quiet in their houses and not make a dazzling display as they make regular pray, and give regularly to charity and obey their god (Allah) and his messengers for all wishes of abomination to be removed, to make the soul pure and spotless. This means there was to be no music, no media, no internet, no intimacy and no food or drinks until the skies were dark. As a Christian I had fasted for those in third world countries for World Vision's 40 hour famine, but never to this extreme and it gave me deep admiration for those that can do this for 30 days! To abide by a set of rules that are rigorous and blunt to awaken spotless and pure. My accolades to you.

Thursday 28th May 2020..... Finally communication starts. I messaged Zubair and asked what he was doing that day as I wanted to see him. He was at work until 11am and messaged me when he got home. It was short and sweet. He said he would call me later that night as he was going out with his friends. He said he had something to tell me. Later that night I was at my parent's house (as I slept there on Thursday nights to be with my kids even though they still had school in Mandurah the next day) when Zubair called me and told me he bought a red Toyota Celica 2004 model and it was currently in the shop being fitted with a new motor. He was so happy and excited for me to see and approve. I told him that I was free that coming weekend as my kids would be at a friend's house for sleepover and we could meet. He loved the idea and said we would talk more about it tomorrow as he was tired and yawning as he spoke. A good night and I love you and the call disconnected.

Saturday 30th May 2020..... So tonight I am free and can't wait to see my Zubair. I drop the kids off in Bassendean at 4:30pm and go home to shower and freshen up. As I am ready to see Zubair I message him to see if he is home. He says he is going out with friends but I wanted to see him, so I said I'll be there in twenty minutes. He doesn't reply. So I get in my car and go. I arrive at his house and knock on the front door, no answer. I ring his mobile, no answer. I think he is in the bathroom so wait by his bedroom window and knock, no answer. So I take a photo of me standing outside his bedroom window and send it to him, he answers. He has already left with his friends, half way up Kalamunda Hill! I was not happy. I felt confused and sad. Was he not craving me like I was craving him? Sounded like he was when we were talking. So I drove home and spent the night alone watching Netflix and falling asleep early so I could wake and do my chores before going to collect my kids and get them ready for returning to their father's Sunday night.

Monday 1st June 2020..... A new week has started and I am looking at returning to TAFE to continue my diploma in Civil Construction Design next semester. My son has surgery coming up at the end of the week for the removal of two Neurofibromas from the right side of his head that has been causing him pain and discomfort for a couple of months now. I was busy with my life as I had felt betrayed by the one I loved. Every time I had a moment to think there would be a song surfacing that would sing "Say something, I'm giving up on you....."

Now I know that Zubair worked mornings and had changed his work schedule to fit around me and my kids and I was ecstatic when he told me, but now I was starting to feel disconnected and wondering why change for me if you don't want to spend time with me? I was wondering where the relationship was heading and if it was a relationship at all.

Tuesday 2nd June 2020.... A good morning message with can I see you after work today? My heart flipped, all this worry and overthinking for no reason. Of course I jumped at the opportunity and busied myself with chores to make the morning go faster. Showered and changed I was at his house by midday. We sat and talked in his room. He heated up some fish he had cooked the day before and we ate it with bread and yogurt. He offered me a beer and it went down well with the feed. Then we went for a quick drive in his car so he could show me. Just down the highway and back again as I was due to take my Nan to her chemotherapy appointment. He begged me to stay, but I already had plans. A little tipsy I asked him to drive me to my Nan's but he smiled and laughed and dropped me by my car. As I got into the driver's seat he opened my passenger door and leaned over to passionately kiss me. His car still running in the driveway. His eyes twinkled and he said "I love you, drive safe". As he closed the door and flexed his muscles showing his abdomen my breathe caught and I was back under his spell.

Thursday 4th June 2020.... We have been communicating again every morning and night. He's had work and I have been busy organizing my life for Zac's surgery and starting TAFE next month. Zubi calls to wish my son good luck for tomorrow and tell me of his weekend plans making some type of small talk to keep me grinning as my insides start to stress with tomorrows procedure. Every time I am with Zubi physically or telepathically I am in a higher vibration. Zubi always makes me happier and feel loved. I tell him that I love him and he replies, "I love you too."

Friday 5th June 2020.... It's surgery day with ZG! We are at Perth Children's Hospital at 7am for day surgery admittance and my son is cool as a cucumber about what is happening today. I had bought him a pair of Yeti Slippers and a fluffy grey robe to keep him warm and comfortable. He was the medical staffs favourite character of the day. He was marked up and seen by several medical teams that explained what was going to happen and the processes that he could control. By 11am ZG was taken to theater and put to sleep with gas. Three hours of waiting and we receive the phone call that all has gone well and he is now in recovery. My ex husband and I take turns in putting our boy to sleep and waking him up, It was Simon's turn so I waited in the parent lounge on level 2 for them to be transferred to recovery ward so I could go and see him. As I am walking up to recovery I get a phone call from Zubi asking if everything is okay. I assure him that all went well and Zubi asks if he could borrow $100. A little confused I was wondering how I was going to give it to him when he read my mind and said that I just needed to enter his mobile number in my bank app and as we bank at the same bank it will work that way. I agreed and wired the funds to him. He messaged back saying "Thank you babe, love you xxx"

