AITA for calling a woman fat?

Dear Confessions,

I am eight months pregnant and due to fibroids, I look further along that I am. Even when trying to disguise my pregnancy under hoodies and baggy clothes, it is really apparent. The obvious bump has caused strangers to touch my belly without permission and has just encouraged people to talk to me more in general.

I am a private person and I can’t imagine anything worse than prying strangers stopping you so they can talk to you or touching you. I was in my local shop and an older lady approached. Instinctively I moved back so she wasn’t within reaching distance. She asked how far along I was and I smiled politely and said 8 months.

She responded with “Oh wow! You’re huge! I would have said you were due any day now.” She said this loudly and drew attention from other shoppers. Annoyed I said “You too”. She was obviously taken aback and stammered about it being a medical condition. I replied “Same” and walked away.

I know I am probably the arsehole, but I just want to be left alone. How much of an arsehole was I?

Firstly, I am going to start by saying, I don’t blame you for getting irritated. I can’t imagine anything worse than being stopped by well-meaning strangers whilst I am just trying to get through my day. I think the problem is that everyone believes they are the first person to notice and say something. When in reality, they’re the 30th person and you just want to get home and put your feet up.

I would get snappy too.

Also, when did it become acceptable to comment on a stranger’s body? Pregnant or not, you don’t deserve to be stopped and told you are huge! I think the problem with a lot of the older generations is that it was acceptable, it was acceptable to comment on someone’s weight or how they dressed and newer generations have begun to realise how damaging this can be.

I think what you said and how you said it was perfect for that situation, it highlighted the fact that having a stranger comment on your body can be really uncomfortable. Especially when they have no idea what you have going on in the rest of your life. Realistically you could have been struggling with an eating disorder, you could have been very conscious of your appearance during pregnancy and it is not unusual for women to hyperfocus on their size at any time during their life.

That very public comment could have really harmed your mental health and impacted your wellbeing and for what? For that lady’s entertainment.

I am sorry you are experiencing what you are and I hope you have a safe few weeks and a quick birth with a healthy baby. Those are the most important things.

I imagine that woman left the shop and felt quite embarrassed with herself, perhaps she even thought into what you said and what had lead to you making those comments. I would hope that the experience was educational for her. I think it was incredibly brave of you to highlight your position in this situation, so many people would have nodded politely and moved on.

The reality is that as women we are always scrutinised. We are scrutinised for our choice of clothes, our hair colour, our weight, our careers, our role as Moms. Many of these behaviours were passed down to us from generations before and we need to break those cycles so that our daughters don’t experience the same treatment. Education starts at home and unfortunately it is our responsibility to educate ourselves and those we come into contact with.