"What Do You Listen To?"

I don't usually talk about this. I've been insecure about my musical tastes. I thought that if someone was interested in my preferences, they must've had their own favorites pinned down for some time. If someone was asking me about music, they must have had extensive knowledge about their favorite bands and genres. If I said I liked the thing they like, I would be exposed as an air-head who doesn't care enough about things I claim to enjoy. I liked a lot of different things and knew very little about any of them.

Then, for a little while, I found some things I loved immensely and learned as much as I could about them. Now the problem was this: there was no way in hell I was going to explain obscure electronic arrangements of songs from deeply nerdy Japanese indie games that you can only find on YouTube, which sometimes get deleted. That's not the answer anyone's expecting when they ask, "What are you into?" I don't like that question. I've let people believe I don't even like music.

But music has its way of finding you whether you're looking for it or not. You don't need to "know things" to get emotional nourishment from a song. You don't even have to like a song for it to get stuck in your head and forever bonded to a certain memory. Also, it turns out a ton of people just "like all kinds of music" and have ever-evolving taste and are inconsistent about their favorites, and I'm not just a broken, confused freak. Who knew?

So anyway, here's "Wonderwall" a list of some music that's been meaningful to me.

Smash Mouth: "All Star"

A song that needs no introduction, "All Star" rings loud and clear through Millennial identity and early meme culture. It was everywhere when it came out. It got a lot of radio play and became inextricably linked with the iconic animated film, Shrek. A year before Shrek, I was actually already listening to "All Star" on the soundtrack for Digimon: The Movie. There's nothing that makes me feel connected to "my people" like "All Star". I don't think I've ever seen someone forget the lyrics or ask to turn it off. People have done everything imaginable to that song: chopped it up, slowed it down, covered it, re-contextualized it, and oftentimes all you need to get a laugh is play the first syllable. Remember, kids, "Only shootin' stars break the mold."

Florence + The Machine: "Dog Days Are Over"

This isn't a song that I pull up and listen to very often. I'm probably more likely to pull up the cover that Pentatonix did on season 2 of The Sing-Off. But something about that first lyric, "Happiness hit her like a train on a track," dragged it to the front of my mind on a significant day of my life. I was walking through downtown Milwaukee on a cool day, and I'd just told my therapist that I'd broken up with my boyfriend. Six years is a long time. When I mention something about my ex on Discord, my friend Zath simply responds, "way too long." Inside all of that time you don't recognize that you're not happy. You think you can be happy within the hurricane if you can just find the eye. And then suddenly it was behind me, and my brain started blasting "the dog days are over, the dog days are done."

Sixpence None the Richer: "There She Goes" (and other songs that make me feel very bisexual)

Sometime in the 2000's there was a commercial for either a hair care brand or a skin care brand that featured "There She Goes" covered by Sixpence None the Richer. I can't find it at the moment; Google only tells me the song was used in ads for birth control, which is awesome. All I remember was that it featured sunflowers and a pretty lady. I loved hearing that commercial, because even way back then I understood, "that's how I feel when I have a crush on a girl." Heaven bless all the female vocalists who perform songs about loving women (except Katy Perry). Even beyond that, some songs just resonate with me on this airy, happy, feminine vibe, and end up on the same playlist. Other songs in this category include:

• Joan Jett & the Blackhearts: "Crimson and Clover" (I've seen it performed live! aaaa!)
• t.A.T.u: "Я сошла с ума"/"All the Things She Said"
• Sophie B. Hawkins: "As I Lay Me Down"
• Dolly Parton: "Jolene" (and every single cover, especially Mindy Smith's)
• Jordyn Shellhart: "Amelia" (this is new, and very different, it's actually a song about an abusive relationship, but sung by a woman, to a woman, and I am absolutely here for it.)

Porter Robinson: "Goodbye To a World"

Okay, so that's been a list of songs that stand out in the big picture of my life, but what do I listen to now? Things that are sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, lots of artificial sounds and lots of raw emotion. (And sometimes just remixes of pop songs. Taylor Swift is good but she's even better with a dance beat.) I stumbled upon "Goodbye To a World" through a collaborative animation project produced by fans of the game Undertale. When I followed the thread back to Porter Robinson, I suddenly had a name to plug into Pandora and say "show me more music like this".

ZYTOKINE: "disharmonized love"

Hey, I teased "obscure electronic arrangements of songs from deeply nerdy Japanese indie games that you can only find on YouTube," right? This is my favorite. I will not explain further.

And now that I've written it down, I've got something to send to people when they ask me what music I like. I still feel like this list barely scratches the surface but it's better than letting people think I hate music. This has been a difficult exercise but it's an important one. Thanks for taking the time to scroll through.