A memory memoir

Thinking back on it, I may have been a bit rash. Ok I was definitely a bit radical, I had my walls of defense, but did I have to take flight? Probably not but the action was made. Even through my love Arizona I wouldnt change the choice I made that night and the weeks to follow. Always trust your instincts!

Im in my late 20’s living life as I feel the pull. I was out of the military for maybe 2 years at this point. I was ready to find myself again. I had adjusted back to civilian life enough to venture into the world. I craved new places, wanted to meet more interesting people. I really needed a change, so I found it.

I actually flipped a coin but I just could not decide. I was accepted into two different schools. One for psychology and well the other for culinary arts. I know you’re thinking those are pretty different occupational choices. I have a love for both but I ultimately went with what the coin resulted in. Which was.. drum roll please… culinary art with a focus is patisserie art.

This was wonderfully exactly what I needed too. I loved it there, the chefs and fellow students in my class were awesome and just full of good times. I had two jobs but A few of my classmate and I, also worked together at this bakery in Scottsdale called Venezia’s. They were a great company to work for I wish I never left. It was there I was working the night where my life would soon take a turn and drastic change.

It was Friday the start of a great weekend or so I thought. I’m living in Arizona Mesa to be precise at the. Me and my boyfriend of nearly 2 years now I live together in my apartment at the lovely la petite château on baseline Avenue. I loved these apartments. Small Qwaint, cozy and quiet. They had a nice pool in the center, it was my second time I living here.

I’ve been with my boyfriend at the time for maybe about two years. Everything was great, I thought. We had very minor issues in regards to his drinking. Periodically some people would also say to him, “I’m just gonna leave when I’m done college”. To which I never had intented to leave him. In fact, at the time of this particular evening, my internship had all but finished and my actual classes had ended already.

So again, it’s Friday. There’s a party happening at our friends house, his close friends which I also enjoyed spending time with. I felt really clicked in with them. It was as though I belonged. I’m just finishing up work and I’m heading there. Reached out in a text to Sean letting him know I’m on my way. No reply came which was a bit unusual, didn’t matter much I would be there shortly.

Upon arriving, there was a lot more people there than I had thought. that was cool i liked meeting new people. And I was glad to have enough to smoke with everyone and myself, got to keep my anxiety at bay. But nothing quite prepared me for what was going to happen. I certainly smoked through more weed then I had intended. Mind you I do not like drama, I normally avoided like the plague. So I walked in tons of people were out back, but I’m not worried about that now.

Right now I’m wanting to smoke. Chris greets me, It’s his place and he’s in his kitchen getting some drinks together. He says perfect timing. What do you want to drink so I said some tequila and a shot of whiskey. And I sat down at the bar table and started rolling some joints. Someone else was at the party whose name I can’t remember I only had just met them asked me to roll this blunt so I zipped that up quickly.

I take my shot of whiskey and my shot of tequila right after I finished with the rolling. We will head outside to smoke, and also meet up with my boyfriend Sean. To my dismay. I tried to say hi to him and get him to acknowledge me, but he is wrapped up in the game they’re playing and also another woman. I don’t know this person like most people at this party, I’m not from Arizona.

So I try not to read into it, walk over to the bench and start smoking with everyone who wanted to smoke. I tried to include Sean but no luck, so I move on with my night drinking smoking and having a good time with friends. made the best of it and had fun.

Hours have gone by since I have been at this party, and still, Sean has yet to acknowledge me being there. We were all goofing off in the kitchen, his friends and me taking some shots talking smack being weirdos that we are. Then in comes Sean drunker than ever and just like wow when did you get here? To watch everybody looked at him and said, what do you she’s been here for hours? He gives a weird face and just says give me a shot and tries to kiss me and I just backed away at that point.

I think it’s a good point to know that at this point in my life, I had a strike policy basically with any relationship in my life. There’s certain things that I would give you a chance to not do again in order to maintain relationships and friendships. With that there’s also some things that there will never be a second chance from. That includes cheating and the inclination of cheating. Which was basically what he was doing being all over this chick. Yeah, they didn’t make it out but they were really touchy Feely and he never noticed me try to talk to him even when I was like “HAY SEAN!”.

The night just goes on to get weird. He’s so drunk he wants to get hit and they all know I’m a marine want to Marine, always a Marine. So he’s like punch me punch me in the face. I want to feel strong you are. Naturally, I reply no I’m not going to hit you in the face you’re drunk you don’t know what you’re saying. But his buddy at this point is like I’ll hit you in the face if you really want it. At first he was half joking, and then Sean just kept insisting so his buddy punched him in the face.

