A Milestone: My First Bad Review

Some might think one is meshuggah, (crazy in Jewish Swedish slang), for saying they hit a big milestone as a writer for sharing their first bad review. Sometimes the craziest thing is the realest thing we can do for ourselves. It’s scary, I won’t lie, to put this out in the open to the public. Even if only one person reads this, it puts me in the position to be judged. I made peace with it.

I personally feel like being a part of the world is a big show, and we’re all just trying to make our part work, but the reality is that we all are usually in the background instead of the bright flashing lights. We study, research, read, read and read until our brain is overwhelmed and desensitized. We take a full day to even edit one single thought into a coherent sentence, much less, a fully developed narrative. We are the behind the scenes people doing all the nitty gritty stuff hoping we can find some recognition someday.

I was watching the new film, A Real Pain, which entails two very mismatched, Jewish-American cousins on a tour in Poland to honor their grandmother, and I was happily surprised by the idea of blunt honesty in Benji’s character.

He just didn’t care about the social niceties of humanity and said exactly what he felt, thought and believed. It first came off as harsh, rude even. But, by the end, everyone in the tour realized that the human spirit and experience was not about being stoic, quiet and comfortable. It was about change. Real change that brought something important and significant. Even if it only affected a few people in a tour group.

Not talking about our pain, however how small, is a terrible thing.

Yes, it hurt to see my first negative review about one of my books. But, I really pored through it, really analyzing it and I feel there was something to take away. It’s not just about you, I told myself. There is a whole wide world out there with so many different people with vastly different opinions and experiences. Not everyone is going to think your story is their perfect cup of tea.

I will go back to what I said about recognition. I find that even as they found my structural flaws with my tenses and my pov changes as jarring, I still feel seen. I know that tenses are my biggest weakness. The fact this reviewer has shone a big spotlight on it makes me want to fix this problem once and for all.

That wasn’t the only problem they had with my book. I, however, see the timeline issues something I also realized that I needed to honestly reflect on and get a clearer picture of the events in the book. That helped me see what I needed to fix.

Look, I’ll be honest, I’m an impatient writer and I get my raw emotions out there, and I paint my characters in a way that I feel them come alive—-once I feel this is done, I personally feel it’s ready. But, seeing my experience when I’ve been collaborating with other publishers, editing and redesigning content is something that is very important to the publishing industry. I have been working tirelessly to create the best version of my books and I definitely take real pride in making quality content. I even am working to revise the targeted (joking!) book in question.

I write what I know, I write what I feel and I write what I want to read. That’s the only way I know how. I will always stand by my characters and their stories. The only critique I will disagree with is that the dialogue between the characters is unquestionably flawed, yes, but only because that’s how the characters actually talk.

I personally celebrate this first milestone by sharing with you my first bad review for my book, Atonement. If you read this review and still want to give me a chance, I might call you crazy, too, hah.

But, if you want a real person that writes from the bottom of their heart, with valid intentions to write a honest, meaningful message, well, maybe you can find that out for yourself. That’s up to you to determine that. I am a new indie author. I make mistakes. A lot. But, I’m learning too. I want to be better and I know I will be better once I look at my flaws and really reflect.

Thank you, first reviewer, for giving my first bad review. I am looking forward to many more. Well, not necessarily bad reviews, haha, but a mix of hopefully good, bad and everything in between.