Later that evening we were released from hospital and ZG wanted to stay at my house as I live fifteen minutes from PCH if anything was to happen. Zubi came over to see us and ZG wanted to go for a drive in Zubi's car as my boy is car mad! Zubi agrees but says he has plans later that night and can't be too late. Zubi hops in the back of his coupe as my son takes the passenger seat and I drive. My son wants to go to Freo to the top of Millennium Complex car park as the views of Freo are amazing from here. Zubi seems preoccupied and I reach for him. He takes my hand and smiles. We take photos up here then decide to walk down to the Esplanade. Here Zubi stays by the road as ZG and I walk towards the Ferris wheel. My son wants to ride, but I didn't have enough funds or mentality to do it that night. As we walk back to the car Zubi catches up and we go to South Mole Lighthouse. My son and I climb the gun turret and play hide and seek with Zubi (whom is on his phone and keeping a distance). It's getting late and cold as the sun sets and my son is hungry and ready to go home. But there's a problem, we can't get down, so I phone Zubi and ask him to come help ZG down. He comes over and flexes his muscles as he helps my son to the ground. Me being a bit kiddish saddles the wall and lowers myself down using all my strength not to fall. Safely on the ground again we drive towards Maccas to get my boy something to eat and onward towards my house.

At my house I let ZG inside and turn to Zubi whom is already in the driver's seat. He says he has to go but will call me tomorrow. We kiss and he reverses out of my driveway.

Twenty minutes later I get a message from Zubi accusing me of damaging his car. I message back asking what the problem is. He says there is a noise that wasn't there before. Me knowing a little bit about mechanics from my ex husband and grandfather says I'm coming to have a look, are you home. He replies that he's not home and not to worry. But I can't brush this off. So I say to my son that I have to go and fix Zubi's car and of course my son wants to come. So we drive over to Zubi's house and I get a strange feeling that Zubi's car is parked at the park down the road from his house. As I turn the corner onto his street, in my rear vision mirror I see those distinct headlights illuminate and turn the corner towards the highway. Sure enough Zubi's car isn't at his house so I go around the block and past the Indian Grocer nearby to which I find his car parked. As I pull into a parking bay, Zubi is getting into his car. I hop out and go and stand in the middle of the car park to stop him from going any further. He stops and I walk up to his driver's side window as he winds it down as I ask, can you show me the sound? At this point ZG is getting into Zubi's car and I walk around to the passenger seat and hop in. Zubi pulls in next to my car and says "You can go now!" I refuse to move as I have been bought up to fix something when it is broken, so I stay in the passenger seat and repeat, "Can you show me the noise please?"

Several minutes and growing agitation Zubi finally gives in and pulls out of the car park and drives one block down the highway. The noise sounds like plastic engine cover scraping along the road, so when Zubi enters the car park and parks, I get out, get on all fours and over onto my back to find the plastic and push it back up into place. My son has exited the car and watches closely as his mum fixes her boyfriend's car on a winters night in the darkness. As I stand up Zubi is trying to open my driver's door. I tell him I have fixed it and there shouldn't be anymore sound. Zubi is still trying to open my driver's door but doesn't realise that my SUV has key less central locking and will only work when I am standing nearby. I open my door and hop inside. My son gets in the passenger seat and Zubi says goodnight and closes my door. No thank you. No kiss. Nothing. He is cold and gets in his car and drives off. I felt empowered though as I was able to distinguish and fix a mechanical problem just by listening. Who wouldn't love a woman who could do that!!! Or so I thought.....

The next day I send a good morning text and get on with my day. Checking my phone around midday there's no reply. That night I send a goodnight text and check my Instagram. There's a video of Zubi's red Toyota Celica racing a red Toyota Camry on a suburban street that afternoon. Wow! So too busy with mates to message me!! Thanks babe!!! I knew from previous messages and talks that he likes to drink excessively and have fun when with his friends, so I try to brush it off.

Later that night I couldn't sleep so I message him to see how his weekend has been. The replies weren't nice, loving or the Zubi I was in love with. He replied to me saying to leave him alone! He didn't want to see me anymore as my attitude stunk!! He told me I was too old for him and he hated me!!! I was a fake and he was blocking me.

My heart broke. I was confused. I was trying to figure out what went wrong in 24 hours. I tried to ask what had upset him, to which he replied "STOP MESSAGING ME LEAVE ME ALONE".

Colour drained from my face, thoughts frozen in space. What the hell just happened? Tears filling my eyes, my skin went cold, I started to cry uncontrollably. Why? Why?? Why???

I tried searching his Facebook - Search returned no results

I tried searching his Instagram - Search returned no results

I tried searching Snapchat, TikTok, Messanger - Search returned no results

I sent him sms and called his phone, no reply or answer.

I emailed him - no reply

I begged and pleaded and apologized for coming to fix his car and if that is what had made him change his mind, I was sorry. But nothing worked. I cried and I cried and I cried. My heart was officially broken. I was officially broken. My world retreated as I depleted into a misery of dissatisfaction and sadness. My kids, my parents and my close relatives tried to cheer me up to no avail. My kids and ex husband were deriving plans of basting his car in pig fat and bacon. My son and I even played a prank on him and stuck L plates to his car one night! I was a walking zombie for a long while. Staying at home, crying myself to sleep every night, hoping for a message with him saying sorry. Praying for forgiveness. My June 2020 become a blur I can't really remember. Even my son tried setting up a fake account on Facebook messenger so I could stalk Zubi and ask him out as someone else. Coming up with the name Indie Anna Kansas and a cute bookworm girl looking lovingly into the forest. Zubi took the bait and I was hooked again, messaging every night until I slipped on my words and he caught me out. Darn, so close! Even my son tried messaging him and asking if he'd date me again. Zubi replied yes and I danced around so happy until his Facebook Diary read "Where's all the single girls at:)!" later that night.