The Otamatone Should Be Used by Satan to Play the “Welcome to Hell” Theme Song

My husband saw a video of a guy on America’s Got Talent playing an Otamatone. I had never heard of this…thing and never knew that something so annoying could even exist in the world. So naturally, he ordered it and it arrived yesterday.

The idea is it is a “synthesizer” that is shaped like an eighth note, with the sounds emerging from the “mouth” on the notehead. (This did not register when I saw it, I happened to come across the description during my Google search). I learned a heck of a lot about something that I would probably use as a purse holder.

It is the adult equivalent of a kid’s kazoo. It raises your heart rate to the same level as Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber when he asks Jeff Daniel’s character if he wants to hear the most annoying sound in the world.

My husband is a musician and a very talented trumpet player. Over the years, I have agreed to and even bought several instruments that I later came to regret. He has a pocket trumpet, a Flugelhorn, a bugle, and a Heraldic trumpet, that I know of. He probably has others stashed at his parents’ house from his concert days.

My brother was a drummer in high school. Drummers are fun. They drum on EVERYTHING. He had drums, which are super loud, but he could make a drum out of anything.

I played the french horn in high school, badly. If you’ve ever heard a french horn, they don’t sound super magical to begin with. Add in a player who doesn’t know what they’re doing and it mimics a moose in heat.

My son watches “Unspeakable” on Youtube, very loudly. If you’ve never seen this guy, he plays video games and does stupid stunts, while yelling, a lot.

I have two dogs that bark when the wind blows. If someone were actually trying to break in, they’d probably sleep through it because they would be so tired from barking at squirrels and my front door hanger.

My point is, I am no stranger to loud, obnoxious sounds. However, this Otamatone makes me want to gouge my ears out with an icepick and then run out into traffic. I’m sorry, I’m just being dramatic. If I run out into traffic correctly, then there would be no need to gouge my ears out. Problem solved. My luck, my husband would play the damn thing at my funeral. Like a modernized, super annoying, saxophone’s illegitimate sister, set of bagpipes.

When I first saw it, it reminded me of the “Nessie” ladle that I had bought for my son’s dinosaur party when he turned one. Now I wish it were even more like the Loch Ness Monster, as in people have claimed to see it, but it really doesn’t exist.

I’ve seen Amazon reviews that insist that you must get the Otamatone Deluxe for a much smoother sound. I mean, who would want the standard anyway? Peasant.

Did I mention that you can get your Otamatone it’s very own fashion accessories? You can 3D print fun things like a crown, Dracula teeth, or bat wings. I’m sure if my husband reads this article, he will begin his quest to get a 3D printer. Poop in one hand and want in the other and see which one gets full faster there buddy.

There is also a jumbo version if you happen to prefer that kind of thing. I’m sure it is twice as irritating.

If you want an idea of why you would want to spend a lot of time learning and mastering the art of Otamatone-ing, see below. There’s no description, because I honestly don’t have the words to make that happen.

If this clip rocked your socks, and you’d like to become a professional Otomatoner, just let me know. There is a good possibility that this “instrument” at my house may accidentally “go missing”. Send me your address, I’ll even pay for shipping.