The 13 Nights Of Halloween

Are you always disappointed when Halloween is over? Do you spend all October partying in your local graveyard only to feel like you have to pack up all the bones and spiderwebs by November 1st or else you’ll end up being a weirdo like me? NEVER FEAR, because I have news for you!

It seems everyone has heard of the twelve days of Christmas, but no one wants to talk about the biggest afterparty of the year: the thirteen nights of Halloween. From October 31st to November 12th, Halloween lives on when night falls. It might surprise you to know that this tradition dates back centuries. It might also surprise you to know that Thanksgiving was originally created as a festival to celebrate surviving all thirteen nights. I don’t know how that fake pilgrim bullshit got in there. How have I never heard of this then? you ask skeptically. To which I haughtily reply, Were you born yesterday? History books cover up tons of stuff every day, including but not limited to mass genocide.

With that in mind, I decided to create this article to shine some light on this long-forgotten practice and bring the 13 nights of Halloween back to life. In the list below, I’ve created a comprehensive explanation of traditional activities to enact on each night. And alongside each activity, I’ve even included a song to complement the experience. I’ve avoided putting the more obvious Halloween top-hit favorites on here (I assume you’ll have already heard them enough at this juncture) but everything included is suitably creepy, trust me.

Are you ready? Of course you are.

The first night: October 31st

There’s no better way to start the festivities than going in with a bang, and you’d be hard-pressed to find an activity more bracing and refreshing than sweating and fearing for your life as rats nibble at your extremities and a gigantic blade swings closer and closer to your helpless, constrained form.

That’s why this Halloween I recommend getting 'the-pit-and-the-pendulumed', a la Edgar Allan Poe. You will, of course, need a pendulum, a dreary basement, and some restraints, so I suggest getting these as ‘props’ for your Halloween party. When the guests leave, let the real fun commence!

And listen, I know I said I wouldn’t add any obvious Halloween hits to the list, but I’m making an exception for Halloween itself. This cover of the Nightmare Before Christmas bop by Marilyn Manson has always been a favorite of mine.

The second night: November 1st

Tonight is ideal for taking a mysterious book off the shelf and accidentally opening the portal to a demonic realm. You’ll probably end up pursued through halls of flame and mirrors by an eldritch terror. And while you’re at it, we have just the musical number for you! Apocalyptica's rendition of "Hall of the Mountain King" is an excellent companion for your descent into the depths of hell.

The third night: November 2nd

This activity is best done earlier in the day, for obvious reasons. Nothing makes a Tuesday evening at work more exciting than an unexpected zombie attack. And no zombie attack is least expected than the one that comes two days after Halloween is over. Rope together a crew of undead friends and surprise and shock your coworkers by showing up at work as a zombie! "Re: Your Brains" by Jonathan Coulton is the perfect track if you’re looking for a little inspiration.

The fourth night: November 3rd

Tonight, it’s time to unwisely adopt an orphan that turns out to be the spawn of Satan. Deadbolt your bedroom door immediately upon getting home, play this delightful little number, and proceed to fear for your life. Track: "Hide & Seek" (English rendition by Lizz Robinett)

The fifth night: November 4th

The fifth night of Halloween this year lands on a new moon. This is an ideal time to do a bonding activity like arts and crafts or baking fall treats with your sleep paralysis demon- you’re both going to be up after all, so why not?

If your li’l incubus is anything like mine, the only soundtrack to this night will be this eerie cover of "Sweet Dreams" by Emily Browning played on an endless loop.

The sixth night: November 5th

If you’ve never spent a night staring at the wallpaper until you go insane in the tower bedroom of a haunted ancient victorian home, you’re really missing out! And "Whisper" by Evanescence is the ideal soundtrack for this underrated activity. Aside from being a straight MOOD, this track actually gives the following great advice to make the evening safer as well:

1. don’t turn away (don’t give in to the pain)

2. don’t try to hide (though they’re screaming your name)

3. don’t close your eyes (God knows what lies behind them)

4. don’t turn out the light (never sleep, never die)

The seventh night: November 6th

There’s nothing more brisk or thrilling than being buried alive in the prime of your life! Spend the day prior formulating a plan so that you can spend this fall night six feet under! (idea: take a cell phone to terrorize your best friend before you have them dig you up! There's no guarantee you’ll have any service of course, but the uncertainty is part of the fun!)

Music selection: "The Worms Crawl In" by Creature Feature

The eighth night: November 7th

This is the night to take a trip to your local Rent-A-Clown and rent the most terrible clown you can find (pro tip: pretend you have a kid named Timmy who’ll be turning eight, that seems to shake the best of ‘em out of the woodwork). Have the aforementioned clown trail you around all day and surprise you at random moments. It’s an absolute gas, unless you have heart issues.

The perfect tune to accompany this activity is "Devil’s Toybox" by Uninvited Guest. The uncertain chords and jack-in-the-box sounds as well as the playful yet ominous tune are right on point.

The ninth night: November 8th

Never been haunted by an incredibly lifelike porcelain doll? Now’s your chance! You’re going to need to get a head start on this one, as you’ll need an old, clearly cursed home to buy on impulse. As for the rest— Jonathan Coulton (yes, I know he’s here twice, shh) relates the ideal 8th night in his hair-raising and not at all humorous hit, "Creepy Doll".

The tenth night: November 9th

It’s time to practice opening up. Throw out all your garlic and let a vampire into your house. You might find that suddenly you can’t sleep and that your new master only lets you drink the blood of small creatures, but the company is definitely worth it! Suggested track: "Dracula" by Gorillaz

The eleventh night: November 10th

Tonight, you might wake up with smudges of something that looks like blood all over, hair on the backs of your hands, and no memory of the day before. If so, congratulations! you’ve just had your first Jekyll & Hyde moment! Time to sign your soul over for a good time and sing your own monstrous praises! Pour yourself a glass of hot cider (or blood, considering your new tastes) and give yourself over to the ominous strains of violin in Voltaire's "When You're Evil". Bask in your own nefariousness, you’ve earned it.

The twelfth night: November 11th

Dust off your Ouija Boards! Because tonight’s a great night to invite a demon take you over mind and body! For music, we’ve lined up what just might be the best possession bop ever made- "Inside of You, In Spite of You" by ThouShaltNot.

The thirteenth night: November 12th

Last but not least, we have one of my personal favorite pastimes: disappearing into the woods, never to be seen again. The track "Mitternacht" by E Nomine, with its alternating German and Latin lyrics, conjures images of werewolves running rampant under the full moon and dark magical rituals conducted at midnight- all the usual stuff you can expect from your local forest.

So there you have it! After Halloween is over this year, don’t despair. Just dig out this list, and let the afterparty commence. It’s truly fun for the whole family, and if you’re lucky, you might even make it to Thanksgiving dinner on time (albeit maybe covered in twigs and leaves with a feral glint in your eye)

FULL PLAYLIST HERE:

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