The Instant Zen of White Noise

"Noise creates illusions. Silence brings the truth." Maxime Legace

I'm not adverse to birdsong, or the sound of waves gently lapping on the shore. To be perfectly frank, I find such noises beautiful.

However, far from relaxing me, such things tend to stimulate me, evoking a curiosity that I find hard to ignore.

No sooner do I hear a bird warbling than I'm asking myself what specific bird is it making that call? And where are they indigenous to?

If I hear a wave crashing, then I picture the beach where this occurred. Then I imagine myself there. Then I consider how I got there - was it a short car journey, or an intercontinental flight? And why am I there? A holiday or has business taken me there? And then...

Music is even worse. If I do find a track that I can - nominally - relax to, within a minute of the song starting I'm wondering what year it was recorded, or where was it produced, or what was happening in the lives of the artistes who laid the track down, or why did...?

On and on and on.

Before I know it, my brain is working a million times harder than it had been before I begun listening. It might be a good way to generate ideas, but it's counter-productive if I'm trying to chill out.

Which, as someone with anxiety, is something I have to regularly force myself to do. Attempting to quiet my incessantly buzzing and anxious brain is part and parcel of my everyday life. For, anxiety is rarely silent. In fact, it never shuts up. One of my daily battles to try and make it less noisy.

Additionally, my anxiety can make it difficult to remain focused on certain tasks, specifically writing.

Even when trying to compose a story, I ruminate, and battle unwanted thoughts. I might, consciously, be attempting to fashion an erotic encounter between two strangers, but, in my mind, I'm replaying the last conversation I had with my mother in which she told me I was a disappointment to her. And my anxiety just loves such fertile material.

Sadly, I gave up trying to listen anything whilst writing; it either became too distracting, or it fueled my anxiety. I'd just have to make to with 'real' ambient background noise, which - as I live in a big city - is a continual, low-pitched hum.

Then I discovered white noise.

Quietening the World. And the Mind

After a conversation with a friend, in which I had explained my struggles to concentrate, they sent me a YouTube link; it was simply entitled, 'White Noise: 3 Hours.'

They explained that they had once the same problem, but, after a tutor at their university had expounded the benefits of studying to white noise, my friend had become a convert. They had taken on a Masters whilst also trying to juggle full-time work, and childcare; white noise had enabled them to carve out small, uninterrupted blocks of time, without which they would not have had the head-space to complete their studies. They were indebted to white noise, and believed it could assist me in the same way it had aided them.

Although I was skeptical it would be able to help me in the same way, I also trusted my friend. So, I fired up YouTube, and listened.

My first response? Nothing. Not really. To my ears, it was just another low-pitched hum. Bland, anonymous. To be honest, it was all a bit underwhelming.

However, at the beginning of 2021, I'd made a promise to myself to try 'new things' - my anxiety wasn't exactly running rampant, but it had become relatively quarrelsome. It was time to not only experiment with different coping strategies, but to stick with them. One of my biggest weaknesses is giving up on something if it doesn't give me instant results; I now had to learn to persevere, to not expect a quick fix.

So, I listened to the whole 3 hour track.

As I did, I also wrote, developing an idea I'd been thinking about for some time, but had never had the inclination to actually write. I write erotica, and my stats are respectable. However, I wanted to write about the year I'd spent submitting those stories to Vocal. I'd learnt a lot in that time, and it had made me a better writer. I wanted to explore 'how' this process had improved me.

I primarily did this for me, to codify my experiences. However, it was also the kind of piece that, as a reader, I would probably enjoy; after all, writers love reading about writing: We probably spend more time reading about writing than actually writing.

I assumed, therefore, that others might find it interesting as well. Although I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to write about, the benefits of at least trying to compose this piece made it a worthwhile endeavor.

As it turned out, I finished the first draft in two hours.

The First Draft of Anything is S**t... Sometimes

It was a good draft. Probably the best first draft I'd ever completed.

Ernest Hemingway famously said that the first draft of anything is always s**t; my previous attempts has always proved this adage utterly true. But, this draft wasn't. It wasn't going to win the Pulitzer, but it didn't completely suck. In fact, it probably contained some of the best writing I'd ever done.

Like sportsmen, writers can be superstitious. We like our routines. So, the next day, I listened to the same three hour track of white noise whilst I tackled the second draft. I wasn't fully aware of it whilst working, but I remained focused. Instead of my brain wondering what we were going to have for dinner, or replaying a conversation I'd had with a former partner ten years ago, my mind was fully engaged on the piece in front of me.

Again, the same result - the writing was good. In fact, I was happy with the piece as it was. It was done.

Whatever physiological alchemy the white noise was purveying, it was working.

I submitted the piece and it became my first Top Story.

Granted, there are a million and one variables in whether one of your pieces receives this accolade or not. But, as most of those are beyond my control, they're really not worth thinking about. All I could consider is my own part in that process.

And a key part of that seemed to be that I'd been able to produce an article I was incredibly proud of because of the relative ease I was able to shut out the outside world, and quieten my noisy, anxious mind, and pour myself into the act of writing.

