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Shades of teenage angst

And the right playlist to relieve it.

By One Breath At a TimePublished 3 years ago 12 min read
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Rammstein - 2013 Tour

Doubt there's any other age or age group or phase of life which has as high a variance between the start year and the end year. It's almost a crime to club it into one neat packet and label it teenage.

You start on the last day of age 12, eagerly waiting to cross over from the realm of childhood and all too excited to be called a teen. Hoping the elders will start treating you with more respect by not pulling your cheeks; giving you a seat at the table; making you a part of the family's decisions; most importantly, increasing your allowance. Rose tinted glasses on rose tinted cheeks (proverbial of course - I was a dark child with no cash or liking for rose tinted glasses); the world at your feet (literally, while hoping not to trip up during track trials) and decent enough grades to allow you the badge of an up and comer. Well, that's 13 - full of hope in all its glory and just one pit stop away from becoming an adult. You feel you're so close you already start calling yourself an adult.

Switch to 19, just a day shy of 20. You're working part time at the local cafe to get by - hoping you'll get enough tips to buy your friends a few pints. You're taking some specific classes (or skipping some specific ones) to make sure you get enough facetime with the girl(s?) you hope to date; all this while you end up waiting their tables at the cafe. Track dreams have been traded for neat suits, ties and cars in high rises. You didn't turn out to be the most handsome man the sweet dollop of cream at age 13 was supposed to turn into; you struggle with dandruff and avoid black and your grades are - well let's not go there.

See what I'm getting at? I can easily replace the "you" for "I" above and that'd make it my story. Of course everyone's teenage passes differently but mine can easily be split into 3 phases - beginning, middle and end. The 3 phases kept changing my world - small bits at a time. What these phases had in common however was music. Music made sure my world kept spinning on the same axis. It made sure it'll pick me up from whatever dump it found me in. It made sure I had the courage to get through stuff - stuff which was almost too easy in hindsight but too tough to get through at the time. To be clear my teenage was not a complete sob story - and music also highlighted some of the brighter moments of that age as it still does.

Cutting to the chase, here is the playlist that represents the kind of music that made my life better. It doesn't have every song I'd like to put on but it definitely has some from every artist I have listened to or secretly aspired to be like (cue air guitaring video). Will discuss the songs / artists after the playlist.

The Beginning - Age 13-14

This phase was all about inheriting music. My elder brother had just moved out for grad school, leaving me cassettes, more than 40 of them if I remember correctly and it had everything - right from classic rock to punk rock to pop to 1 hip hop album. We're talking everything from Led Zeppelin and AC/DC to Madonna and MJ and everything in between. While I took my own sweet time to go through all of it - I did end up adding songs to mixtape which I could keep going back to. Here are few of the highlights -

Song 1: Kashmir - Led Zeppelin

Teenage Situation: God Mode, totally invincible, feeling quite grown up

Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face

And stars fill my dream

I'm a traveler of both time and space

To be where I have been

To sit with elders of the gentle race

This world has seldom seen

They talk of days for which they sit and wait

All will be revealed

The lyrics clearly validate the need to have a seat on the table - "to sit with elders of the gentle race" I mean. Lyrics aside, the music is so mesmerizing, it literally transports you to a different space.

Song 2: Dream On - Aerosmith

Teenage Situation: Same as the song title

Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year

Sing for the laughter, and sing for the tear

Sing it with me, if it's just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away

Dream on

Dream on

Dream on

Dream until the dream come true

Screeching was something I got very interested in and had two of the best tutors one could get - a tape of Aerosmith's self titled debut album (released in 1973) and my mom (released in 1953). There'd be times when mom would actually try to out-screech Steven Tyler and wannabe Steven Tyler aka me; her throat would fail, she'd stay mum for a few days and then be back at it. It made us stronger in unimaginable ways. Thank you Steven.

Song 3: Welcome to the Jungle - Guns N' Roses

Teenage Situation: Tarzan mode, full of hope, energy and youth

Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games

We got everything you want honey, we know the names

We are the people that can find whatever you may need

If you got the money, honey we got your disease

I must admit I took the lyrics quite literally at the time, not knowing much about the money-bought-diseases Axl mentions in GNR's title track from their debut album Appetite for Destruction. While the album was one of the more prized possessions in the stack I inherited - thanks to Sweet Child O' Mine, I quickly warmed up to the entire album, finding very little that did not work. This one certainly has the raw energy you'd expect from a new band, wanting to stand shoulder to shoulder with the likes of Aerosmith, Metallica and Bon Jovi.

The Middle - Age 15-17

While I inherited music from my elder brother along with his other hand me downs in the beginning, the middle years were years of growth that was more organic in nature. Be it physically, emotionally or musically, everything was either happening naturally or I was trying to control it all. I explored reaching out to the opposite sex, engaged in puppy love, getting rejected. At the same time, musically, I discovered grunge and metal in all their shapes and forms. Life did Smell like teen spirit. Here are some of the songs I discovered at the time -

Song 4: Come As You Are - Nirvana

Teenage Situation: Asked out a girl for the first time, tried to be sly about it. The song captures some of it.

Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy

Take your time, hurry up

Choice is yours, don't be late

Take a rest as a friend

As an old

Memoria, memoria

Memoria, memoria

While I'm excessively passionate about Smells Like Teen Spirit (it still gives me goose bumps when I play it on my headphones), I personally find this particular song to be one of Nirvana's best. Their signature straight-forward lyrics, with Kurt's voice and guitar with Dave Grohl's drums create something most artists can only dream of.

