Humbled

I left on a jet plane for much needed self love seeking new experiences and friendships from all wakes of life. Some times unfortunate events leads to wonderful memories and unexpected bonds. I never anticipated what would come to be in my moving experiences. Nothing could be more humbling then my experiences with homeless people in California.

It was February 2012 when the greyhound reached Los Angeles California. With luck we arrived very early in the morning. I was eager to get off, this was longest ride in a cramped bus having me wish I flew instead. We were warned to make hast to our destination, the station was right at the infamous skid row. If you’re unfamiliar, this is the most populated street of homeless individuals in state.

At the time I like many people assumed they were probably just drug addics and criminals or people just not trying to better themselves by putting in the effort to make their lives better. As we walked down the street to the nearest spot to call a taxi or catch public transit, we walked past everyone on this street. Everyone was just waking up or just was already up and in line for breakfast a local community organized. I remember thinking this was so kind of them to do this every day. It wasn’t just breakfast they were also given a bag lunch.

As I continued on, seeing the hundreds of people without homes, I felt bad for them. The street was filthy and cluttered. There were no trash cans or places they could go to the bathroom. They all looked exhausted, some had tents others used cardboard or hung cloths between shopping carts to provide some privacy. The bus driver even told us, “walk quickly and don’t make eye contact”. Which was so sad thinking about as I walked past all these fellow humans struggling for just basic needs.

I think as I walk on saying good morning to several people they too though I was homeless. I had my luggage bags and after being on a bus for over a day I definitely wasn’t looking my best. Someone even told me they had hot food just up ahead if I was hungry. Although I didn’t need it, they way homeless people look out for one another was so wonderful. This was the start opening my eyes to the reality of homelessness.

I lived at the edge of Santa Monica and Venice. Being a block away from the beach I would wake up early each morning sit in the sand watching the ocean. I always felt centered as I listened to the waves, the birds squawking and the wind rushing by. It was during this time I would hear sirens randomly at around 5:50 to 6am every morning like clockwork. It was a month or so after I arrived that I discovered what it was.

There are law in place that prevent homeless individuals from sleeping past a certain hour as well as when they are allowed in some parts to sleep or set up tents. Any time around 5:45am they begin to wake up those living on the streets. They are lenient at times, whereas if you’re not up and packing up by 6 AM, they may hold off giving a fine. This usually comes with how many times they warn you. This was the case for Santa Monica and Venice homeless. It might be different on Skid Row as I was not around there past my initial arrival.

I started volunteering at a few local shelters and feeding centers. There’s surprisingly a lot of support offered to the homeless, but it does vary by age range, and of course availability. They do have a shelter for the winter in which they pick everybody up in the bus and take them to a local military base for sleeping to which they do offer meals as well. They offer a lot of support for LGBT community who is also suffering from homelessness, and to the youth, which I believe, was anybody under the age of 26. There’s sober living for those seeking help in lifestyle changes and also women’s shelters. The military offers veterans housing and help with jobs. All of these have limits of availability and most help with finding a job and providing assistance with housing.

I volunteered at Saint Joseph center that was located in Venice. This center was also associated with what they called the rose café. As the names, it was located on Rose Avenue in Venice. There was a culinary school and they would have students come and work at the café. They had a set menu and the homeless were allowed to come there for 1 of three morning dinings. It was great, he would go to Saint Joseph center in the morning. Everyone waited in line and he would sign up for when you wanted to take your meal.

While at the café, you would be given table service. They would ask you what you would like to eat out of the choices provided. And they would bring that over with your beverage of choice milk, juice, or water. They offered dietary options for those who have restrictions. And the food is also delicious and fresh. It meant so much for the folks dining to feel as many put it “human again”. Being able to sit down and chat like any of person without being judge for the lifestyle they are currently living in was monumental.

Saint Joseph’s center it’s where I met and got to know so many wonderful people. Although they were homeless they had so much heart for everyone around them also in the same situation. There’s a lot of misconception about homeless people. A lot of people think they are druggies are lazy people who don’t wanna get a job. But the truth is they all work very hard. And although it might not seem like it, they are trying. And it’s a very small portion that are substance users. The majority of homeless that I had contact with had mental illness. Some of which once were in centers for the mentally ill. Either their family gave up on them, couldn’t afford it anymore or the place they were at shut down. This left them to the street.

