The Anti-Love Song: Is That All There Is To A Fire?

So what is an anti-love song?

I'll tell you that most breakup songs don't cut it. Songs about assholes cheating don't cut it. Even Betty Davis's "Anti-Love Song" doesn't qualify in my book: the song is about a man who is so attractive--Cause I know you could possess my body--that she avoids him for fear of falling too hard.

Such songs usually still believe in love, even when one lover has left or is to be avoided. But a real anti-love song has an entirely different ethos: these are songs that through their lyrics and tone attack love (and the love song), reveal its ugly side, and ultimately reject it. This isn't some playing-hard-to-get shtick for the musicians gathered here: for one reason or another love is dead, and these songs are proof.

So, if you're looking for a distraction, you've come to the wrong list. But if you’re looking to get pissed off at the love industrial complex that prizes romantic love over every other meaningful connection and project in life, I’ve got you, cutie. These songs are about love that isn’t worth it, love that is evil or dangerous or sick or just plain boring.

1. “The Quiet Thing That No One Ever Knows” by Brand New

To start things off good and tough, Brand New rocks out with this kick-ass anti-love anthem:

So keep your blood in your head

keep your feet on the ground.

If today's the day it gets tired,

today's the day we drop out.

Love gets hard? Something goes wrong? Ditch it. Don’t fall, don't get carried away: keep your feet on the ground.

And then, at the end:


I long for

only you.

And I

lie well.

Hallelu(jah)


I 
lie 
for

only you.

And I

lie well.

Hallelu(jah)


These lines are an inversion of the cliched sentiments of the romantic canon: I love only you, you're the one that I love, I'll never lie to you, etc. "You" might be the only one he lies for, which is something, but it's not love. This is cold and inherently untrustworthy profession of affection doesn’t leave any room for anything real, and in fact, celebrates (hallelujah) such lovelessness as a path to the kind of gritty, sad freedom that accompanies a life of touring from one town to another.

2. “No Children” by The Mountain Goats

This is one of the best anti-love songs ever written. The melody is pleasant, almost comforting—too much so. This isn't a sad ode because that requires feeling, and feeling is always a path to meaning and hope. No such feeling or hope exists here. This is the tune of a lost, numb, soulless man stuck moving forward without any desire to live another single day on account of his torturous relationship. And it’s funny. This song can make you laugh about misery without even once pretending that things will improve or that the future holds prospects for future romantic bliss.

I hope that our few remaining friends

give up on trying to save us.

I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot

to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.

I hope the fences we mended

fall down beneath their own weight.

And I hope we hang on past the last exit,

I hope it's already too late.

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here

someday burns down.

And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away,

and I never come back to this town again.

In my life, I hope I lie,

and tell everyone you were a good wife.

And I hope you die,

I hope we both die.

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow,

I hope it bleeds all day long.

Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises,

we're pretty sure they're all wrong.

I hope it stays dark forever,

I hope the worst isn't over.

And I hope you blink before I do,

and I hope I never get sober.

And I hope when you think of me years down the line

you can't find one good thing to say.

And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out

you'd stay the hell out of my way.

I am drowning,

there is no sign of land.

You are coming down with me

hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die,

I hope we both die.

3. “Still Hurting” as performed by Anna Kendrick in The Last Five Years

It doesn’t matter if you don’t like musicals. Watch this video the whole way through on full volume and tell me you are excited to be in love again. Not possible. There is nothing like watching someone utterly destroyed by heartbreak and betrayal to make you grateful to be alone. This video, this song—it hurts, and it hurts so you don’t have to. Poor, Anna, sitting there in the fresh wreckage of her love nest, trying to make sense of what happened, longing for the truth to go away.

Listen in order to get all sad and weepy about lost love (vicariously, of course) so that you have the strength to delete Tinder for good.


Give me a day, Jamie,

Bring back the lies,

Hang them back on the wall...

...

Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn,

but that wouldn't change the fact,

that wouldn't speed the time,

once the foundation's cracked.

And

I'm

still

hurting.

4. “Newspaper” by Fionna Apple

This song is about a woman running into her ex- and his new partner. She watches him mistreat this new woman the way she herself was mistreated. This song functions as a brilliant anti-love song because it isn’t self-interested: the urgency is on behalf of that other woman and her desire to protect her from this man who just isn’t worth it. She forms a bond with this other woman, but only in her head. Think of this song like the pain of watching someone drown and being unable to save them--and unable to ever forget.

