Who decided we all hate Nickelback?

Few names inspire canned sneers and derisive laughter more than “Nickelback.” Nobody knows exactly why, but we all know one thing for certain: we all hate Nickelback. Admitting to liking even one song is a hallmark of horrible taste. There’s no reasoning behind it; everyone just knows they’re supposed to respond to any mention of the long-running band by typing “lol Nickelback sux.” We might as well require a George Orwell-style “Two Minutes Hate” ritual. But me, I’m not playing along.

Nickelback hit it big when I was in high school, with their first hit “How you Remind Me” debuting around my 16th birthday in 2001. They got even bigger my senior year. I think every Millennial can still instinctively recite lyrics about paperback novels.

I moved from Ohio to Texas at age 16, after 9/11 upended my dad’s career in the oil and gas industry. Listening to the “right” music was the least of my concerns — country was big in Texas, and I wanted no part of it until I went to college, when I realized country is actually right up my alley. But it’s a good thing I didn’t care about listening to the “right” music anyhow — never did, never will. Neither did my new friends.

My best friend in high school and I were on the school newspaper together, but didn’t interact much the first year. During our first one-on-one conversation, she asked, “Want to go walk around Wal-Mart tonight?” Answer: yes, I love Wal-Mart. I was also a fan of the six-CD player in her Echo (this was 2003, remember) and her excellent music collection, loaded with obscure hip-hop songs, 90s slow jams, and bands that ended up hitting it big a year or two later. She found them first because she has such impeccable taste. She and another newspaper staffer wrote a column about how much Incubus sucks, how their new album was the worst ever, and the lyrics were meaningless pseudo-intellectual bullshit by people who clearly smoke too much pot. They correctly stated that the meaning of the album title, A Crow Left of the Murder, meant nothing to anyone who didn’t consult an encyclopedia first. “Murder” is a group of crows, and Incubus is to the left of the murder, and crows are symbolic for people, and…whatever, it’s pompous. Incubus sucks!

They were, however, fans of Nickelback. It was okay to like Nickelback then, until the band started attracting rabid hate from the from the artsy intellectual set by having talent and writing good rock songs.

And that’s where I believe the knee-jerk hatred of Nickelback started: never underestimate the power of intellectual jealousy to fuel these lemming-like hate campaigns. Nickelback writes good songs. They write songs you’d actually play at a party, not while you’re inhaling weed from a vaporizer and contemplating the deep meaning of the lyrics.

Seriously, readers, stop drinking the haterade over Nickelback always had a universal appeal, not an intellectual snob appeal, and write awesome lyrics that people can understand, inspiring jealousy among the Pompous People who think they are poets. She and the co-author were angrily confronted by the kids who prided themselves on being brilliant because they took AP classes, listened to shitty music, and tried to piss off their evangelical Christian classmates by talking about how abortion should be mandatory because of global warming.

In reality, what’s so great about these lyrics?

Its so much better

When everyone is in

Are you in?

Its so much better

When everyone is in

Are you in?

Oh oh

Are you in?

You oh

Are you in?

That’s Incubus’ deep insights for you. That doesn’t mean anything. I’ve seen poetry submissions to Seventeen magazine that blew these dreary downers out of the water. Could it be that if you’re left contemplating the deep meaning of mysterious lyrics, it’s because they don’t mean anything, and the person who wrote it tossed together a word salad because they have very little to say?

I know art is subjective, but in my opinion, the hallmark of good poetry — or good songwriting — is a story that makes sense. Nickelback has always done exactly that — while also putting people in a good mood. The challenge today was to name a song that makes me happy. For me, it’s this one. This song came out in May of 2010, when I had just left my first serious relationship with a highly controlling man who literally imposed curfews on me. He could cat around town all he wanted, but I couldn’t. By age 24, done with college and ready to grow up just a little, I couldn’t take it anymore. I think he was just as surprised as I was that I actually didn’t want to cat around town — I wanted my freedom, which might include staying out late or hitting a dive bar without him. Throughout that very long and difficult summer, Nickelback coming on the radio reminded me there was nothing wrong with that.

This video is so much fun. And that's where Nickelback hit an impasse: they would probably be more comfortable as a country music band than a rock band. Country lovers want to enjoy their music, while the catch-all category "rock" includes a lot of people who only listen to music to signal their intellectual bona fides. This could have easily been a Nickelback song, and it's my runner-up for "Song that Makes me Happy."

Author’s note: This article is Day 1 of a 30 day song challenge. Follow along or begin your own!