To my amazement most people looked for the best out of what they had. Of course they had bad days, rainy weather, injuries, theft, and the rudeness a lot had to endure while already at what society sees as a lowest of all lows no “home”. All of them found community within each other. Providing support and checking in on their fellow neighbors. They often would share in their good fortune when receiving cash from the many people who do help the homeless. Some would even assist another getting to the local clinic on rosé avenue that offered free medical treatment to those experiencing homelessness.

Saint Roberts is one church I volunteered with on the weekend, offering bagged lunches at noon. We would arrive at about 10am to prepare sandwiches, chicken salad, tuna salad, or peanut butter and jelly. The lunches would also include fruit and snack a drink. While the community waiting for lunches, we would bring out fresh coffee, water, juice and dessert. When I had the time I would make something homemade, cookies, pound cake or banana bread. Their was always a good turn out. This lovely group of people played dungeons and dragons the paper game. It didn’t take long for me to end up joining them, it was a lot of fun the one women Rita was so sweet she was maybe 20 years older than me or so and eager to learn and play she rocked it surprising herself!

After Saint Roberts church would close for the day my friend Isaac and I would take the remaining bags (usually quite a lot), walk down to the beach to see if there was anybody else who is in need. This is also wear more caring was given by those also homeless. There were so many times will be walking the beach, Get to a group that was also homeless. they would tell us “hey about a mile down the beach there’s someone with a broken leg who can’t really get around”. We would both walk all the way down until we found them which we did and offer them lunch most the time giving them extra. And nothing is more moving then the joy and thankfulness they give by just receiving meals.

While volunteering at Saint Joseph center I met this one man named Lee, he had been homeless since the mental institution shut down that he was once in. I still remember the first few times I saw him, you could really see how his disability effected him. Lee’s a great guy, the first time he really talked to me was on my way into the center one morning. He was running away from the center and had a frantic look on his face. Upon recognizing me he stopped and say. “Uh hey I know you, you know me right? Well I set the tree on fire, I didn’t mean to but it’s on fire I don’t know what to do. I can’t be arrested!”

After getting him to calm down on a walk to the Saint Joseph’s. I see his shopping cart under the tree and as it turned out the fire went out. The one branch had a few leaves catch and burn but a fellow homeless man put it out. Lee still frantic I reassured no him that everything was fine and there was nothing to worry about. I told him make sure you don’t play with fire and if you have to cook don’t do it under a tree. He was relieved and went back to waiting in line.

After that day I started paying more attention to him. Watching how others interact with him and learning his ticks. He was a lonely guy, most people didn’t pay him much mine. One day in particular really stuck in my mind. While at the Rose Café, he was trying to find someone to sit with him. He was at a table for two and no one would sit with him. He went and asked some people “are you my friend”, to which everyone, he asked, sadly replied no I am not your friend. Then he saw me and asked again, “Are you my friend?” I quickly replied. Yes of course I’m your friend. He was a very nice fellow. And I could see the importance for him to just know we had a friend. So I sat and had lunch with him. We talked about whatever he wanted to talk about. everyday after that we would have small interactions, every time we saw each other, he would ask “how do I look?” He wanted to honestly know if he was dressed well almost like a reality check.

I still remember the first day he asked me, it was on a Saturday I was on my way to Whole Foods Market. I was actually just across the street from the store. When he stopped and asked me, how do I look? He was wearing the silliest outfit. Everything was clean, but he was wearing a woman’s blazer. His top was very colorful, and then he was wearing men’s dress pants. If he had asked anybody else, they probably would’ve just laughed at him and said you look like a fool. But I told him he looked fancy. I told him he was looking sharp given how brightly colored his outfit was and that some of it didn’t quite match. I asked him if he liked what he was wearing, and he said YES!, very confidently. I said that’s what matters as long as you like it that’s all that matters. I let him know what he could wear to make his outfit look better if he wanted. And from there I became an on and off thing of “how do I look”.