Song 5: Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin

Teenage Situation: Beginnings of a relationship

You've been learning

Um baby I been learning

All them good times baby, baby

I've been year-yearning

A-way, way down inside

A-honey you need-ah

I'm gonna give you my love, ah

I'm gonna give you my love, ah oh

Whole lotta love

Want to whole lotta love

Want to whole lotta love

Want to whole lotta love

I still wonder how Zoso created what they created. Raw, multi-layered, haunting at times, seductive at others and full of energy all the time. Whole Lotta Love has the desire most of us feel during these years. What it also has is music that disorients you at times, just like first love does. It shakes up your compass, makes you lose your bearings. Listen to this one on headphones and wait for the mid section.

Song 6: Ich Will - Rammstein

Teenage Situation: God mode in love, moderate popularity, top of the world

Have you ever experienced music in its purest form? Leave aside meaning in words but just a mix of instruments and vocals that might not make any sense to you. It needs a certain form of trust, that it's music eventually, and I'm glad I showed that trust in German band Rammstein. Soundtracks from The Matrix and XXX were the albums that introduced me to them. I went on to find recordings of their early concerts in Paris and Berlin and the rest is history. I didn't need mixtapes for a while after that. The 90-120 minute fire-filled concerts would just keep playing on my desktop while I worked assignments or resolved romantic issues. Go ahead, listen to their albums or watch their concerts. You'll not regret it.

Ich Will means I Want and a snippet of their translated lyrics is below - but I'm sure you won't need it.

(I want) I want to hear your voices

(I want) I want the peace disturbed

(I want) I want that you watch me carefully

(I want) I want that you understand me

(I want) I want your fantasy

(I want) I want your energy

(I want) I want to see your hands

(I want) to drown in cheering

Song 7: In These Arms - Bon Jovi

Teenage Situation: Heartbreak

You want commitment, and take a look into these eyes.

They burn with fire, Yeah, until the end of time.

And I would do anything, I'd beg, I'd steal,

I'd die to have you in theses arms tonight.

Nobody's teen-age is complete without heartbreaks or rejections. Blessed are those who can have it all. Not most of us. And that is why no teen angst playlist is complete without a rock ballad about heartbreak. While there were a number of contenders for this including Everything I Do, I Do It For You by Bryan Adams and November Rain by GNR, this song works with the tempo of the playlist and works as a great Bon Jovi love song.

The End - Age 18-19

This is the age that when according to me the most amount of change happens. I moved out of the house to a different city. Friends changed, love interests changed, beliefs changed, almost everything changed for me during this time. And the following songs reflect that -

Song 8: Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin

Teenage Situation: Moving to a different city, learning to do anything and everything on my own and not being good at it.

We come from the land of the ice and snow

From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow

The hammer of the gods

Will drive our ships to new lands

To fight the horde, sing and cry

Valhalla, I am coming

On we sweep with threshing oar

Our only goal will be the western shore

Did I mention raw energy and Led Zeppelin in the same sentence before? I think I must have and I think you guys are also figuring out how big a fan I am of the band. But I don't have another option. Such perfection is not found that easily - not only in music but any art form. A song so short and packing such a punch is very rare - its almost like a short, concise yet perfect Chekhov short story.

Song 9: Losing My Religion - REM

Teenage Situation: Losing My Faith

That's me in the corner

That's me in the spot-light

Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

And I don't know if I can do it

Oh no I've said too much

I haven't said enough

It was during this time that I reassessed my faith - in god, in religion, in the existence of the divine. And this song encapsulates that struggle quite well. As a piece of music, right from the strumming in the beginning, the song carries a sad energy through to the end. A beautiful piece of music - performed and sung even more beautifully.

Song 10: Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park

Teenage Situation: Finding my place among others.

When this began

I had nothing to say

And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me

(I was confused)

And I let it all out to find

That I'm not the only person with these things in mind

There are times when I've felt at a loss - about where I am, what I'm doing, the meaning of it all and I still do. While I was thinking on these lines at this point in my life, Linkin Park's album Meteora came out. I had become more current with the music. In The End from the first album left quite a mark, but this particular song hit the homerun in my book. Chester Bennington's voice carries their often simple lyrics with such emotion that the song shakes you and wakes you up and tells you - "Its alright, we've all been in this place and we're with you."

Song 11: Another Brick in The Wall - Pink Floyd

Teenage Situation: Existential Crisis

We don't need no education

We don't need no thought control

No dark sarcasm in the classroom

Teacher, leave them kids alone

Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!

All in all, it's just another brick in the wall

All in all, you're just another brick in the wall

In continuation with what I experienced earlier, I did feel that I was getting sucked into this structure of life built by others, driven by a consumerist agenda. A number of movies, including Fight Club and the Matrix, pointed in this direction and this song echoed similar sentiments. It sticks, in a very haunting way because it is the truth.

Well that brings my teenage years and the connected angst and dilemmas to an end. An ideal playlist would end here, but I do have 2 fantastic bonus songs I just couldn't let go. One is Engel (Angel) from Rammstein and the other is When the levee breaks from Led Zeppelin.

Thank you for listening. Hope you liked it.

Au Revoir

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