The soft sadness

There’s a soft sort of sadness that I grew up with. It can be hard to describe to people who haven’t personally been acquainted with such sensations. It’s quiet and gentle. It wrapps it’s soft arms around you and welcomes you to cry when you need to, or just to be. Whatever you need it gladly offers without judgment. This sadness isn’t like its relatives, it won’t stand in the way of your happiness, it won’t hold onto you any longer than you need it to, its embrace is calming and warm. It is like a warm bath on aching joints and muscles.

I often struggle to regulate and vent my emotions, it’s not uncommon for me to feel very shut down. Music allows me to slip into an environment that encompases and validates whatever I’m feeling. Life regularly gets overwhelming which just furthers this disposition of mine, I get burnt out, I struggle to participate in the things which I enjoy. I struggle to connect to my emotions and deal with how I’m feeling. Depending on my environment in which I find myself I can even find it difficult to listen to music.

This challenge is good for me, it’s giving me time to sit down and curate a playlist of music I desperately need right now. It’s giving me a chance to reconnect to that soft feeling of sadness. I haven’t had the chance to stop and allow myself to feel my woe, my frustration, my agony. Nothing is insurmountable, but when I neglect my sadness things build until they are perceived as such. I have needed to cry everyday for so long I can’t even remember how long it’s been; yet I have not cried. I don’t actually know when I last cried.

So come sadness, wash over me, wipe my tears from my cheeks and brush my hair behind my ear. Comfort me and let me shed the burdens which weigh upon me and move on. Warm my skin so I can move and feel and enjoy the sun as it comes and goes. Everything is fleeting, including the circumstances in which I currently find myself.

Gorillaz: “Stop The Dams”

This song, in particular, is probably the best example I could give. Close your eyes and have a listen. Allow your body to move as it sees fit. Allow it to fill your mind and let all other thoughts fall to the side for a while. Allow yourself to cry should you need it. You don’t have to do anything for a little while, you don’t have to be anything for a little while. Just enjoy the sound of stars in the night sky and the knowledge that the sun will shine again. I can get lost in this song for hours, it holds within its bars of notes and melodies so much that I need. I’ve listened to this song on repeat and it always leaves me feeling better than I felt before. One of the few songs that I can more or less sing along to.

Ghostlight Orchestra: “Just”

Another song I could easily get lost in. This song makes me want to move my body and sprawl out. It’s hard to describe what songs mean to me, it’s a sensation that’s felt with every fiber of one’s being. Hopefully upon listening to it others will feel and understand. This is one of the beautiful things about music: non-verbal communication, even when there’s lyrics in a song, there’s so much emotion and meaning conveyed without words.

Soap&Skin: “Me and the Devil”

A lot of the meaning of songs for me is indescribable as it’s an inarticulate sensation that is felt when the song is heard. Listen to the song and let it fill you and feel whatever is to be felt.

Kandle: “Not up to me”

Like two feet planted steadily on firm ground. Allowing what is to pass to do so. Acknowledging what’s in one’s control and what’s not.

The Duke of Uke and His Novelty Orchestra: “Spider Suite”

This song is actually three parts, I believe. It’s another song that is good to move the body to. Sway and spin as you need while the melody of temptation fills the air and empties your head.

Tom Waits: “Dead and Lovely”

I often listen to Tom Waits when I need to get lost in the emotions that life doesn’t hold space for. In a world of toxic positivity where at times you’re almost shamed for any sadness or feelings of being lost Mr. Waits is a wonderful craftsman to turn to when you need to slip into a universe where it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to not know where you’re going. His music encompasses the weary traveler who misplaced themselves somewhere along the road and can’t retrace their steps and is lamenting over all things, both lost and found. The people and emotions life has no place for can be found in his music, and it’s one of the most comforting things for me.

Sallie Ford & The Sound Outside: “Thirteen Years Old”

Soft snare drum, minimalistic electric guitar and a voice calling through the music in mourning greets you through the song. The inability to cry despite the overwhelming need is something that deeply resonates with me.

Soap&Skin: “Thanatos”

I used to basically live inside this artist’s music for a while. The emotion of her work validates a lot of how I generally feel and I was able to live life to the best. Circumstances during that time were also as good as they had ever been. I still love the music, but life is not as good as it had once been.

Mount Moon: “All for Babs or the World Well Lost”

I love the tremble in this artist’s voice. I love the acoustic guitar. I love the emotion of this artist’s music.

I don’t really know what to write. Like a dumdum I only started this the day of the deadline and I only had a couple hours to curate the playlist and write the blurb about each song. I don’t think anything I have to say is terribly important in regards to each song. It’s a mood that you will either understand upon listening, or you won’t. If you don’t understand then it’s unlikely that anything I could say will help change that. I feel better after having listened to the music and indulging in the sweet, soft sadness.

I don't have the energy or time to give this the proper edit that I normally would. So hopefully at the very least y'all enjoy the music.