Welcome to the Black Parade

To prepare for this playlist journey back into when I would only wear black and eyeliner was my armor I decided to listen to these albums completely through to get back into what I was feeling at the time. Depending on your mood you can listen to it straight forward and go on the journey with me though I would suggest hitting that shuffle button.

When I was a teenager everything felt like the end of the world. I had thought I was the only one that understood what was really going on and honestly I miss that conviction.

I feel like being creative and a free-thinker was easier then because I was doing it for the first time in my life.

What I don't miss was feeling entirely alone and misunderstood. Like most teenagers, I found it difficult to have a real connection with the people around me.

Music was one of my escapes from those overwhelming feelings. It is a story as old as time, but for me I was on my own in that journey. These are songs that inspired me to write, pushed me to cry out all the maelstrom of emotions I was keeping locked inside, they were the voices in my ear that told me there would be another day to do better.

Despite there being plenty of incredible non-angsty songs from these artists I had to put all of that aside to get to the heart of the matter.

Link to playlist here: link.

The first album I ever bought with my own money was Muse's Absolution. Though every single song on this album was an absolute banger I put in the ones that pulled emotion out of me like a magnet. I would sit with my CD player and big boxy headphones on incredibly long drives and just play these songs over and over.

I'd stare out the window and imagine feeling that kind of electric lust that "Time is Running Out" evoked or drum along with my fingers to the beginning winding intro to "Hysteria". It also did not hurt that the lead singer of Muse, Matt Bellamy, looked like some sort of elvish prince to me and I had a huge crush on him and his spine-tingling voice.

What I would still give to see this band live in concert! They continue to churn out banger after banger so maybe once COVID stops ruining all our lives I will get the chance.

Want to take a wild guess at what was the second album I bought with my own money? Linkin Park's Meteora is one of the band's best known albums. They were an interesting band that mixed rap and rock in a way most bands wouldn't even dream of before they came along. Okay, that is clearly a megafan's perspective but to me they introduced that style of music and I certainly felt like a badass listening to them.

They were the kind of band people made fun of for being so emotionally explosive. That was why so many teenagers felt seen and heard by this band though. I included songs from other albums mostly because this band was never a disappointment. The tragedy of the loss of their lead singer, Chester Bennington, stands as a sobering reminder that these lyrics were real and heartfelt because this person was fighting depression.

His story is forever immortalized in music that reached plenty of young and hurting people, myself included.

I have included Dir En Grey in this playlist because, yes, I was a J-rocker in my youth. I mean, obviously, I don't know what about my general taste in music would not lead to a phase in my life that has only been made cool now with the rise of K-Pop.

I was not a casual fan either. I went to one of their rare USA concert.

What I remember most about that concert is actually coming out to my very gay friend that graciously came to the concert with me (he had no idea what I was getting him into) that I was bisexual.

I also screamed that I loved the lead singer in a very silent moment and completely threw him off his groove. It was the highlight of my teenage concert experience.

An artist that helped me come to my senses about how bisexual I was and always had been was Brody Dalle. She was the lead singer of a band called The Distillers who looked like the cross between the world's most American vampire and someone that would rob me at a liquor store.

Something I have been doing and still do when I feel pent up is write out song lyrics. I had an entire band in my head and as one does I put different aspects of my life and what I wanted my future to be into those lyrics. I was convinced I was the next Bernie Taupin and I just needed to find my Elton John.

One of the bands that always provided inspiration with their whimsical way of seeing the world was The Killers. I wrote stories based on the music they made. My characters came together because this band's lyrics made me feel like I could finally see and understand them. I liked that they seemed like completely different people coming together to make music.

A few bands that I loved and no one else knew because they weren't very famous outside of the area I grw up in were Juniper Lane and Hotspur. I got to see them both live and just completely fell in love with their vibe. You know how much teenagers love to feel like they discovered something no one else has ever known. Well, I certainly felt like that when I would introduce people to these two artists.

