Diary of a Struggle

Those who read me may think that I am here to give some advice, to say that this or that is right or wrong. First of all, I am here only as my thoughts, speaking to myself without filters. If there is any advice that I try to give, it is for this imperfect being that I am and never to influence anyone to think or be like me. I know that even being like this, by exposing myself here in a public and accessible place to anyone, I have the responsibility in me to always leave a feeling of hope and faith in every thought, despite often talking about pain.

Perhaps this is the diary I have never written before, even though it may not always be a daily one, sometimes not even weekly. It ends up being here where the memories of everything I feel are kept.

I often feel like I am saying the same thing, repeating myself in various thoughts with the same theme. This happens because there are certain themes in me that need intensive reinforcement, as only with this constant reinforcement can I continue to be firm in my healing. In the end, my thoughts are not only a diary of my journey up to this point but also a real-time account of the healing process that I am going through.

I have always been a soul with a dream of freedom and peace. Despite never having lived in permanence like this, I have always fought with all that I am, with all the consciousness I had at each moment, to be able to reach that state.

I've heard it said that talking about pain is being a victim... "we have to be positive," "we have to ignore the pain," "focus only on the positive."

I tried that, and I don't think that's the solution; it may be momentarily, but hiding emotions will not make them change or transmute within us. Those who avoid facing their pains run away from their truth and their healing. To reach our true essence, we have to feel the pain and the darkness, face them, and understand them in order to be able to heal them. Only when we decide to face our fears and defeat them with the sword of forgiveness and love can we close cycles.

When we awaken spiritually, we have the idea that everything will become easier, that we will have more tools to fight the pain, and that even the pain will become more bearable. I also thought that... but I realized that the more I advanced within myself, the greater these pains became, and that even with tools, there is no way to prevent the pain. Deep within us are our master pains, those that we do not even understand where they came from; they are our favorite monsters. They are the ones that cause the most pain, but on the other hand, we embrace them as our own, even creating affection for them by protecting them so much in our own inner home that no one, not even ourselves, could see them.

When we decide to visit and confront them, they are too strong and too big. We have fed them even in that hiding place where they remained; by ignoring them and always avoiding them, that was the greatest supply they could have to grow like that.

For all this, we need to be kind to ourselves and not give up when progress does not meet our expectations. We have been strong, we have done our best, and we are no longer in flight; we have decided to face the beast. I did not come this far to give up, and despite being tired, my sword remains raised against the lie that my fears have made me believe.

We appreciate your exploration of this snippet from "Lost in My Soul: Conversations With the Deepest Parts of Me." If these words have touched your heart, we encourage you to embark on an extraordinary voyage within the pages of my book.

Secure your copy today and begin a profound journey of connecting with the deepest realms of your soul.