Life On The Spectrum: Chapter 4

"Ah look at all the lonely people! Ah look at all the lonely people! Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been. Lives in a dream, waits at the window wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door, who is it for? All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

Father Mackenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear, no one comes near. Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there. What does he care? All the lonely people where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? Ah, look at all the lonely people! Ah, look at all the lonely people! Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name nobody came. Father Mackenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave, no one was saved! All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?” -Lennon/McCartney

These are the words of the 1966 Beatles hit “Eleanor Rigby” from their album Revolver. While driving to the Elementary School Fair in 2001, I heard these words, though it was not the hit Beatles version I heard, but rather a cover by a more obscure British musician. I had heard the song before and of course I knew about the Beatles (who doesn’t?) but I had never really listened to the lyrics before then. The continuous, almost pleading cries of “Ah, look at all the lonely people” in this 35-year-old song started sinking in to me. After having my dad explain the song to me I had a sense of dread in my heart for the rest of the day because of the double-helping of themes of loneliness, darkness and depression I had between that and the Digimon episode I had just seen.

The Digimon arc concluded the following Saturday. The depressed children with encouragement about following their dreams from the main characters were able to destroy the dark force that was in the Oikawa character and it ends with him dying though his soul lived on. Yeah kind of cheesy and clichéd but hey it gave a hopeful ending and hope that there would be a good season 3 on the way. (Though in the fall of 2001 I stopped caring about the show because the premise of the third season involved pretending the first few seasons were fictional television shows in the context of the third season’s representation of the real world, which was also fictional. It was all too much for me to comprehend.)

Over the next few weeks the themes of loneliness and depression would even permeate Power Rangers Time Force with the Quantum Ranger character acting like a jerk because according to the mind-reading alien Green Ranger, “He is lonely.” I was trying to shake these dark feelings out of my head because these ideas disturbed me, I hate the concept of human suffering and depression, and now even my favorite TV shows were beating me over the head with it.

These feelings finally reached their maximum intensity a few weeks later, right before the last week of school, when we were driving home from a Minor League Baseball game. I had this feeling of dread that a certain song would come on and sure enough I heard through the speakers, “Ah, look at all the lonely people” and it was the Beatles’ version with the melodramatic string quartet part that brings tears to your eyes. I kept my composure and acted happy till we got home and I broke down and explained the situation to my father. My father gave me a talk about it and told me to look forward to the upcoming trip to Walt Disney World. During the final week at my second Elementary School I was visibly depressed and quiet.

We went to WDW immediately afterward, though we drove ourselves down the old East Coast and stayed at an “off-property” hotel. Before we even went to the parks, I noticed something bizarre on a map of the WDW property. Spaceship Earth was pictured with the Mickey arm and wand still next to it but rather than 2000 above it was the word EPCOT. The next morning, we had a big meeting and breakfast with a timeshare salesman. He casually mentioned to me that the Millennium Hand was indeed still there but could not clarify whether it said 2000 or Epcot. He took us into a suite that I described as a “Home away from home” resort, remembering my Disney publicity videos dialogue and the man jokingly said I should work for the sales department. He pointed out the window toward Spaceship Earth in the far distance indeed there was the word “EPCOT” I thought it was weird that they would just change it to say Epcot rather than just simply take it down. (This topic will be brought up again later in this book)

We of course started our vacation at Epcot, where we spent a lot of the first morning at the “Innoventions” buildings, which we had been unable to see on our last visit. This is where I saw my first-ever plasma screen TV and I was very impressed. Reflections of Earth was a welcome way to raise my spirits that night. We also went to Universal Orlando for the first time.

On Thursday at the Magic Kingdom, though, I broke down briefly because it would be our last day at WDW. We had a cruise to the Bahamas booked that Friday, though I had little hope that it could be anything after a dose of WDW. To my surprise, though, the cruise was very enjoyable (though the rooms were cramped). They had this little comedy show featuring the “New Temptations” on the island, which my brother Kevin and I enjoyed. Kevin and I spent most of our time in the ship’s Kids room where Kevin was obsessing over his Legend of Zelda games on the Game Boy Color. After the cruise we spent brief stints at Ft. Lauderdale and Boca Raton before going home. (On the way home we found out that the Nintendo GameCube was coming out.)

Interestingly (my parents would say tragically), while we were away a hurricane had flooded our basement so we came home to a fanned out carpet less basement since thankfully relatives had been on alert (notably my Aunt Peggy, who noticed it, and my grandparents—the Joneses, because my dad’s father had just undergone heart surgery the day before we left for WDW). All in all, the rest of the summer was a dose of reality that made me think I might never be as happy again as I was while at WDW.

At some point that summer I found out about the fact that I had been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, suddenly all the pills and all the bizarre classroom and school switches began to make sense. This would become a liability in the coming year. I started Middle School around the first week of September 2001. We were the only class in session since the School District that the Intermediate Unit was leasing a school room from was on strike. But the IU staff was not on strike and so we had class, giving us a rather bizarre beginning to Middle School because most of the district kids were not there. That was good on some level, since I did not initially have the problems I expected, having for some time been scared of Middle School and teenagers (I was a strong believer in the line “oh the hideous stench of teenagers,” as was heard in the first Power Rangers film). You might think this odd since I was very close to being a teenager myself. Plus I had other issues; the teachers were brand new and had no more clue to what they were getting into than I did.

On Monday September 10, 2001, at about 2:00 PM I was sent to the Assistant Principal’s office for leaving the classroom without telling anyone. Evidently that was not an appropriate thing to do. I was lectured very harshly, and when I got home, I was both relieved and scared. Little did I know that the next day would change my life and the life of all those around me forever.

Any transgression of mine on September 10, 2001, would soon be a thing of the past. The next day of course would be a day I and almost every person in the world—or at least in the United States—will never forget.