Love is deep understanding and acceptance (thought-provoking)

Rogers, the master of psychology, said: "Love is deep understanding and acceptance."

When I saw this sentence, a picture from many years ago jumped in front of me:

At that time, in the park, a mother came over with her crying daughter and sat on the bench next to me. The mother did not persuade the child, but held the child silently and let the child cry. When the child was a little better and sobbed slowly, the mother said to her child, "Mom guessed that you wanted to eat strawberries just now, but XX didn't give it to you, so you were sad, didn't you?" the child was silent and just nodded.

"do you feel better now?"

"No."

Wow, the baby cried again.

Mother said, "I know you are upset." It's all right. You cry. Mom is with you. Let me know when you feel better. "

The child cried for a long time, and after the child was emotionally stable, I learned from the conversation between mother and daughter that the child ate the strawberries brought to his baby by an old man and wanted to eat them, but he was refused by another baby, so he cried. The mother and the child agreed to buy strawberries together when the child calmed down.

Although it is a very small thing, but the child's last self-confidence and happiness, is very unforgettable.

Throughout the process, the mother is just a quiet companion, silent understanding and acceptance. She has no conciliatory words, nor does she offer any "help".

There is no immediate "solution" like many mothers-to comfort their daughter by buying strawberries, or, like many fathers, to use all available space: "be brave and don't cry over such a trifle." All she does is let the child lean against her and cry, providing an environment for the child to vent his emotions safely.

All the attention of the mother was focused on the child, and she didn't even notice the sideways of an old man I had been watching or exercising. For her, at that moment, the emotional companionship of the child was the only thing that needed her attention. She just waited, waited with a calm and tolerant heart for the child's emotions, told the truth, and then found a solution together.

Understanding and acceptance is always high-quality love based on deep understanding and acceptance before the "solution" or "teaching".

If you can understand what a wonderful thing this mother is doing, you will already have a deeper understanding of love.

Love is not what I think you should do; love is not what I have done for you; love is not asking you to be kind to me.

Love is that I understand your state, I would like to be with you in that state; I would like to: accompany you, allow you, accept you. This kind of love can nourish a healthy soul.

When we go back to life, when we look back on our experiences, there is seldom such love in life. Think back to any moment of love in your life, whether you are the giver or the recipient, ask yourself carefully:

What you call love:

Is there a condition, or some expectation in it?

In this life, have you ever paid:

Contains deep understanding and acceptance

Totally inclusive love

Like the mother.

Silently nourishing other people's hearts.

As adults, we have never loved like this, and what is more, we are not aware of the fact that, as adults, we have never given ourselves such love.

Let's talk about dealing with emotions, which we often encounter, and how we do it when we have emotions.

Like this mother, do you want to be your own mother for once, giving that emotional person a safe space to let emotions flow freely until they disappear?

For many of us, when emotions come:

Or choose to escape habitually, avoid it by playing games or being obsessed with TV dramas, instead of facing it.

Or choose to fight it in another way that hurts yourself, such as raising your glass and getting drunk when you are sad.

Others will choose to vent to close people when they are angry, using others as trash cans to vent their emotions.

Do these ways look familiar? have you ever done these seemingly common ways? in fact, they have no effect on solving the real problem. Instead, it becomes a negative cycle.

Have you ever given yourself a safe space to face problems and deal with emotions and heal your heart seriously?

These rude and useless ways will cause our true emotions to accumulate somewhere in the body, and over time, it will become materialized into a so-called physical disease.

If we think carefully about our own emotional state, we will find that emotions, like waves on the sea, will come and go. This is how energy flows.

Someone who really knows how to love.

Not only can it give others deep understanding and acceptance.

I won't be stingy with this kind of love to myself.

In the face of their children's emotions, the best part that parents can do is to give their children enough time to release these emotions by themselves, and the way of release is chosen by the child.

As long as it is safe, it is allowed to cry, hit sandbags, yell in the open, dance, hug your parents silently, or lie there doing nothing but feeling emotions. parents just have to be with them now, no judgment, just patient company.

Face your emotions as an adult

The best way is:

Not judged or suppressed.

Accompany your emotional self.

First of all, understand your emotions

Will come and go.

Let go of control and accept your emotions.

In addition to using the above child's emotional security treatment, you can also try a method of Vipassana:

The next time you are particularly sad, or very depressed, or angry, or even happy, sit down, close your eyes, feel your body, and find out where that emotion is in your body.

Some people may feel that there is a ball of fire here in the chest, or a burning heat in the abdomen, it doesn't matter, accept what is happening, understand the way emotions flow, and say softly to that part:

I see you, I accept you, thank you, I love you-and then, all of a sudden, you will find that that emotion is slowly gone.

For the first time, you will begin to understand your physical state, accept your emotional state, learn to give yourself a true love, love the body that will accompany you for life, and love the energy flow that will come and go.

Only when we learn to nourish ourselves with love first will we really use love to nourish the people we love.

Love yourself, my dear friend. I hope you can really love yourself, have the ability to love, have a soft heart, and then love others, illuminate your own life, but also illuminate the lives of others!