Trust me... I'm a Doctor.

Being a doctor has given me the opportunity to carry people through some of the hardest times in their lives. For a long time, I believed that for me to be good at my job I must portray a confident, superhuman exterior and handle any challenge thrown at me, after all, nobody wants to see a weak doctor. I always thought that showing my vulnerability can be a weakness so I suppressed my true emotion to the point where I made myself numb to anything real, losing that conversation I once had with my true inner self.

Throughout my life, I have struggled to control my negative emotions. Constantly, I would feel unworthy and be held captive by my thoughts with hands tied behind my back and duct-tape across my mouth. I was silenced by my own self-criticism and fear of what people will think.

Music found me early. It carried me through the waves of the last 30 years. I was able to remotely share moments with great artists through the music they create. I would close my eyes and experience the spine-tingling guitar solos and soul-awakening drumbeats interweaved with magical melodies all conjured up within that space between my ears. This is the same space where my dreams are silenced and negativity pulls me down to drown in a dark ocean.

My guitar pulled me out of this dark ocean. It gave me a sound when there were no words to describe a feeling. The guitar shook me awake from a deep sleep. It brought me to life with a jolt of electricity as a defibrillator shocks a heart back to life.

The song that changed my life, came from me.

In my first year of medical school, living in London, I composed a track called "Take Me Away". It came from a moment when I was feeling a deep desire to escape from the overwhelming pace and noise of the big city. I went for a long walk around the city and came back to pick up my guitar and hit record. It’s funny what you hear when you really listen.

As I held the neck of my guitar and my fingers touched the fret board, my guitar held my hand telling me everything's okay and that heavy emptiness in my heart transformed into four chords. I was able to see myself as though looking in a mirror admiring the beautiful ugliness in that feeling. I saw the chords as a child crying after falling down and I comforted the music by adding piano, bass, drums and an arrangement. The more I gave to the music, the more confident I felt. I wanted to create something beautiful from that dark feeling.

After making this music, I was never the same. I was never alone. I know I always have a friend in music and a way to reveal my true sound. “Take Me Away” is a song that came from me wanting to escape my physical environment, however, I later realised I was actually feeling trapped within my own mind. The music showed this to me.

My music has helped me hear what keeps me alive and my guitar is a torch that shines a light when everything is dark. It might be a flicker from a small candle or dazzling bright headlight from an oncoming car. My music guides me and helps me understand who I am and where I want to go.

I tried to visually express this in a short film called "Once Upon a Time in London" that accompanies the original version of Take Me Away.

I believe mental illness affects us all and we must maintain our mental health in the same way we look after our physical health. We have to feed it, exercise it, monitor it and rest it. Sometimes we forget to listen but we all have our own unique inner soundtracks, just put a stethoscope to your chest and you’ll hear your own music - Lub Dub… Lub Dub.