I'd felt calm, centered, and able to focus on the task at hand without being distracted.

And I was only able to do all that because of the white noise.

A Multi-purpose Sound

I started to listen to white noise at other times of the day, and experiment with different pieces.

Just as it is for everyone, sleep plays a key part in my emotional well-being. However, anxiety means that actually falling asleep is difficult. Feeling tired, my brain would ask me? Let's replay all of your most embarrassing moments in glorious technicolor!

I'd changed my nighttime routine a lot, and had become an advocate for good sleep hygiene, so there were many factors in play here. But, white noise was the element that finally tipped the scales in my favor. I'd have it playing whilst I lay in bed; the next thing I knew, it was morning.

I'd listen to it on my way to work, especially if I knew I'd be dealing with a tricky client, or I'd play it before having to telephone the bank to ask for an extension to my overdraft - I was blanketed in calm: An instant dose of Zen.

It was working - unquestionably it was working. The big question was now 'why?' What exactly is white noise?

A Carefully Arranged Cacophony

The biggest misconception about white noise is that it's an absence of sound. It's not. The opposite is actually true: White noise is a lot of different sounds.

It is a combination of low-, medium-, and high-frequency sounds played together. 'Frequency' means how fast each of the component sound waves vibrate per second; 'Amplitude' refers to the size of the waves. The relationship between the frequency and amplitude of a sound wave is used to define different 'colors' (which share structural properties with corresponding light waves of the same name).

To create white noise, every frequency the human ear can hear is played in a random order at the same amplitude, producing an elongated 'shh' sound. Just as white light is composed of every visible wavelength on the color spectrum, white noise consists of every audible frequency. The effect is a consistent blanket of sound, masking the ambient environment.

And the consistency is key. It's not 'loud' noises, such as a car honking its horn, that are disruptive; it's the sudden change in sound consistency from 'soft' to 'hard' that gets your ear's (and mind's) attention. White noise creates a consistent aural landscape where these inconsistencies are masked, or even fully blocked.

White noise has already been proven to aid children's concentration in the classroom, and hospital patients when trying to sleep. Or, in my case, dampen my anxiety, and allow me to focus.

The beauty of it is, that as long as the piece is the correct frequency, and it is indeed technically 'white noise', it doesn't really matter what specific piece you're listening to. Any 'good' piece of white noise will do. It's simply about picking the right ones for you.

As our sense of hearing varies from person to person, and as the ambient noises we're trying to block out also vary from person to person, there will be some trial and error as you build your own playlist.

For example, my hearing has got worse as I've grown older, and I live in a busy city; it stands to reason that I'm going to need to listen to pieces of a slightly different frequency than someone who is twenty years younger, and has perfect hearing, and who lives in the countryside where there is not just less ambient noise to block out, but also a different kind of ambient noise. These variables are minuscule, but they still exist. When you factor in such variables, what works for me, simply might not for you.

There's also the added issue of what task you're using white noise for. If you're trying to write, and need to drown out the external world, then you might need to use a subtly different piece than when you are trying to center yourself in readiness for meditation, or using it to calm yourself before sleeping.

YouTube is a treasure trove of white noise, but you do have to be careful; much of what is pertaining to be white noise isn't anything of the sort. They might be tracks that are pleasant to listen to, but may not actually aid concentration and focus, or foster a sense of calm. There does not appear to be a very rigorous classifying of what constitutes white noise on the platform; simply saying your track is white noise seems to suffice. However, it's a very good starting point as you begin your journey.

Nowadays, I tend not to use YouTube: I make my own white noise.

The Creator

Yes - you read that correctly: I make my own.

One of the beauties of the technological age we find ourselves in, is that we are simply able to do things that previously we could not. In the past, I would have needed to be a Sound Therapist to even consider making my own white noise; today I can do this with an app.

I use a white noise generator provided by White Noise & Co.

It's essentially a mixing desk, which allows you to vary the levels of all the required frequencies. I'm not going to lie, it's not easy to initially navigate your way around this; being a Luddite, it took me hours of experimentation to create a track that even sounded pleasant.

However, with a bit of practice it can be done. It was also fun to play around with all the various sounds; for a brief time, I'm indulging in my teenage fantasy of being a DJ - the wish fulfillment is joyous, but the creative element is an added therapeutic bonus. Creating a playlist is always enjoyable; it's even more so when it's one consisting of tracks you've created.

They're all unique to me, and each one takes into account the ambient noises specific to my environment, and the fact that I also have anxiety and need to accentuate certain frequencies. It's taken me a huge amount of time to create each one, but it was time well invested. It's also been a huge amount of fun - my playlists are truly ones of my own making.

I can't recommend this highly enough.

There are many, many reasons why I'm writing more consistently, sleeping better, am more motivated, and why I've been able to quell my anxiety more effectively. However, white noise has been central to them all.

White noise: Never did something so bland, so anonymous, have the power to be so profound.

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