The Soundtrack of Becoming

Songs are an interesting thing. They can make you smile, laugh, cry, get angry, strike inspiration, etc. However, one of the most amazing aspects of songs is that they can evoke forgotten memories with a few notes. There are a lot of songs that take me down memory lane, which I would like to share with all of you. 

Don’t Want to Be A Fool by Luther Vandross

I knew that I liked a couple of songs by Luther Vandross while growing up. It was my introduction to R&B. However, I found out in adulthood that there was an origin story for me with the song. My mom remembers me as a toddler waking up in the middle of the night singing the song, and then falling back to sleep. I have no recollection of this. My mom wondered if I was making a statement when singing that song. I have no idea, but my best guess is that it became such an earworm that I wanted to share it with others. 

Kiss from a Rose by Seal

This song became my whole world. It is one of the few songs that I played in continuous loops for several hours. I learned how to play the piano so that I could play the song myself. There is just something in the song that has a romantic feel to it, to the point that I wanted to experience love as the song describes. The song is now my ringtone, and I still replay the song quite frequently. I don’t believe the love for the song would ever stop. 

Crazy by Britney Spears

This song exposed me to pop music. It taught me that songs could be light and fun, and not that serious. It was nice to dance around to the beat without a care in the world. It also led me down the road to exploring the pop artists of that time, like Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, and Mandy Moore. 

Hero by Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott

I liked the song. It was not only the soundtrack for Spider-Man, one of my favorite superheroes, but it was also the beginning of superhero movies starting to get popular again. I liked that comics were beginning to be taken seriously, and I was eager to find out which other comic heroes that I like would get live-action versions. I also like the concept that the song had about heroes. Spider-Man struggled with his heroics because he wanted to be able to keep citizens safe, but also protect his friends and family members. Having great power and responsibility often weighed him down because he had to constantly make choices on helping the many versus the few. 

Dope by BTS

Dope started my descent into the never-ending world of K-Pop. BTS were different from any of the boy groups that I had seen. Not only were they cute, but they could sing and dance complicated choreography. I was mesmerized by it all. It led me to get into other groups like Got 7, Mamamoo, EXID, and Twice. It also introduced me to fandom culture. It was fun seeing people getting together to talk about their favorite group and songs and being excited for the drop of a new music video. I haven’t listened to a lot of K-pop songs since the pandemic, but I am hoping to get back into it in the future. 

Lie by Jimin (of BTS)

This song signaled the start of my dark descent with my disability. I was slowly losing the ability to do things on my own. Instead of asking for help, I tried to hide what was happening to me. I felt ashamed of needing so much help. I liked the song during that time because I felt that it best reflected my internal struggles. I realized eventually that lying about my problems wasn’t helping and sought help. I couldn’t let the dark emotions build inside me any longer. 

This is America by Childish Gambino

I have always felt like this song was ahead of its time and people weren’t ready to hear it back then. However, considering the downward spiral that is happening in America, ranging from war, violence, deportation, women’s rights, and disability rights, I feel like the song is more relevant now than ever before. It is sad to see that instead of heeding the song’s warning, we instead sat back and watched things get worse in society. I worry that there won’t be a chance to course-correct everything in the future. 

Destination by Nickel Creek

I remember continuously playing this song during the last job I had. I was mentally tired of working for a company that didn’t value my contributions and had no way of moving up in the company. I knew that I needed to move on and find something better for myself. I tried to apply at different places, but I was either overqualified or didn’t have enough qualifications. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I liked playing this song during this time in my life because it made me feel like I wasn’t alone in my struggles and had the desire to move on from my circumstances. It made me believe that one day it would happen. 

Specialz by King Gnu

I started listening to the song last year when my disability declined. The song’s dark and chaotic nature reflected how I felt during that time period. I was mad at the world for my body betraying me. I couldn’t do the things I used to do. It also didn’t help that I went through four different hospitals last year, and a lot of the time my thoughts and feelings were not being heard. Everything was a mess, and I often wondered whether things would start to normalize again. I liked listening to the song because I felt seen in the struggle that I had dealing with the chaotic mess that is my life. I learned that while you can wallow in self-pity, you can’t stay in the feeling, or you would prevent yourself from growing as a person. 

I am a big fan of all these songs because they not only referred me to other genres of music and artists, but the songs also made me feel seen. It is nice listening to a song you can relate to. It makes you feel like you are not alone in the world, and still fighting to hold on. I love that these songs will remind me of past events, and I hope that there are songs that can do the same for you.