"What do the waves have to say now?"

It's 2009 and my grandfather died. We all knew it was coming, but that knowledge could not prepare us for that sinking feeling of losing someone you love. I run on auto pilot for the next few months. I am disconnected from my mind and body. Reality mixes with dreams. Everything is a blur. Time loses all meaning. This is not the first time I dissociated (and it certainly wouldn't be the last), but it feels like it lasts forever.

Music continues to be my sole savoir. It soothes me. Interpol has been my favorite band for a long while, and their music helped me navigate a lot of my loneliness and depression during (and long after) my teenage years. It is still 2009 and I am listening to their album, "Our Love To Admire", on repeat. The last song sticks with me. The Lighthouse. The lyrics at face value seem to paint a picture of a lighthouse embracing a storm. The tone is haunting. The ending brings me comfort. The lighthouse in the story beams through the harshness of a storm and hopelessness. Somehow I knew that these feelings wouldn't last forever, that everything will be okay.

It is now 2014 and I am on a beach at dusk. Life has been throwing curve balls at me, curve balls that I barely dodge. I need to escape. I need to escape the anxieties and the sadness that consume me. My friends and I lay in the sand, watching the skyline blend with the ocean, until the two become almost indistinguishable. A lighthouse beams in the distance and soon turns into the only light source on the horizon. I am reminded of The Lighthouse. It starts to play in my head. I softly sing along. "What do the waves have to say now?" All of my problems seem so miniscule in the scheme of the universe. The darkness encapsulates us, but I feel safe. For the first time in a long while, I feel hope.

It is 2016 and I feel trapped and afraid. Unbeknown to me, it is two weeks before I move out of the apartment I shared with my abusive ex boyfriend. At the moment I am distraught. I don't go home; I can't go home. Instead I walk by the waterfront of one of my favorite parks. I see a snail. Snail's grow with their home, their home protects them. Their home travels with them. "What do the waves have to say now?" I sing to it, letting it go on it's way. I walk closer to the water, along the sea wall now. The water is calm. The night is quiet. And once again I find comfort in a song almost ten years old. The Lighthouse. I know that even though I feel as though I'm sinking, everything will turn out okay. These feelings will eventually fade away and I will escape.

It is now 2020 and I walk on the beach before sunset. I watch the tide move along the sand. I hum "The Lighthouse". Lighthouses are symbols of perseverance, especially through the storms. They serve as navigation devices and protect sailors from any unseen dangers. I am not sure if that's the meaning that Interpol was going for when they wrote the song back in 2007, but that's what it's always meant to me; in times of great struggle, when everything seems hopeless, when I feel like I'm drowning, there is always a beacon of hope, even in the far distance. Interpol has always been one of my favorite bands, and this song has had a tendency to find me when I need it.