There were honestly so many wonderful people who were unfortunately homeless, but fortunate, because they were able to meet and bond with so many people the otherwise wouldn’t have been able to. And it was my pleasure to honestly meet them. I would always make it a point to have conversations and get to know anyone that I could. I even let one woman whose name I can’t remember she always looked at my hair. It was either always up in a ponytail, or sometimes down. She would always be like “girl, When are you gonna let me do your hair?” I’ll always tell her at some point when I have more time. She insisted it wouldn’t take long. So one afternoon after I was done washing clothes for the last person of the day, I let her do my hair. For the first time in my life, I got cornrows. To my amazement, it looked really good and it stayed in for days. Mind you I’m covered in freckles, pale and have fine red hair. I am a “ginger” after all, which is why I was shocked to look good in them. I don’t take many photos of myself unless requested 😅 so I don’t really have many! But here’s one from before she did my hair.

To me, California is home. Even though I wasn’t born there, I felt like my soul belong there. that was a place where I fit right in, I got along with everybody I met, and I met more people than I ever would have had I not traveled. Some of the most interested encounters too! The first being my first day on the beach. It was really barely the beach, I chose this spot fairly close to the bike path under a palm tree. I was at least 70 feet away from it looking out to the ocean working on a hemp macramé necklace. I had been hearing someone yell, “hey, hey lady, hello!?!” so I finally turned trying to figure out who this was yelling out and for who. The second I turn my head and saw the him, he was said “yes, you!” And just shouted out 420 and tossed me some prerolled joints from a local dispensary and said enjoy! He was just 2 feet short of where I was so I stood up, picked them up and said thank you. He said spreading love and just continues walking down the path.

That’s not all either, I had this Joey Mars shirt he is the artist who does all the Grateful Dead work and this was one of his shirts. That’s apparently worth a lot of money. My mom bought it for me back when I was in high school and it was at a farmers market called the Q Mart, or Quakertown farmers market. It cost her $20. It’s the only shirt I have on I’m not caring extra shirts with me while I’m walking around. this guy passes me and stops says hey can I buy that shirt off you? I’ll give you five bucks right now. I am almost dumbfounded by him asking and I’m like no. This is my shirt and I have no other shirt. He offers me his shirt and again insist that I am not telling him my shirt. I tell him how long I’ve had it. Disappointed he says OK. Let me know if you change your mind. I’ve never noticed this guy before but he does ask me two more times if he could buy the shirt. The third time I saw him was right before I was leaving California. At this time I had no idea how much this shirt was actually worth. I never looked up the artist, until after because he was filled with so much joy that it confused me because this shirt had holes in it from moths eating at it over the years. I am thinking, how could he had so much joy with such a tattered shirt I mean it is Grateful Dead and all but it’s not a brand new, and it is damaged. I gave it to him and he gave me five dollars, and he also smoked a joint with me in thanks.

This is that shirt and the other one I still have

There’s one other really memorable “counseling” I was given from a homeless woman. She who is apparently royalty in England. I have to tell you a little bit about this woman because she’s wonderful. I have so much love for her. She is so skilled I wish she had a place to grow her talent. To most she probably seems or has been diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder. But I find her completely pleasant she’s just after her time. She’s quite eccentric, as if she’s actually from medieval England. She made all her clothes from old thick curtains, and I believe it is all hands sowed. In fact, she made me a skirt, so I could be more modest. I was unable to refuse the gift. She had insisted, and had gone through all the time to make it. She had distain of some particular individuals and would always tell them to know their place, and that she was of the High Court of the queen of England. And that certain females can claim their space as well. But one day she had a conversation with me saying that I would meet someone at a time would come where I might want to leave them but she assured me that I should not leave them, and that I would regret it if I did. She was so sure about it the look in her eye in the passion that she spoke led me to believe she had some sort of vision of my future.

