Red Lips

When COVID-19 became more than something happening far away on the news, it was my birthday. By this point, shops were closing voluntarily, concerts and events were cancelled. People were turning into sanitizer and toilet paper gluttons and stocking up on the "essentials" to line their houses in a year's supply of toilet paper and hand sanitizer in preparation for never leaving their homes again.

I rushed off to get my haircut, buy body and hand lotion, and stock up on lip balm, magazines, books, and Pringles. I threw in a few lipsticks as well, as they're my favourite makeup item, and patted myself on the back for being so organized.

Shaving my head was a great idea, as my hair is thick, my skin/scalp is oily, and spring was coming, I couldn't hide behind a hat forever.

Two weeks later, both of my new MAC lipsticks were untouched, I was nearly out of with my hand cream, and I had stress eaten several trips to the grocery store worth of Pringles.

Like many, my skincare game became intense during the lockdown. My skin is the clearest and calmest it has been since before puberty hit and turned me into a crying, yelling, angry punk kid with blue hair, thick black eyeliner and acne.

The blue hair is gone, but the playlist is still the same.

So, with "I'm Not OK" by My Chemical Romance blasting, much to my family's dismay as they were now forced to listen to my barely changed playlist aptly titled by 15 years old me "Fuck the world," I swapped my morning makeup routine for skincare routine.

I start the morning with Blume's Dreamy cleanser, followed by Sephora's SAL acid, and The Ordinary's Alpha Arbutin. I spritz my face with Tower 28's spray and do my hair while I wait for my face to dry completely. Then I put on Milk Makeups Kush Lip Glaze in Chronic and Kingston Soap Company's face cream.

The buzzcut is gone, the floof is back, and R+Co's airlift mousse and badlands dry shampoo paste change me from any boy in a boyband who has straight hair to that cool guy from college who skateboards everywhere and is passionate about consent and local politics.

If I'm going to see other people or need to be productive, I do my makeup. I can't go back to bed with mascara on; it's terrible for my sheets and skin.

I start with Glow Recipe's Plum Plump HA acid serum, which has a tacky texture. Then I contour with NYX's 3D Blush in Taupe, highlight with Half Caked's candy paint in Sugar Cookie, and if I feel like it, a blush to match my eyeshadow.

I prime my eyes with Too Faced's shadow insurance, which is tied with Urban Decay's primer potion for most used eye primer, and put on eyeshadow.

I'll be honest, eyeshadow until last year wasn't my main interest. Lipstick has always been my favourite—mostly red, blue and blue-toned reds.

So when facemasks became a staple, I was bummed, mainly for the fact that millions of people have died and have had to adjust after life-changing events such as suddenly losing a family member, having permanent lung damage from COVID-19 themselves, or losing their jobs. But a small, selfish part of me who just wanted life to be "normal" again was upset that lipstick was now not an option. It stains my facemask, it gets everywhere, and I have had to slather my lips in lip balm due to the constant mask-wearing.

I am guilty of retail therapy, sometimes. So justifying eyeshadow palettes as a purchase was easy. But I returned most of them unused; the best eyeshadow palettes in my collection, which I replaced because they were cesspools of bacteria, covered in eyeshadow powder, and starting to smell, are ABH's Modern Renascence and my Too Faced Chocolate bar palette. Both are, compared to what the multi-billion dollar industry is pushing out amidst a pandemic, boring. I love them for their boring, heavily used neutrals and reds. With everything changing, dipping into Tempera and Love Letter for an everyday look has been my safe place in the morning.

If I'm not going anywhere, I still put on lipstick. For the same reason, I replaced very old palettes with no business being used for as long as they had because it's comforting.

My brows are last, and Colourpop's brow boss gel in clear is my secret to making whatever brow pencil or pomade I snagged on sale work.

Then I set my face with the Rose Glow Mist by PIXI, which smells like the hairspray my grandma dug up from the back corner of the downstairs bathroom when I needed something to keep my bun in place before my first and final Highland Dance competition. I may have come in last, but my hair did not move after several sprays of rose and alcohol scented cement.

Instead of lipstick, my eyeshadow now matches my mask, and even though there's only lip balm and lotion under it, I still feel like my signature combination of androgynous Rockstar and Librarian of a haunted Library.

My must-have lipstick is F*cking Fabulous by Tom Ford. Grossly expensive, but I can make one tube last a year and it doesn't dry out my lips.

A couple of months ago, as I was forlornly looking at all the lipstick that I haven't worn in months, I realized, in an epiphany, that would involve angels singing if my life was a cartoon or a sitcom from the 90s, that I could wear whatever I want. Yes, lipstick and a facemask are messy, plus they stain.

But when I'm at home moping about in leggings and an oversized t-shirt from the men's section at Winners, I can wear red lipstick.

So here I am, 3 pm on a Tuesday, I haven't even bothered to put leggings on, my (also from the men's section at Winners) too big and too long PJ pants acting as both pants and slippers, no bra and a tank top, lounging under my weighted blanket, hair spiked up, eyes blended and lipstick on. Drinking a cup of tea and staining the edge.

Society makes fun of the woman who wears makeup all the time, judging them, calling them insecure or vein for wearing it in the house, or on a camping trip, or whenever they feel like it.

Screw society, my makeup is monochrome, my life is monotone, and I'm still eating way too many pringles, now they're tinged red at the sides as I shove them into my mouth whole.

My holy grail is a lipstick that lasts all day without drying your lips out and eyeshadow to match, alone and feeling relieved no one is around for whenever I have lipstick on my teeth.