The Beginning of Fate

When we think of books that have changed or shaped us in one way or another, we always think of books that are already published. We may think of one of the classics such as "The Great Gatsby" by F. Scott Fitzgerald, or maybe we think of "Fahrenheit 451" by Ray Bradbury. We may even think of some other classics that we had to read in middle school, high school, or college at one point or another.

Others may think of a fictional book they read one summer when they were at their grandparents house, or one that their teacher suggested to them. Maybe the book that we think about when asked what book changed us is our favourite celebrities memoir or autobiography, because let's face it, some of them are really eye-opening and make us realize things about life we didn't before.

When I think of books that have changed me, quite a few come to mind. I think of authors such as James Patterson, Rick Riordan, L. J. Smith, Stephan King and so many others that I love. However, as a writer, I often forget that I have my own manuscripts.

I can say that a book by James Patterson changed me. And in some ways, that is entirely true. If I had never stumbled upon his novel series "Maximum Ride," with the help of my English teacher at the time, I never would have found my love and passion for writing. I wouldn't be who I am today, and I definitely would not be the writer that I am today.

The first book that truly changed me in every way, shape, and form possible was the first manuscript I ever completed from cover to cover- "HITMAN." It was the very first novel I wrote, and as I wrote the last few sentences, I remember the tears forming in my eyes because I couldn't believe I had finally done the one thing I had wanted to do since I was eleven years old and reading "Nevermore" by James Patterson- write a novel from start to finish.

Writing a novel was nothing like what I thought it was, it had seemed so easy. I mean, there are millions upon millions of books out there, so really, how hard could it be?

Little did I know, it was going to be one of the most challenging things I will have ever tried to do. But it would also be the most rewarding thing I've ever completed, and turn into something I would want to do over and over again.

With the ideas that I had for "HITMAN," I thought I would have enough, and as it turns out I had more than enough, plus my characters had my back in the moments that I was unsure. But that didn't stop me from having to do loads and loads of research. My Google search history is probably one of the most questionable ones there are due to the things I needed the answer to- for plot purposes of course.

I didn't necessarily have an outline for the novel, but I had pages, sticky notes, index cards, and messages with my best friend highlighting all of the many ideas I had. As I began to write, I quickly became friends with writer's block. And if it wasn't for my best friend, Cheyanne, I don't think I would have finished even the first ten chapters. I would have just continued writing the many excerpts I had pent up in my head.

When I didn't know where to go next, Cheyanne was right there to help me out. And when she was busy, my characters seemed to write their own story. It was a wonderful thing to watch it unfold, all through my fingertips.

When writing "HITMAN," I experienced so many emotions so fast that I felt as if I was on two roller coasters at once- and I had a hard time deciding on if I loved the rush, or if it wasn't for me. I felt happy, I felt passion, I felt frustrated, I felt lost. Most importantly, I felt as though I didn't know what I was doing.

But nearly four manuscripts later, I realized that maybe none of us writer's actually know what we're doing. Maybe we are all just pretending to know what we're doing, and figuring some things out on the way- and we somehow just end up with a wonderful little masterpiece. A piece of us down on paper, eternalized in ink. A piece of us forever written down, ready to go down in history.

While writing my first manuscript, I had learned a lot about myself in the process, and realized that I needed to change aspects of my daily routine if I truly wanted to write a novel from cover to cover. I needed to teach myself discipline. I needed to learn to hold myself accountable. I needed to take the time to teach myself the things I didn't know but needed to, or find someone who had the knowledge in it that could help me.

And I did each of those things with the help of my best friend. I started to set time aside every single day in order to work on the chapters I wanted to write. Shortly after, I started to create writing schedules for myself to follow. I started to prioritize writing over other things I would normally do, such as watch a television show or go on a drive just to do so. I began to research everything I could from writing tips, to tropes, to popular genres, to how a novel is constructed.

Slowly, writing started to become the only thing I could keep my interest in, and as it turns out, I was in for the double roller coaster ride entirely. I loved the rush, and the highs and lows. I may have felt lost, but it wasn't anything I couldn't figure out within a few research articles and questions.

When writing my first manuscript, I learned that writing was more than just a hobby of mine that I was going to have for a few months and then never touch again. I never expected to truly finish the manuscript, but as it turns out, finishing the first one blew a door wide open for me that I didn't even know was there. "HITMAN" was intended to be a stand-alone novel, and very quickly the ideas spread even greater and now it's a trilogy, with a sub trilogy ready to go when I'm done with the first. And truth be told, I couldn't be happier with the outcome.

I think as writers, when we think about the books that change us, we always forget about the fact that our first books that we write are truly the ones who get the credit for changing us in one way or another. Even if we never make it to the finish line and complete it, we still learned something about ourselves and it still changed us even if it wasn't in the way we had hoped- though that isn't a bad thing.

If it wasn't for "HITMAN," I don't know who I would be. Today, writing means everything to me. It's more than just a fun little hobby of mine, it's a passion that burns deep inside that tells me this is what I'm meant to do- tell the stories in my head to everyone everywhere in one of the easiest ways.

But man oh man, was I in for a surprise in the beginning when I thought the process would be easy. I can't complain much though, I do love a challenge.