I also had sever moving experience the one that really set in was this homeless man I had never seen before. I was just at at local grocery store, I purchased several perfectly ripe mangos some other fruits and granola bars. It wasn’t much as I was heading down towards the beach to relax at my favorite hidden spot. On the way there, there is a parking garage before the McDonald’s on Santa Monica blvd. it was right at the base of the steps this very thin man stood holding a sign. Says will do anything for work or food anything helps, thank you!

Once I read that sign I knew all this food I purchased wasn’t for me anymore. Mind you I’m not well off I have struggles just like the lot of us lower class people. This man’s face was sunk in I could see he struggled more for food then myself and I could just go back to the store and get more later. So I stopped turned around and gave this man the whole bag. I walked up to this corner store to get a water bottle for him after and came back to give it to him. At this point he was not holding the sign he was sitting underneath the stairwell devouring a mango. The sheer joy of him eating like that literally brought me to tears. It was more humbling then anything. Even now writing this recalling it all has me well up a bit. It was just some simple food, but it was so much more. Those mangos were juicy and refreshing his face said it all. He was so grateful for everything. There are some fake homeless people who panhandle for a living who then pop into an expensive car they parked close by. I’ve seen two myself and I was shock and disgusted by them. But I never let that ruin the help I give to those actually experiencing homelessness.

Not all my humbling experiences in California came from the homeless. Some came from an unlikely source. The most wonderful raccoons that could have even been there for me. I love camping and being outside. Although it is illegal to camp in tapanga canyon just on the edge of Santa Monica and Malibu I did on several weekends. (I am a skilled outdoorsman I would like to state). I would build a stone fireplace or primitive Chimenea to cook in and on while I was camping. I could make just about anything cooking or even baking. One evening I was visiting by a raccoon, he smelled me cooking pasta and garlic bread and decided to ask me for some. (Yes I know I shouldn’t had fed the wildlife, but it’s be in your trash cans otherwise 😂). I was had a piece of toast I directly handed it and the coon only walked away slightly and then turned back to eat it while I too also ate. I found this so wonderful I have always loved these night time bandits! This would not be the last time we shared a meal or had a memorable night with.

One evening last at night while again I was camping alone kind you. I woke up suddenly, and very groggy I heard something weird and in my sleep daze I couldn’t recognize at first that what was standing just outside my net tent was this raccoon and just a bit further down the small path by the creek was a pack of animals. They could’ve been coyotes or wild dogs, Or as I found out we’re also in that mountain range were lions. There was a little bit of moonlight and I called at least four staring, right my way. This coon let out what I call it’s crazy screech, but before I realized that the pack animals were there I had yelled out, “what are you, what do you want!?! And ahhhh”. I laugh now thinking about what I said but it’s struck me fast that this raccoon was indeed protecting me, and it was not alone in that! Two other raccoons let out a screech as well and then they animals left. It was a bit terrifying at first knowing I could have just been eating alive by a pack of wild animals. More over I was so relieved and thankful for this coon that did not one move itself from the only acceptable point they would have to me. This raccoon saved my life and make me realize there are certain times of the month that I indeed should not be camping. I made it a point to always thank and reward this raccoon.

Even with all this craziness that came to be not all was scary in the canyon. One weekend I was just exploring more of the area on a hike. I always whistled while I walked and explored making quick friends with local birds who came to mimic my songs. Hummingbird definitely have interest in me. Beside the one in Arizona that would fly backwards and sing with me as I whistle on my way to work in the morning. This one’s here in California were just as curious of me and my songs. They would indeed mimic me and come fly around trying to find me. Even in a tuck away stop I popped into for a smoke session. They would fly around my head doing there unique cherping it was magical and make me feel like Snow White in ways.

I never imagined the bonds I would grow with all the wildlife and people in California but it was the best experience of my life so far and humbling in so many way. I cherish and appreciate all these wonderful times and memories build alone the years here. I know animals can sense the good or bad in people and it’s so moving and rewarding that I was able to experience everything I did in seemingly a short time in my overall existence so far. This time opened my heart and soul up fully to love and value life in all its forms. We are more connected then some may want to believe and it’s important to be kind not just to our fellow humans but to all wakes of life. You never know when one my just save your life!