Tears in Heaven

This has been one of the most difficult writings that I’ve felt compelled to do. A song that resonates with me as a source of healing and a source of pain is, Tears in Heaven, by Eric Clapton. The song was written for his young son that he lost in a terrible accident. I had heard the song before many times, but the lyrics didn’t really have true meaning for me until I suddenly lost my mother in October of 2016. Like myself, Eric Clapton had experienced great loss and that was the dark, yet light space that these lyrics are pulled from.

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

I feel that when one loses their mother a part of themselves dies with her. That absence creates this surreal existence and so many unanswered questions. There are so many things that need to be said and so many that can’t. You see the source of your life dissipate and it calls into question your own mortality. The afterlife becomes more present. The harsh realization that you will never see, smell, hear, or touch that person again burns your soul. Yes, there are the cliché comforting words offered by loved ones and the poor imitations of what once was through mementos, but the energy of that life is gone, and you feel it with every beat of your heart. The first verse of the song touches on the simplicity of emotion with that loss. The question, can I ever know you like I knew again? Even if death came and took this pain away, and I made it to heaven to see you again, would it even be like it was or are those moments forever gone? I think that acceptance in the process of grief rings throughout this verse.

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way through night and day

'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

The second verse for me addresses the feelings of guilt and also questions of forgiveness one may struggle with. We feel commissioned to be the protectors of our loved ones. When we lose them, however we lose them, there often lingers the question of, did I do all that I could to save them? No matter how many scenarios we run through, and all of the alternatives, we’ll never truly feel that we did enough. Eventually there is an overarching acknowledgement that there is a grand plan and no matter what, what was going to be is what was, but there will always be that question and the guilt attached to it. If I saw you again in heaven, would you forgive me for not being there for you like you needed me to be? Was I what you needed? Did you feel loved and supported? Do you forgive me? Would you hold my hand and help me stand? Do you still love me like you did before?

The last lines of verses one and two bring about a sense of closure for me. While it would be easy to give up and give in, I know I can’t stay in this place. I can’t remain in this place of grief with you, and it some way it has to change. The pain won’t end, but I can’t remain in this place. Healing must occur.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees

Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

I remember people telling me that things would get better with time when my mother passed. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Time only exacerbated the pain for me. Her absence became more and more noticeable, the more time passed. The holidays and special milestones that were occurring echoed her absence.

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure

And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

Eventually, there is a peaceful acceptance. The hurt doesn’t end but I was able to look past myself and try to see what this transition meant for my mother. Acknowledging that my mother was in a place of peace, that there would be no more suffering and no more tears, allowed my heart to settle a bit. This song is truly an example of how music can capture an emotion, a hurt and pain so deep that words by themselves can’t express. Eric Clapton was able to name the pain of grief by allowing the vulnerability of putting his own hurt and healing to music and through that selfless act, spoke what is on the heart of so many. So, I consider this song a means of therapy that walks me through the stages of grief I have experienced but also offers that resolve at its completion. It has achieved for me what I feel most artists hope to achieve for their fans. It has given me peace.

Tears In Heaven

by Eric Clapton

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand

If I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand

If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way through night and day

'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees

Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure

And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same

If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong and carry on

'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Eric Patrick Clapton / Will Jennings

Tears In Heaven lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group