My Hair Deserves Some Much-needed TLC, and Honestly, So Do I

It’s time I decided last night, during my everyday insomniac late-night special. I cannot drift through life anymore.

I don’t know what I am going through, and the only visible evidence of my problems is intense procrastination.

This year would be different, I said, and yet a half of it has gone by in the blink of an eye. Or so I would like to believe.

My hair is my best physical feature. I style it naturally, and in contrast to the rest of my body have always been in love with its hues, curves, and texture.

I don’t care for it too much, but the six-monthly haircuts and mini spas have been a much-coveted ritual for as long as I can remember.

My new hair would feel like fresh-cut grass, and I would caress it endlessly on the cab ride home. I would also order a McDonald’s meal, but that’s a story for another day.

Last year when my country was on lockdown, I gave myself a haircut. I’ve done trims before and thus felt relatively confident about the task.

I didn’t want to watch a tutorial and end up with a disastrous failure, as that would be a horrible experience to go through. No, I could not wait for a few months for it to grow back. I would mourn my loss every single day.

I would give my skills a B minus, which in my world is an F.

I tried too much, aimed too high, and ended up with a not-so-desirable result. But it was one I could live with. I told myself, is this the most essential thing in life right now? — No, move on.

For a while, I had to let it grow out of its sharply cut edges.

Soon it went back to its shiny, bouncy being, but I ignored it still. I hardly ever touched it or stopped in front of the mirror to appreciate it.

It was as if it didn’t matter anymore — or as if I didn’t matter.

Then came the split ends. They were followed by a coarse texture, flattening of volume at the top, and a leggy appearance. It tangled too often, needed more upkeep, and agitated me when I tried to sleep at night.

I’ve been due for another cut, or this time maybe just a sizeable trim for three months now, and I can’t seem to get around to it. My country is in another lockdown, and even before that, I wouldn't risk going to a salon.

My Pandemic Anniversary was weird, consisting mainly of listlessness. Then came the worst case of Déjà vu when the situation outside worsened far more than last year. It was back with a vengeance.

Earlier in the year, I planned to motivate myself to cut my hair for a potential trip in early July. I was going on a Staycation in the same city I live in, as anywhere else would be too risky and scary.

I had wanted to cut my hair in April, to give it a chance of growing back to its happy state, and shop for clothes other than pajamas in June.

Now that this reason doesn’t exist anymore, I have zero motivation to do something for myself.

I don’t have a robust or even visible reason for it; I just don’t have much energy. Any task that can be postponed is being delayed, and taking it one day at a time has transformed itself into being half-asleep while dragging myself through life.

I have already made realistic resolutions earlier this year which didn’t pan out, so I absolutely don’t know what to do right now.

What can I do that works?

What could fix this numbing- mildly anxious- tired- low phase?

As I don’t have the answers to both bigger and smaller questions in my life, I can think of only an actionable item that’s right in front of me.

I can cut my hair.

So this Thursday, I am finally going to do it. I will set aside the whole day if I have to, watch a few tutorials saved over the last year, get out my specially bought scissors and comb, and carefully, patiently trim my hair.

I will invest my energy in taking care of it, without thinking about whether this was the best way to spend the day or if my work is suffering or maybe I am the only one who sucks at this.

I am not going to procrastinate anymore. I won’t let my unnamed problems take over and face the day with courage, determination, and love.

Because my hair deserves some time, care, and attention, and so do I.