It Grows Back

It Grows Back ...if you care for it

I awoke groggy. I should have gotten plenty of sleep, but as usual, my tummy rumbled and grumbled until I awoke. It was 3a.m and as always I rolled out of bed, headed for the toilet, and tried so hard not to pick up my phone. Just as I got back to bed and really got comfortable, the rumbles started again. Fuck! Is all I could think as I once again rolled out of bed and made my way for the restroom. This time, I grabbed my phone because I just knew I'd be up. There's a popular beauty influencer Brad Mondo who's videos I absolutely love to watch. So as I'm scrolling my timeline I come across his video and of course click play. He's doing a video montage of women who took shears to strands and did a big chop of their long flowing locs. Some, completely shaving it all together.

I'm watching this video and it had me once again thinking of my own hair journey. My first Big Chop and the fears I had to overcome of no longer being beautiful with a buzz cut. I rocked tf out of it though, despite the fact the barber completely screwed my lineup. My damn hairline looked like the outer rim of a bowl. It was all bad, but I gave my hair love and the right kind of attention….and it grew back. Every time I've cut it or fried it….it grew back! I stayed in the bathroom looking at the current state of my hair feeling miserable. I had been wanting to grow my hair back out from a mohawk for some time. I've been wanting to do a chop for some time, because I knew cutting it all off and starting from scratch would make me happier and my hair healthier in the long run.

Several months worth of relaxers to straighten the sides which had been growing back, and Demi-Permanent hair dyes to cover grey had my hair feeling weak and dry. It always looked good and healthy when I actually took the time to do it. However, I got to the point where I was tired and unhappy with my hair overall. It killed me to relax it, but I can just remember all the discussions I had in the past with my man about cutting my hair. He wasn't for it. He didn't want it in any way. And in that instance, with that thought my mental radio tuned me to India Aries 'I Am Not My Hair.' I knew what I had to do.

Fast forward.

Time to drop the man off at work. He can always tell when I'm overthinking because I get eerily quiet. I was driving down I-30 wondering if I should tell him I'm going to cut my hair, or if I should spring it on him? I chose the first option and just explained how I felt. And made it very clear that it was happening so he needed to brace himself. "Do what's going to make you happy. Do what you feel you need to and just try to do it yourself. You can do it yourself." Those words are the reason why after I dropped him off, I went to my local beauty supply. Grabbed some hair dye and bleach, and went home to complete my mission with twice the amount of confidence I had before.

I used a 2 guard (which was actually lower than what I wanted,) and I cut it off. I had already transformed my Mohawk into a kinda shaved head with a massive bang look. I was trying to cut all of my hair even the length of my current new growth. Which meant, instead of a low cut, I'd have a super mini fro. I accepted things and followed up with some BW2 powder and 30vol developer and lifted my hair to about a 7. It was very very very very yellow, but that was ok. Because I went over that a semi-permanent (so I could easily change colors later,) and used Adore in the shade 113 African Violet.

Let's just say, after I used my mix of pink lotion, blue magic, and EcoStyler; you couldn't tell me I wasn't the shit. It was beautiful and sexy and I couldn't wait to show my man. He knew I had cut it, the dye was a surprise. And he loved it too. This day helped me to remember that no matter what, I need to do what I need for me to be ok. That those who truly matter, truly love me, truly support me; may object to the way I need things to be. But will be understanding and still encourage me to live my best life and do what's best for me. As long as I'm not harming myself or others of course. As I used a soft bristle brush and wrapped my satin scarf around my head later that night, I smiled. I was overwhelmed with joy and had a very peaceful night's sleep. The journey begins...