#3

Color-blind

Last night, I watched a Filipino movie entitled, “Love is Color-blind”. It was about two best friends wherein the guy who was a very talented painter became color-blind because of an accident. It got me thinking about things that we usually take for granted, like colors.

I realized that I have been color-blind for many years. I just had too many problems to even think about simple things such as colors. I had forgotten to appreciate beauty and life. I stopped being inspired and encouraged. I reduced myself by being a living corpse. I was like a zombie, fixated on only one thing…my problems.

Today, I want to remember what colors I have in my life and what they mean.

Blue is my favorite color. It is simple, not flashy, and unapologetic. And that’s how I’ve always been. You can either accept me or not, but I will dance to my own music and laugh at my own jokes. I have never tried to impress anybody nor worried about how people look at me. I, however, cared about how my friends saw me. That has always been important.

Red is the color of my heart. Good or bad, it explodes anyway. I could never give love half-hearted nor express anger without full force. I can only show you what my heart truly feels in its most extreme form. I will die at the thought of pretending towards someone. So, whoever you are, and however my heart expresses its feelings to you, be relieved that it's real.

Gold is the expensive yet most rewarding color of motherhood. Ah, motherhood! It’s expensive not just because it literally wipes out the numbers in my bank account, but also it makes me give away my most valuable possession which is myself. Seeing them happy, healthy, and being full of life affirms me that it’s all worth it. And it will always feel that way no matter how long and how much I give of myself.

My love for them will always sparkle in gold, no matter how dark everything around me has become. And when I was at the deepest pit, covered with all the corpses that were my problems; that sparkling gold kept me fighting. It gave me the strength to hold on.

My son, Miguel, is the green seesaw. He has many moods. When he’s up, he can be affectionate like a dog. When he’s down, he is as elusive as a cat. But he is now in the “everything is funny” stage. He likes to tell jokes and watch funny youtube videos. Sometimes, he gets engrossed in horror stories and would be scared all night long.

Gabby is my pink mermaid. Her eyes are filled with rainbows. Everything is bright and happy in Gabbyland. There is always something so magical in her world. She is in awe at every single thing that’s new to her. With her, your smiles are never wasted and your affection is always returned. She hugs like there’s no tomorrow.

Black is my style. It is my happy place, my comfort zone, my cane, my favorite pillow, my back support, my confidence booster, my go-to guy, and sometimes my only one. Some people think that there is something bad about black. But I don’t see it that way. Just like how I see the world the way other people don’t. And besides, black makes me look thinner.

Remembering the colors made me smile. It reminded me that I’m not really color-blind. I was just blinded by what I thought should occupy my mind and time the most. I have indeed a colorful life.

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