40 Years Of Courtship

We met while I was dating your friend and we knew right away that our souls were meant to be together. We looked away because anyone near us would see in our eyes and feel in our vibes that we wanted each other.

You would come over to his house as often as I did and there were times that he would say, "You have been coming over a lot lately", but he never knew that we longed for each other.

Because you two were so tight, there were trips together, dinners, social gatherings and movie nights. He was your boy, you wouldn't dare come between us. You knew how he felt about me, but you were not sure of my feelings for him.

You could see when you looked in my eyes that I was interested, but you knew that I would not hurt him. And when I looked into your eyes, I knew that we should be together.

He and I had started to drift apart and I wanted so badly to ask him for your number, but I knew that that would be totally disrespectful. There were so many times that I called him and even went to see, hoping that you would be there. I just wanted to see if you would be interested if he and I were no longer together.

We went through this for 2 1/2 years and never made a move to get together. Finally, I stopped seeing him and I thought that I would never see you again.

It would be almost 20 years later that I would run into you at my job. You were there to see your sister and I was going downstairs to get a package. I saw you and my heart sank. It was as though we had never lost contact. You looked at me the way you had so many years prior and you let your sisters hand go and gave me a big hug.

Everyone was watching and your sister was in total shock. We came so close to kissing one another that I felt my knees trying to give way. I quickly, or what I had hoped was quickly, got myself together. You introduced me to your sister and then you and I exchanged numbers.

We spoke later that day and I found out that you were in a relationship and that we would not be able to be anything other than friends.

We talked almost every day and to this day, I don't really know what about. We went out only 7 times and unfortunately none of those times were to my house. The passion that we had for each other was overwhelming. We started getting really close and just as we had done before, after 2 years of being in each others space with no intimacy, we decided that we had to part ways. The vibes between us were so strong, neither one of us wanted to mess up you home life.

Parting ways is just a cute way of saying goodbye. It doesn't have to mean forever, but nevertheless, it is still goodbye. I must say, I cried for a long time after we ended our conversations and our friendship. Questions never answered and feelings never acted upon.

I kept tabs on you through your sister. After meeting that day and finding out that she and I worked at the same place we because acquaintances. I started a company and she and I collaborated on several things and ideas. We even got together and performed a fashion show. You were there and you were so proud of your sister, I could see it all over your face. At the time, I didn't know that you were proud of me as well, but I would find that out later.

After the fashion show, it would be another 10 years before I would see you again. At that time, you were divorced and we kind of picked up where we left off, somewhat. You had become a workaholic and making money was your thing. Day, night, weekends and all the overtime you could get. There was really no time for me. You would squeeze me in here and there and take me to dinner or a show, but we never got back to where we once were.

With us going out and all the dinners and shows, we never got to the intimacy. We hugged and kissed, but you always had to run and go to work. Calling and talking every day was good.

I hadn't heard from you in months. I was still sending you the good morning messages, but nothing. Four months later was your birthday and I sent you a happy birthday message. I got a message saying, "who is this". I should have been hurt, but I was actually relieved to hear from you. I told you it was me and we talked.

I was sad to hear that you had been in the hospital for the past 4 months with kidney failure. You would be there for another 3 months. When you got out, there was no one there to help you. I was there. I could not be with you all the time because of work, but I paid my sister to come over and wash your clothes and bring you food. I would bring you food on Sunday to last for the week. You were doing great with dialysis.

You started driving because you were tired of depending on people. That was who you were, a strong black independent man, who did not know how to take it easy. I talked and talked and begged you to slow down, you couldn't/wouldn't.

Here we go again. I have not hear from you in months. I came to your place and no answer. I came on a Sunday to bring you food, no answer. I didn't know any of your neighbors, so I could ask anyone about you.

Where are you KC, where are you? If you are able, you would not make me worry, you would find a way to get in touch with me. I finally decided to send a message asking if this was still your phone and to my surprise, it was not. My heart sank. The person on the other end said that he has had that phone for 6 months. I asked why he didn't tell me to stop sending the good morning messages. He said that he was enjoying them and they brightened his day. He said that it would be fine if I missed my friend and wanted to still send the messages.

A 40 year relationship, that was never meant to be. A platonic relationship that could have taken a turn at anytime, but never did. I suspected in my heart and I now know that you are gone. A piece of my heart left when that realization jumped in and knocked me to my feet.

I will never, in a million years, be able to explain our 40 year courtship and a love that will never be.