Sean staggers back And says wow what was that? Was that a woman? We are all like are you serious right now? Your face is already bruising. But I’m telling him stop just sit down and drink some water chill out. Even though inside, I’m basically fuming because my existence wasn’t there because this other chick was there. So I just smoke more weed drink a little bit more liquor and chill out.

As time passed on in the party died out We went home to a lovely apartment at La petite chateau. I’m pretty tired at this point I have work the next day so I’m going to bed and I don’t really wanna be anywhere around Sean. Even though we live together in a one bedroom apartment. So I go into the bedroom and I lock the door. He tries to come in and I tell him na you can sleep on the couch.

So I’m trying to get to sleep and then I hear my phone go off somebody sent me a text and it’s Sean But this text is not for me. This text was meant for the girl he was with. “ I had such a great time with you tonight. We definitely have to do this again. Can’t wait to see you again.” … talk about a crusher. So I text him back, “really MF?!? Did you have such a good time with her? Maybe you should pay attention to who you’re sending text to.” You could feel the tension in the air he just realizing how bad he messed up.

He comes to the door is like I’m sorry that’s not what I meant to send. To which I replied, it sure is what you meant to send. I saw you all over her all night. But it’s not my place to make drama especially at a house party that’s not mine. He reverts to quietness and goes back to laying on the couch.

Now it’s after midnight. At this point I still have to work in a few hours, but I can’t sleep. I start packing my bag that’s in the closet with all of my stuff, except for what I might need for the next two weeks. It was right then that I realized yep I’m leaving you and I’m not gonna say a word. I see Sean was already aware of my strike policy because I informed him and I had to re-inform him a prior time when he did something that is a big red flag. It’s cool if that’s the kind of person he is he can be him, but I’m not gonna be a part of it.

So I said two weeks because I needed to give two weeks notice to my employers. These two weeks also gave me time to pack and ship most of my belongings home so I didn’t need to take them on the flight with me. The night before my flight I stop by to see Chris as he was watching the show Game of Thrones. At this point I have not watched any of the show. It was at the point where the little guy is fighting in a sandpit or some thing, and then he escapes into a boat. I think it was right around the time that they killed the king. Maybe like the third season or second season mid season.

Chris was asking how things been since the party and I told him not good and he looked at me and he said “uh you’re not leaving him are you?” And then I said yeah I am. He wanted me to give him another chance, but I don’t give a second chance to cheaters even planned cheating.

Being invisible to Sean that night as he flirted and touched up all over this chick, and then messaged her that night. Let me know where I stood. Through all of his family saying I was just gonna leave when I finished college, well now they were right. Because that next day I didn’t have work I had an early a.m. flight. I left Sean a message, a note actually. Letting him know he could have my car. The spare key was with him. I told him why I left and that we were done. When I arrived at the airport, I noted where I parked the car. I arrived at the airport early I had a 6am flight to Philly, so I was going to catch some sleep in the airport before it took off. So that night I slept at the airport.

Shortly after arriving I ordered some food at a place that was still open in the terminal area, that’s when Sean called me. I answered and he immediately said Sarah!! Please don’t leave! It’s too late much too late for me not to leave. Yeah my flight didn’t take off But it’s taking off with me. As he cried so much over the phone it was hard for me also to not cry because I did love this man. But I also need to love myself more, to not end up in pain from a bad relationship.

It’s very hard when someone is crying and pleading for you not to go and how I reply to them is telling them we’re done, and this is where I left the car. I mentioned maybe his mom can take him to pick it up. I had actually thought about just driving from Arizona to Philadelphia but I would probably have spent more money than with airfare. And then it was just repeating him saying “please please please Sara don’t go please Sara don’t leave me don’t do this to me…”

Well, sir, you’ve already done it to me, and I will not stand by and be cheated upon. So I’m leaving on a jet plane. Don’t know when I’ll be back again but I’m leaving. I loved Arizona. It was my home away from my home it devastated me that I had to leave all that I had built, but it needed to be done.

Sure maybe I could’ve just got a different apartment and moved out. But then he would’ve probably gone to my jobs. Try to reason his way back into my life. I was hurt and strong people. Don’t like to show how hurt they are. So I bought a flight and started my life again first heading back to my hometown and then within the next six months, I found myself in the lovely state of California for a new beginning and a new home away from home.