And it's a shame, because you and I didn't get a witness

We're the only ones who know

We were cursed, the moment that he kissed us

From then on, it was his big show

I grew concerned, when I saw him start to covet you

When I learned what he did, I felt close to you

In my own way, I fell in love with you

But he's made me a ghost to you

I watch him let go of your hand, I wanna stand between you

But it's not what I'm supposed to do

I watch him walk over, talk over you, be mean to you

And it makes me feel close to you

It makes me feel close to you

It makes me feel close to you

It's not what it's supposed to do

It makes me feel close to you

5. “Sorry” by Beyonce

I ain't thinking about you…

…suck on my balls I had enough

…tell ’em boy bye

Okay, everyone knows this song and for good reason. It’s a great anti-love song. But it’s also on the list because if you haven’t seen this parody video of the visual album, then you have to this week. It'll cheer you up before we plunge back into the depths. 



6. “Brick” by Ben Folds

This will make you never want to fall in love, never want to have sex, and never ever get pregnant. Just the off-chance that your life could end up like this song is enough reason to stay at home and rejoice about being single.

Now that I have found someone

I’m feeling more alone than I ever have before.

She’s the brick and I’m drowning slowly

off the coast and I’m headed nowhere.

…

she’s alone and I’m alone

and now I know it.

She’s a brick and I’m drowning slowly.

7. “Blue Valentines” by Tom Waits

Only listen if you're feeling tough.

8. “Is That All There Is?” by Peggy Lee


The recording is rough, but this is one of the only videos made of Peggy Lee performing this song. Don’t be fooled by this peppy, old-fashioned song: it is as dark as it gets, and it's a top-notch anti-love song. These lyrics have haunted me for a decade.

Is that all there is...to love?

Is that all there is?

Is that all there is, my friends?

9. “Shadowboxing” by Julien Baker

Careful: this song will make you feel things. Love lives in the world of this song, unlike many of the others, but it’s a desperate, sickly love that isn’t about romance at all. The word love arrives at the end, but only to steal away any remaining hope because there’s no way for her to “believe what she can’t see.” This song is a plea to a God and a lover, the two conflated, both of which she no longer believes in:

Tell me you love me

Tell me you loved me

I want it so bad

I wanted so bad to believe you.

10. “Everybody Does” by Julien Baker

Baker's personal lyrics and raw style really shine when she attacks love. Nobody makes me feel things quite like Baker, and her albums were on repeat during my last great breakup.

This song is a rejection of love from day one. It’s self-loathing, though, not angry, which makes it relentlessly heartbreaking. This anti-love song has no delusions about where the fault lies. If anything, there’s a bit of pride, heard in Baker’s voice, during the repeated line, “It’s alright, everybody does,” as if knowing her lover will leave gives her an edge over the future, over her lover, and over herself. This is one way to control love: to be the one to ruin it first.

You're gonna run, you're gonna run

When you find out who I am

I know I'm a pile of filthy wreckage

You will wish you'd never touch

You're gonna run

When you find out who I am

You're gonna run

You're gonna run

It's alright, everybody does

11. “I’m Only Happy When It Rains” by Garbage

What does this song think of love?

Poor your misery down on me.

Enough said.

12. “Fuck the Pain Away” by Peaches

Don’t get it twisted. For Peaches, sex and love having nothing to do with each other.

13. "Fuck It" by Jessie Reyez

It's all about the attitude with Jessie Reyez. Such incredible songs from her, often about love, and yet love is always off to the side, its importance relegated to something like a prop or a necessary inconvenience. She can flip the switch, however, and make you feel real sexy and loving, but in this song she's nothing but ice. This is a song from a woman who is done being used in the name of love, said fuck it, and has started to flip the tables and use men back.

I crashed your Corvette

I heard you bitchin'

Are you done yet?

I didn't mean to

I wasn't drinking

But I talked to your ex

They say that you've been affectionate

Fuck it

You're lucky I didn't roll it

You're lucky I didn't blow your brains out

(“Shutter Island” is arguably another anti-love song on the same album, but it narrates a break-up primarily, so I left it off the list. Jessie Reyez just emanates a persona that exists entirely between love and anti-love, and she can flip the switch between the two at any second.)

14. “Seventy time 7” by Brand New

Look, Brand New just writes a really solid anti-love song. If you liked “The Quiet Things,” give this one a try, too. It’s a hate-filled revenge rant, perfect for those still angry at their ex(es):

So is that what you call a getaway?

Tell me what you got away with

Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish

I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids

Have another drink and drive yourself home

I hope there's ice on all the roads

And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt

And again when your head goes through the windshield

Is that what you call tact?

You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back

So let's end this call and end this conversation.

And is that what you call a getaway?

Tell me what you got away with

Cause you left the frays from the ties you severed

When you say “best friends” means friends forever.

*Bonus*: “This Year” by The Mountain Goats

This song is not an anti-love song, but I hope you’ll listen if you need a palate cleanser. Hold this refrain close to your heart during this ridiculous holiday and for the rest of 2021:

I am going to make it / through this year / if it kills me.

There will be feasting in Jerusalem next year.

I am going to make it / through this year / if it kills me.

Here's to a better Valentine's Day next time around.

And if not? Fuck it.