Life On The Spectrum: Chapter 13

After midnight on January 1st 2020, just on a whim I checked out my ex-girlfriends Facebook page. What I saw was a picture of my ex-girlfriend with another man who's hand was on her shoulder. I felt sick. I realized it was too late to get her back again. I must have naively thought she would eventually come to her senses and come back to me. I did not expect her to find someone else that soon. I felt so ill that I threw up. The next few days were spent soul searching where I had gone wrong. After about a week, I felt that I could no longer live with this pain so I was admitted into a hospital. I met some nice people there who encouraged me to let my emotions express themselves. While there, my drum teacher managed to get me a get well card signed by Brian Wilson's former drummer Jim Hines which really made me feel good. After a week at the hospital I was discharged. Over the next month or so we heard on the news that a virus in Wuhan China was spreading. My parents had a trip to the Florida Keys planned in early March. My Brother was warning my parents that he was reading the virus would be bad and pleaded with them not to go. On the day they were supposed to leave for Florida. I had a total re-lapse about my pent-up feelings for my ex-girlfriend. I ended up being hospitalized again. While in the hospital, I helped a fellow patient make it through her first hospitalization in what was one of the most gratifying experiences of my life. When I was let out this time all seemed normal until that night when the NBA announced it was shutting down. within a few days the whole world shut down amidst the COVID-19 epidemic. The President made things worse than ever with his lack of decency. My band Lonely At The Top was also in a state of limbo as we tried to ride out the pandemic.

In mid-July I was sent to the hospital again because my therapist over-reacted to something I said during a session. Once again I met some good people there who helped me through it.

I finished College in October 2020 after taking a nutrition course.

In November, Sanity thankfully triumphed as Joe Biden was elected President.

Sadly, 2021 would prove to be the worst year of my life. You can probably guess my feelings about January 6th so we won't dwell on that.

In June of 2021 I was talked into moving into a group home. At first I thought it was what I wanted since I wanted to get out of my parent’s house. Big mistake, All the other housemates were older than me, some smoked and some were racist. I had to share a room so I had very little time to myself. The only positive was the staff who were fantastic but not enough to make life bearable. in July of 2021, I was hospitalized yet again after threatening to end my life but it still took another month to convince my parents that the group home wasn’t working. After I got out of the group home the sense of relief was all encompassing but my depression was still palpable.

2022 was better but my depression was still a major factor. Luckily my depression was eased by starting a Friday night ritual with my cousins. I go over to my cousins house, We watch the latest Star Wars show on Disney+ and walk around and/or talk a lot. I have become very close with my cousins particularly my cousin Jason with whom I have very deep conversations.

I also have become very close to a group of friends from The Vanguard School who were brought together via a Facebook chatroom. we have had parties at each others houses and they are a great group of people. My band Lonely At The Top lost our bass player in 2021 as he moved to Florida but we quickly replaced him.

In October after many failed attempts, I finally got back my learners permit after letting it lapse years earlier. In December I started training with a special driving school.

To ease my terrible depression I started a special treatment called TMS Therapy. The treatment consists of sitting in a chair and basically what feels like a woodpecker feasting on your head. I also started working with a job coach who helped me search for jobs online. We finally found one at an upscale grocery store. I became a maintenance worker, there and am so far happy with my job there.

After a handful of lessons at the driving school, The Office Of Vocational Rehabilitation suggested I take a driving course at a rehab clinic. I went to the rehab clinic took a test drive with an instructor there, missed a stop sign and was told by the instructor that I shouldn't drive due to attention span issues. I was furious. In May of 2023 I moved into another group home. This one was better than the last one but I was unable to access the mental health services I needed because my insurance wasn't accepted by the parent company of the group home. I moved back into my parents house in October. I now take SEPTA's CCT Service to and from work on most days since I can't drive. I am frankly embarrassed that I have to do so and booking is a hassle. I have to call them to make reservations and I am terrible with phones, I wish they had an app like Uber.

In December of 2023 my Waiver Program finally kicked in after years of trying to get one and I had a staff member to help me manage my activities of daily living. However my first one left after 1 month because she found my mom overbearing. Christmas of 2023 was pretty uneventful.

As of this year I have 2 staff members who visit my home one for Tuesdays and Thursdays, One for Fridays. My Mom thinks within a few years I will be able to live in an apartment with staff help. I am not so optimistic.

I desperately want a new girlfriend but have pretty much accepted that that is unlikely due to my not being able to drive and all my other emotional baggage.

My family is going to France later this year but if Donald Trump wins again in November I will seriously find it difficult to live after that.

I really don't want to make you feel sorry for me. My life has been a long journey and I hope my story will help guide future generations of autistic people.