A Walking Hazard

Surely, I can’t be the only girl who looked up to her big brother as a child? I’m also quite certain I cannot be the only girl who had a ridiculous crush on her big brother’s best friend either. Unfortunately, this is not one of those cute little romantic remember-when-we-were-kids? kind of stories where the awkward little sister and her big brother’s best friend reminisce about how they fell in love. Instead, this is the embarrassing oh-my-God-I-REALLY-hope-I’m-the-only-one-who-remembers-this-ever-happened! sort of story.

This goes back to when I was still in my tom-boy stage. One beautiful summer day, my dad brought home a bunch of lumber to rebuild the deck around our family’s swimming pool. He had backed the truck into the driveway and told my brother and his friend (let’s call him Scott) to start taking the wood to the back yard. Simple enough, right? How complicated could that be? As an energetic brat of about eight years old, I figured I was just as strong as the boys were and the boards really didn’t look that heavy. So, of course, I jumped in to help.

The 2”x4” boards were actually far longer than they had looked, and I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be for a person as short as me to successfully transport a 10-foot-long board (that was easily several feet longer than I was tall) all the way to the back yard. In reality, the distance was only maybe 50 yards from the truck to the pool. However, for a scrawny, naturally clumsy girl who could easily trip over air, this was like hauling a bale of hay across a football field. I soon realized I could drag the boards by one end easier than carrying them. It was slow work, but I was proud of myself when all the lumber was unloaded and I knew I had helped (even though, the guys had unloaded all the lumber while I had struggled with about 3 boards).

By this time, I was sweaty and slightly breathless. Yet, when my dad told us to take all the old wood he had ripped off the deck to the burn pile, I still jumped in to help. These boards were just as long as the new boards, but they were warped and rough. Not only did I have to watch out for splinters, but I also had to avoid all the bent, rusty nails sticking out the ends. Everything was working according to plan. At some point though, my tired brain decided simply dragging one board at a time to the burn pile was nowhere near impressive enough. If I wanted Scott’s attention, I decided I would have to get an armful of wood and carry them to the pile.

Luckily, some of the pieces had been used for the railing and were slightly shorter than the rest. I quickly gathered them up and slowly teetered toward the pile. I was huffing and puffing but had already made it more than halfway when I was forced to reevaluate my plan. While dragging one board at a time was not an issue, I now realized I needed to maneuver through the narrow gap between the house and the massive pecan tree in the front yard with a super bulky armful of wood.

I turned sideways and shuffled along just as my sister called my name from the front porch. With my back towards her, I couldn’t see what she wanted. Without thinking, I quickly spun around. Since I was (and still am) the Queen of all klutzes, I somehow managed to simultaneously slip on a pecan the size of a golf ball and run into the solid base of the pecan tree with all the wood.

As the old boards crashed to the ground, my feet flew into the air and I fell right on top of the boards. As if that weren’t embarrassing enough, I had intentionally positioned myself in front of Scott to be sure he saw how strong I was! When my sister had called my name, it ensured he was looking towards me. The VERY worst part though, is that I landed directly on top of one very long, rusty nail! From that day forth, he knew me as the girl who sat on the rusty nail! To top it off, I still have a scar to immortalize my most cringeworthy moment!