There is probably no better known emo band than My Chemical Romance. They created the vibe with their make-up, clothes and creative hairstyles. There was nothing pretending to be something it wasn't with this band. They certainly had a 'give no fucks' attitude about how other people would make fun of their aesthetic. What no one ever had an issue with however was their music. Gerard Way was not the world's best singer but he was one of the most gut-wrenching impressive ones of the age.

Welcome to the Black Parade was not only an anthem for a generation its one that when played now you still know every lyric to. Which is a feat really since the lyrics to this song are bonkers.

This song gives me the same feeling Bohemian Rhapsody does and that is not a compliment given lightly.

It obviously served as title to this playlist because it encompasses everything about this time in my life that still resides in me now.

There is probably no band that better captures me in my teenage years though quite like Evanescence. Obviously I was in love with their lead singer, who wasn't, but their music really touched me. It was a mix of something I had not heard much of back then, an operatic voice and rock music, and their steam punk gothic look always spoke to me. I spent my days trying to straighten my hair and paint my eyes like Amy Lee.

Fallen was a fantastic album and though the band, much like My Chemical Romance, is remembered best for the parodies of their great music I can't say I am ashamed for having loved them.

A band that has only gotten better with time, and I will die on this hill, is OneRepublic.

They were a band whose songs I loved, whose albums I bought, but much like Coldplay and Maroon 5 I never thought of them as a favorite band. Yet among those forementioned bands they are the one I still listen to the most.

They were excellent songwriters and though I will say their lead singer, Ryan Tedder, was clearly a talented individual I feel like they never got the credit they deserved. At least not as a band, that is. They have written many hits for other artists and they may be remembered as incredible songwriters more than for their own work. It is, in the end, not a terrible legacy to leave. I am sure they are crying about it in their million dollar mansions.

The last three bands I will mention are probably the ones that most affected me in that age.

Panic! At The Disco is eternal for me. I was a sucker for their freak show aesthetic. Brendon Urie's voice is well known for being one of the most unique and versatile from that early 2000s time. The band has only gotten better and each album of theirs has told a story. This is a band I have seen perform twice and if you knew how cheap I am you'd understand what a financial sacrifice that was for me to make.

They were fantastic both times. You expect things to be old hat by the second concert but it is impossible to be in a room with that voice and not go absolutely feral. I will admit I like their modern stuff much more than their original early 2000s work but that just means that whatever's coming next from the band will only top the classics.

When someone asks me, what are two bands you think of when you think of your angsty years Matchbox Twenty and The Goo Goo Dolls come to mind immediately.

Gutterflower and Mad Season remain as two of my favorite albums of all time. Though I liked their 90s work as well, evidently since this playlist is full of work before the 2000s, those two albums had me absolutely enraptured.

When I tell you I had movies playing in my head when I would listen to these songs it does not quite capture how imaginative I could get. If I had to pick one song from each album that sent me to another dimension whenever I heard them I would have to say "Bent" from Matchbox Twenty and "Here is Gone" from the Goo Goo Dolls were the ones.

"Bent" was a song that made me think for the first time about relationships beyond the realm of romance. This is a story about the bandmates having an inner struggle, or so the internet says, but for me it always was similarly about a platonic relationship in tension.

Matchbox Twenty always had honest lyrics which is what catapulted them to fame in the first place. Yet the way the singer never put himself on a pedestal in this song, but instead was desperately begging for understanding, always appealed to me. Obviously, they worked it out and I am so grateful for it!

Though this album was full of incredible songs, "Here is Gone" captured me instantly with its first verse. The lyrics to this song are both poetic and brutally honest. Allegedly its about the lead singer's rocky relationship with an ex-wife but the video pushed for a more familial family trauma.

That is the beauty of the song. We all have someone we love, whether romantic, platonic or familial, that has made us all feel on the outside looking in on their lives.

That message touched me as a an emotional teenager and still resonates with me to this day. I hope you enjoyed my break down of a few of the artists and songs that shaped my adolescence.

As always, if you enjoyed the read please let me know with a heart!