Sunday Best

I don't remember the last time that I laughed, but here I was with my three best friends in the world, laughing harder than I ever have before. I was able to sneak a night away from my boyfriend, Zach, to spend the night with my friends. Zach and I have been together for a year, but I didn't stay with him out of love- I was scared to leave him.

Even though at some point I loved him, I think that love stemmed through manipulation more than anything. I met him at my high school's rivalry football game through a mutual friend of ours. At the time, my parents were going through a divorce because my mother had found out about my father's continual use of illicit drugs such as crack cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamine. Along making and taking illegal drugs, he would often have violent outbursts, and my sister and I would act as his punching bags whenever he got the "meth-rage." It was safe to say that at this time, I had never been more depressed. I have never thought that someone could feel so hollow, so worthless, in such despair that they lose all sense of self. I didn't even know who I was anymore.

I was the perfect bait for a predator. There I was, an insecure teenage girl who had "daddy issues," and no will to live. I was too innocent to even know that someone would take advantage of me even after all that I was going through. I would soon learn that people will take advantage of anybody no matter their past.

I believe that Zach could tell that I was vulnerable. I had a date set to commit suicide, along with the method. I remember once telling him that I didn't want to get close because "I was going to move away soon," (I did not want to tell anybody in fear of worrying anyone.) but he still tried as hard as he could to develop a relationship with me. We ended up getting really close, and things were good for a while! I threw away the pills I was going to use to overdose on and had a beautiful six months with Zach. He helped me rebuild my self confidence, and I was starting to pick up the pieces of my mental state and glue them back together.

During the last six months we had together, he had been planting little seeds in my mind that were meant to break my self confidence down even more than it had been already. He would lead me to believe that I was too worthless to be with someone else, that I was too much of a slut that nobody would want me, and that I was lucky that I had someone because I was too fat to get anybody else. This was extremely detrimental to me, due to the fact that my self confidence was now vested in him rather than within myself.

Whenever I hung out with him, it was the same routine each time. I would drive to his house and go downstairs to his bedroom. Then he would pressure me for more than I'd want to give, but he was more manipulative than my naïve mind could handle. Each time I came over and we danced the same dance, and I'd leave feeling dirty, used, and uncomfortable. I was under the guise that this was love, and so I just dealt with it.

My friends started to not recognize who I was. I would leave their texts on "read" and bail on all the plans we make to hang out with Zach. I was beginning to feel so isolated from my friends and family and trapped in this relationship with him. Finally my best friend, Mia, convinced me to leave my house one Saturday to go to a small get together that she threw for me at her house.

Zach could track my location through my phone, so I just turned my phone off. That night he had stood me up to hang out with his friends. When that happened, he expected me to stay home by myself. It would've made him furious if he found out that I went out that night.

I set my phone down and went upstairs to Mia's bedroom and found a few of my other really good friends there. There was Joseph, who was Mia's cousin, and Vlad, who was my teammate on my hockey team.

"Alyssa, This is an intervention," Mia said. The boys nodded.

I stood there, utterly confused.

"What do you even mean?" I said, laughing. I was so taken aback by her statement that I could not even bring sense into it.

"Zach is straight up abusing you, dude. You have to leave him," Vlad said. It was strange to see Vlad talking to me about serious things. We had never been those friends to tell each other about their problems; we would always joke and laugh together, so I had never experienced a conversation with substance from Vlad until tonight. Tears started to well up in my eyes because I already knew everything they were about to tell me, but I didn't want to accept it.

Us four had a very lengthy heart-to-heart. It was hours of crying, venting about my problems, and realizing all the red flags that happened along the way. I realized that to stop the cycle of men abusing me, I had to leave him. I will never forget how us four held each other and cried in each other's arms that night.

After d to make the most out of the night. We turned on some good tunes and started having a good conversation. The mood in the room shifted from melancholy to what I was missing in my life for so long- fun. The music was more of a background sound until I heard one of the most beautiful, upbeat, easy-going songs.

"Ayy, feeling good, like I should

Went and took a walk around the neighborhood

Feeling blessed, never stressed

Got that sunshine on my Sunday best (Yeah, ayy, ayy)

Every day can be a better day, despite the challenge

All you gotta do is leave it better than you found it

It's gonna get difficult to stand, but hold your balance

I just say whatever 'cause there is no way around it 'cause

I'm Feelin' Good!

Like I should!"

I was stunned at how easy attainable the song made happiness out to be. And I started to think; why did I believe that being happy was only meant to be few and far between? Why don't I deserve to be happy?

"Hey Mia, what's the name of this song?" I asked. She smiled at me.

"I knew you'd like it. It's called Sunday Best by Surfaces," she said. I asked her to play that song twice more before the hour was even over.

I do deserve happiness! Not everything that I do is wrong, or if I make a mistake then I don't deserve to be condemned because of it. Nothing in life is that serious. People make mistakes, but you have to pick yourself up despite the challenge.

That night, I had a dream. I was walking through a long hallway, opening doors as I walked past them. In some doors, I would see a memory of Zach and I where he would bring me tears. In another room, I would see memories of my friends and I having a good time. That cycle would repeat a few times until I got to the end of the hallway, where a poster was hung. On the poster, only three words were written in it: "YOU MUST CHOSE."

Fast forward a few weeks from that night. I cut all ties with Zach and now I am in the process of picking up the pieces of my self confidence. I had to leave him at some point, there was no way around it. I reconnected with a lot of my friends, got a new job, and started taking care of my appearance again. I've never been happier!

I listen to the song Sunday Best by Surfaces every day to remind myself that nothing in life is that serious. I love the soft, chill, easygoing mood of the song and it has helps bring me back to Earth when I'm feeling down. The song reminds me that everyday is a new day, and it is my choice to make the day better than I found it. will forever be grateful for that song for playing at the exact right time, because otherwise I would've never found it. If I didn't listen to it, I would have probably been still stuck, dancing the same demeaning dance as I have been for months on end.