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A Friend to All

by Stella Marie 5 months ago in Friendship

A Friend to None

A Friend to All
Photo by Courtney Cook on Unsplash

What really is a friend? Is it the person we see on every wonderfully semi dramatic series we end up watching because there’s nothing to watch? The ones, somehow, you see every day. The ones who know your close family members better than you know them yourself. The ones that have a big crush on one of your siblings, that somehow, they see every day as well. This definition has always baffled me, like it was cut short. There should be sub-clause or like any information other than the verb and how to use it in a sentence. Something to help the introverts/empaths navigate better. Through out life you meet so many people. Some you call friends, some you feel something deeper and are your best friends, some you can’t stand most of the time, but you know they are good souls, and you would still do anything for them. Including continuing a friendship because you know already you are the only one who sees them, and you know how it feels to not be seen. I, myself, still can’t fully answer this question. People come as fast as they go, leaving memories and love behind in your heart and there’s. But at the end of the day, we are those people as well. We come and go.

My best definition of a friend is lengthy. Wikipedia denied my self-proclaimed definition, too many hyper links for one page. Blah, Blah. I guess I would start by defining a friend as someone you grow to love. Some we are close to. some don’t even know you exist. Some we know for a few days, but we hold the memory in our hearts for an eternity. Some we wish to forget, while at the same time still love them. I do not believe that being a friend is a 2-way street. A friend is someone you appreciate. Someone you respect. Someone who’s family is your own whether you know them or not. Someone you created a bond with, big or small, and they made an impact on your life. Someone that may someday need to go down their own roads in an entirely different Country. Someone that you understand enough to let them go without taking their journey personally.

Friendship is not clean cut. We as humans, are not clean cut. Only YOU can define what friendship is. What we feel, our instinct, our effort. Friendship is a book with no cover. Each with different stories. Defining friendship is kind of absurd without hyperlinks. (Just saying Wikipedia) It took me a very long time to realize this. I’ve always put high expectations of the people I label as friends. It never ended well for me. For a long time, I held judgment and resentment towards the people who were once in my circle and for some reason or another weren’t anymore. Looking back most of the time it was me. My definition of friendship was not theirs and it just fizzled out. Now, looking back and remembering the good times though, that changed my perspective. Lauren, she is my friend. It took me years to understand this. Lauren, she was my best friend.

I met her at work. It was a new job after my second child. (Good luck for those of you on that second round, its mortifying. Its also incredibly amazing and such a blessing so congratulations on the next step in your journey). She was annoying and talked too much. She followed me around for a few weeks and one day she told a co-worker that I was her best friend. I was confused at first. I barely spoke to her. I did not know much about her life. I was not sure I even wanted to. A few days later I was having a rough day, nothing seemed to be going right and I was just not feeling myself. No one noticed because my ability to hide behind a smile always was enough to convince my family and friends. Somehow, she did notice. The following day she brought me in a card. Inside it read, “I will always be here for you, you are not alone.” That is when I realized she had been right. She was indeed my best friend as well. Although I felt some distain that this friendship snuck up on me, I realized I truly did enjoy her company and her ability to understand me. After that event we were inseparable. We talked every day. We spent all day at work making jokes and enjoying the small things. We spent some of our best moments together. She became my family, and I hers. This was the first time in my life someone actively decided to be my friend. I swore she was sent to me by my mom. May she always rest in peace.

One day things just changed. Our ideas of friendship just changed. We changed with them. Then, Poof! The relationship ended. Notice how I said relationship? Friendship and relationship are two separate categories. They should be at least. The love we found in our friendship will never be replaced. For that reason, our friendship will always be a friendship. Relationship, relating together, that we may never get back. But nothing should change that friendship. To me nothing will. Friendship can’t be a 2-way street. We define friendship, to expect your definition from someone else is inconsiderate as a friend. A lot of people need to read that again. We accept these people as our friends for a reason and we need to trust that reason. Everyone we meet, everyone we love, everyone we let love us. They are all meant to be on our journey. Our job is to understand why and learn what unconditional love is. Friendship is unconditional. Friendship is pure. Friendship is a beautiful gift we let ourselves enjoy. No matter how long the physical body is present in it.

They say a friend to all is a friend to none. I used to use this quote. I used to believe that the people who were kind to other even when they didn’t like them was wrong. Today, I see this differently. I see now, its more about your own peace. It’s your ability to understand that kindness has the possibility to transform a life. That not knowing someone well enough is not a reason to dislike them on their actions. We have this one life. Love will always be love. Happiness will always be happiness. A friendship is a friendship and there is no timeline for this. Most importantly I learned that A friend to all, is in fact, a friend to all.


Stella Marie

Change Nothing, Nothing will Change.

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