Am I really hitting Rock Bottom? Check yourself before you say “yes”

Oh, Mom’s birthday earlier this week was fine. Better than fine, really- while Mom is still upset about my sister’s disability, I still had a great day. We went out to a fancy-shmancy restaurant, and while my sister acted up, they reacted beautifully and saw it as nothing. I had offered to read to my sister, and gave my mother a Bob Marley cover album for her special day, which was done by one of those dinky cover bands that play by the pool, but hey, it’s the thought that counts. Speaking of which, I had also offered to read to my sister “VeggieTales” but accidentally left the book at home. Oh well, I’ll just bring it next time!

Unfortunately, this joy was rather short-lived. We’re working on getting me a voucher for a home, but there’s some tension regarding the letter. I honestly thought I could handle it, but I also had the brilliant idea to not eat lunch and focus on reading my book. It went as well as you’d expect someone with low blood sugar to react to something like this.

Needless to say, after our horrendous fight, I decided to tell another autism mom that someone had touched her inappropriately, just to spite her. After that, I went for a walk and forgot about it, believing that there would be no way that anyone else would find out, let alone react to it. But since yours truly couldn’t get away with nuthin’, Mom and Dad found out anyway. Guess how well they reacted to it.

Anyways, my parents sat me down and lectured me about my “inappropriate behavior” that got me kicked out. Of course, I hadn’t even gotten upset that often, only after stresses at home. But, of course, it was enough to concern the coordinator of the place. Go figure.

But then I realized something. I’m a resilient person who’s fallen down and gotten up too many times to count. Just because I get tired easily, doesn’t mean I fold easily. Even (okay, unless) people keep pushing my goddamn buttons.

Last night, the Y2K era was doing a recap of September 2001. Anyone living under a rock knows all too well that 9/11 was the defining moment of the era, unless you were born after 1992, at which point you either didn’t remember at all or had an (un?)surprisingly inappropriate reaction out of complete naivety (not that, um…I would know anything about it.) I couldn’t help but think that, through all the devastation, we were brought closer as a country. Sure, times were rough, but boy were we resilient! But more importantly, we went out of our way to help others…just ask Mom’s dear friend Heather.

Naturally, the countdown (Kountdown?) started out with a recap of what happened that month, including yes, 9/11. The first song just so happened to be Enya’s “Only Time,” a smooth, beautiful, ballad which stands out from the bouncy pop of the Y2K era. As I heard her beautiful voice, I was in complete and utter tears. Good god!

I had a similar experience involving 9/11 pop in 2010. Back then, I was going through a rough time, often getting into fights & claiming that my parents were trying to hurt me. But, it was around this time that I was really getting into the Beatles. I had vaguely remembered a CD around that time involving small children singing patriotic songs- songs that showed innocence in a dark time. (In a good way, mind you- no getting excited over seeing fire on TV here.) Oh, what I wouldn’t do to be an innocent child again, with no worries except cartoons and (super-easy) homework!

Maybe, my tears as I heard Enya showed me that underneath my mental illnesses & anger issues, I was a beautiful, intelligent, resilient human being. As I heard her voice, her amazing voice, I realized that I could not only hear, but feel. Truly feel her beautiful lyrics through the music. No wonder I was in complete & utter tears.

No matter how hard things are, throwing in the towel is never an option. You need to keep on, keepin’ on, because there will (eventually) bright times ahead. Sometimes, all it takes is hearing a beautiful pop song to make everything alright. Or, even remembering the America of two decades ago, and how we’re still standing today.

And in case anyone reading it needs to hear it right now…here you go. You’re welcome, Jenny Rose.