And the Table said "Pssst!"
Magical Journey of a trauma survivor
Based on true events.
My housemate had moved to New York taking with her all the furniture, so there I was once again living in an empty apartment.
Knucky: oh boy
Jay: you can say that again
“Jorgelina! You have to buy a table!” my therapist says when in an explosion of laughter I tell her that my spaghetti is vacating my plate floating on tomato sauce because my cardboard table is crooked and spaghetti just LUV to follow the law of gravity and slide onto my tablecloth.
And let’s not talk about the glass of water that spills over
“You have to buy a table!!” Mary insists session after session.
“What do you mean ‘I have to buy a table’?? I don’t do ‘that,’ ok?”
My dear mother had drilled in my poor little head: ”The word ‘shopping’ does not exist in our vocabulary”
and there I was, walking through life infused with my mother’s teachings.
I had been brainwashed.
I simply didn’t know money in the bank meant you can buy what you need so that your noodles don’t emancipate.
Knucky: your noodles in the head?
Jay: no, you knucklehead, the other ones
Knucky: just checking
Anyhoo. I had been brainwashed but Mary had planted a little seed and little seeds sprout if you know what I mean.
Knucky: (uh oh, here comes trouble)
One very happy day the miracle happened.
Knucky: miracle? what miracle?!
Jay: I was walking down the street when all of a sudden …
Knucky: (here it comes! here it comes!...)
Jay: I see the cutest kitchen table batting her eyelashes at me from a store window
and the table goes “PSSST!” on me,
can you believe that??
Knucky: a table went “PSSST!” on you?
Knucky: no kidding
Jay: you know me, Knucky, I wouldn’t kid about something like this
Knucky: so what happened?
Jay: well, there was a sign
Knucky: it’s a sign! it’s a sign!
Jay: yeah, it said $79
Knucky: that’s not bad
Jay: and this weird thing was happening in my head
Knucky: you mean in the noodles in the head?
Jay: yeah, there were sparks in my noodles in the head
Knucky: wow, fancy noodles
Jay: yeah, and all of the sudden my noodles started screaming
Knucky: well, that’s weird
Jay: THOU SHALL NOT INSULT MY NOODLES,
MY NOODLES ARE NOT WEIRD.
Knucky: ok, and just out of curiosity, what were your noodles screaming? stop the parade?
Jay: no, you knucklehead, they were saying: the table costs $79, I have $79 in the bank, I can buy the table!
Knucky: unbelievable, your noodles said that?
Knucky: so you bought yourself a table, huh?
Jay: well, of course, I had to buy it; as you may well know, once a table goes “PSSSST!” on you there’s no going back
So I bought myself a kitchen table and four director chairs. I just adored them. They were the first pieces of new furniture I had ever had and they looked so beautiful in my kitchen...
I’d wake up in the middle of the night to check on them and I’d come from work in terror KNOWING my table and my chairs had been stolen or burnt in a fire.
Knucky: and were they?
Jay: of course not
Knucky: that’s what I though t
Anyhoo, the pssst!-madness had started.
Knucky: the psst!-madness?
Jay: yeah, a TV, and carpets and coffee tables and a night stand and a music bench and ... well, everybody was pssst-ing at me!
Knucky: and you bought them all, huh?
Jay: of course, and Mary was getting nervous because I couldn’t stop buying furniture
Knucky: you were making home, baby
Jay: I was making home
And on another very happy day, walking down the street, all of a sudden a golden sofa goes “PSSSST!” on me from a store window.
Knucky: a golden sofa?
Knucky: and you bought it
Jay: well of course
Knucky: I bet it was comfy
Jay: I don’t know, I didn’t sit on it
Knucky: you bought a sofa and didn’t sit on it first?!
Jay: why would I? once the thing goes “PSSSST!” on you, that’s it
Knucky: you have to buy it
Jay: you have to buy it
Years later I bought a beautiful dining set.
Knucky: and you didn’t try the chairs either, huh?
Jay: not really
Knucky: Jay, you can’t do that?! that’s not a way to shop!
Knucky: don’t tell me the chairs went “PSSSST!” on you
Jay: well they did, alright? so what am I supposed to do?
Knucky: were the chairs comfy?
Jay: they were beautiful
Knucky: were they comfy?
Jay: well, you couldn’t really sit on them for too long
Knucky: how come?
Jay: they kept pushing you up
Knucky: the chairs kept pushing you up?
Jay: yeah, I don’t think they liked anyone sitting on them to tell you the truth, and they made it very clear to you
Knucky: well who would like someone sitting on them?
Jay: that’s what I say
Knucky: me too
Jay: see? these were smart chairs
Knucky: so you had a beautiful dining set and couldn’t sit at the table
Jay: well, we kind of stood around it
Knucky: looking at the beautiful chairs
Jay: that’s right
Knucky: those were mean chairs
Jay: you think so?
Knucky: I think so
Jay: well, I don't, I think the problem was the butt
Knucky: what butt?
Jay: the butt on the chair
Knucky: what about it?
Jay: the butt was the oppressor
Knucky: you think so, huh?
Jay: yeah, the butt was pushing the chair down, the chair was pushing the butt out,
YOU BUTT OUT,
why are we blaming the victim?
the butt should be held responsible
Knucky: are you saying a responsible butt would never sit on a chair?
Jay: that’s exactly what I’m saying
Knucky: you smart cookie you
Jay: you think so, huh?
Knucky: I most certainly think so
Knucky: and how did we get from vacating noodles floating on tomato sauce to thoughts about abuse of power?
Jay: that’s what I’d like to know
Knucky: some things happen and we don’t even notice, huh?
Jay: you smarty pants
Knucky: you think so, huh?
Jay: I most certainly think so
Other stories by Jorgelina Zeoli
About the author
Jorgelina Zeoli is a former recital organist and teaches singing and Tai Chi. Her memoirs, films and songs focus on personal growth and the healing of her inner child. She incorporates humor, poetry and art. She resides in the USA.