Anxiety, Depression & the Un-Social Network

So, I guess we can call this wonderful platform we find ourselves on one of the many groundbreaking products of the ever-so connecting, divine deity known as media or the social network. This omnipotent power that I, as I’m sure most of you, have used to repeatedly like, share, and comment away every night since its creation, has thread its way into our hearts and lifestyles. Consequently, as the vast amount of love and dislikes spew in from strangers you would never think twice about if passing by at the local diner, we began to feel an unexplainable urge to create more content and more adventure. It’s so much, it’s everything in our time and I loved it, until I just felt small.

As the years passed and the likes dwindled in a database filled with people sharing big experiences and trying to be the biggest, coolest social influence, I felt really small. My south Georgian mindset began finding the amazing party life of influencers in New York and festival craze of Los Angeles creators somewhat difficult to grasp. Slowly, the once magical platform that carried me through the first years of high school seemed to trap me in an uncontrollable loop of fear, unworthiness and lack of confidence to try anything.

Why them? Why can’t I do that?

These questions blasted through my teenage brain as loud as that kid yodeling at Walmart in that viral meme I used to share every day. Separating the fear of unworthiness and delightful media experience was like removing the mystery stains out of that new white summer tee you bought, you can wipe it clean, try something new but somehow you check yourself out and its still there. The nearest bustling city, that I was once proud to say was located 20 minutes from, became a dull, three street semi skyscraper scene that was as empty and shadow-filled as my teenage bedroom.

Then, a few days before high school graduation, as fellow students embraced their four year long friends and lovers with tears, laughable memories and magnificent plans for the years to come, I sat alone in the unsocial shell of my own creation, with the shocking thought "Man, what if?". And, as if a dim, virtual light bulb created by Thomas Edison and Kevin Systrom appeared in my mind, I asked myself, "What if I just spoke and commented as loud as I wanted and made my home a place for memories, intended not for everyone, but maybe just for myself. "

Honestly, it was hard. As I pressed delete on the three highest time spent apps on my phone, I discovered the same 24 hours could be both blissful and invigorating. Great, right? Well, I'm sad to say this new found power within myself lasted amazingly until the first days of freshman year at my desired university. I was ecstatic to see myself even further from the years as the anxious and depressed high school student, and, stepping on to the overcrowded, fraternity/sorority filled southern campus with a smile wide enough to stop the passing Buicks and Honda Civics, I realized something. It was an indisputable fact that no influencer nor advertisement within social media acknowledged; all those likes, typed DM responses and clap back comments come a lot easier in apps than actual debates with a fast-paced group of rowdy young adults or gorgeous cashiers making eye contact longer than necessary to invite witty flirts. The sound of anxious ums and uhs amid each sentence forced through a now shaky smile ring loud and clear in my mind years later.

After a few weeks of the same unfortunate predicament, I could have given up. I could have grabbed my things, conjured up some excuse to my family about a bad professor, and walked right out of the well-built statued gates marking the campus entrance, ready to go back home, back to safety, back to media. But I was determined and shouted to myself, "I want to change, I want new friends and I will make experiences I'm proud of." It wasn’t until my second year at Georgia Southern University when, as if the universe struck me and the world around me with a lightning bolt of adventure and maturity, my mindset grew. The amount of peers with similar interests as I, still hopeful to make real friends and real experiences, increased and I realized something that changed me even more: amongst all those aesthetic photos, viral clips of someone else's lifestyle, and endless comments of what you should have or be doing, social media doesn’t show you what need and real life will always be as fun as you make it to be.