Playlist For Those Who Didn't Win The Lottery (this time around)
Anti-Valentine Playlist with a Twist
We all know that Valentine's Day is for the romantic expression of love and affection.
Did you know the physical expression of love goes all the way back to the festival of Lupercalia?
Lupercalia is an ancient Roman holiday, and one thing they did was to hold a lottery to pair off couples to copulate.
And it got me thinking... Don’t we still play a ‘lottery’?
We don't have our names drawn out of a bowl and paired with a stranger (unless that's your kind of sex party), but we still got to be 'in it to win it.' We buy our tickets in the lottery of love and who draws us out can be a matter of chance.
I'm one of the losers
I say that with affection. I am single and loving it. But that does not mean I have forgotten the heartache.
An Australian Playlist To Help With The Grieving Process
I put together this Australian playlist in the hopes of introducing Vocal's American and UK audience to new songs. For everyone who feels they have not ‘won the lottery’ in finding the perfect Valentine.
WARNING: I have tried hard to get an appealing list together and this is why this playlist has songs from the 1980’s through to 2020. Classic rock to classical piano. Try everything! You don’t know what you might like!
The first song is like the first step of any recovery plan. Acknowledge the problem. Acknowledge the end of the relationship:
Pleasure and Pain – The Divinyls
Break my body, with the back of your hand
Doesn’t make sense from where I stand
Baby, baby why you want to mess it up?
Sooner or later I’ll find my place
If you're pro Valentine's you can look up their naughty song: I Touch Myself to get yourself in the mood. But, since we're talking anti-Valentine here, Pleasure and Pain has you asking why the Pain is outweighing the Pleasure?
It's the cusp of the end of the relationship when there are still good things happening, but there is neglect and self-sabotage. The song is on the playlist to acknowledge the pain has just begun.
However, there can be a different kind of ending, and this is when the words of Thelma Plum's Clumsy Love comes into play. Unfortunately, one person can love another more.
Clumsy Love – Thelma Plum
If you could ever love me
Half as much as you could love yourself
We’d have a big house
And a big ol’ tree for us and no one else
DENIAL
There can be two types of denial:
First, it can be internal and denial takes the form of wondering what the hell happened. Taking some moments to collect your thoughts would be a great idea. Amiel poses some deep questions. WARNING: there is an F-bomb version. Search 'Stupid Lovelong' if you want the clean version.
Love Song – Amiel
It’s one thing to ask, why did we break up
Have you ever wondered why it is we fall in love?
The second expression is denial as a hard 'no.' No I do not accept the relationship as it is. Sally Seltmann offers some confidence to any decisions made during this phase.
I Will Not Wear Your Wedding Ring – Sally Seltmann
But I will not wear your wedding ring
And I will not tell you anything
But to leave me here alone, I ask you to go
Go! Go!
ANGER
There are so many angry relationship songs out there I had to cut a lot of talent. Anger comes from not getting what we wanted, and/or realising all the things we've tolerated in the name of love.
Anger can be used in a positive or negative style:
In a positive way, this emotion can be our motivation to get the hell away from who and what we need to get away from. For this, sing along to The Cruel Sea’s The Honeymoon Is Over.
But we also need to remember not to keep a scorecard against our ex’s. Hiring the hitman from Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap is NOT what you do.
The Honeymoon Is Over – The Cruel Sea
I should have left you, baby
Back in that last town
‘Cause the kind of fool you made me girl
I’ll never live it down
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap – AC/DC
You got problems in your life of love
You got a broken heart
He’s double-dealing with your best friend
***
If you got a lady and you want her gone
But you ain’t got the guts
She keeps naggin’ at you night and day
***
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeps done dirt cheap
BARGAINING
Bargaining can be the most vulnerable time. This is when we want to change ourselves to get our ex's back. Or think about what situations could we have done differently? One day we want to negotiate our old love lives back, and the next day we are happy we left.
Not Pretty Enough – Kasey Chambers
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart too broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
How Much Does Your Love Cost? - Thelma Plum
And by the time I go
Your love had been sold
To everyone else but me
The next song would not normally be associated with being a relationship song. Nonetheless it is on the playlist due to its lyrics. Take the time to listen and hear how it might be practical in your breakup grieving process.
Pedestrian At Best – Courtney Barnett
I love you, I hate you, I’m on the fence, it all depends
Whether I’m up or down, I’m on the mend, transcending all reality
DEPRESSION
It is over. Loneliness is here. Our partners are not listening, so we've stopped talking. The experiences that bought us happiness now do not offer any solace.
But there is hope at the end of the tunnel, No Plans To Make Plans is an upbeat song that you might have it figured out but you need a little extra time.
If you feel fair to middling about your situation, listen to Birds of Tokyo.
However, if your mood is definitely low, then go straight to Blue Moon, Black Sea for a truly melancholic song.
No Plans To Make Plans – Lime Cordiale
Making accusations, but you’re anxious everyday
Need a break from your business schedule
***
You’re making a stand, but not standing up yet
The Saddest Thing I Know – Birds of Tokyo
Your attitude is mud and your promise is dead
You counteract the fuel with the drink and the drugs
Blue Moon, Black Sea – Emily Wurramara
Blue moon, those bright stars
Black seas, it was hard
To swim, but I drowned
Mercy mercy please help me now
ACCEPTANCE
How To Make Gravy – Paul Kelly
When I'm standing in line
I hear Mary's got a new boyfriend, I hope he can hold his own
Do you remember the last one?
What was his name again?
Just a little too much cologne
Yes, the relationship is over, but it is what it is. No hardness. No harsh feelings. And when we get to that stage, we can sing along with Bernard Fanning and wish all our ex’s well. Or, circle back around to Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. There is no straight path or time limit here. No judgement!
Wish You Well – Bernard Fanning
Restless future burning bright
The past is holding on so tight
Never heard the warning bell
And I just want to wish you well
I just want to wish you well
Honourable Mention: Stella One Eleven
Stella One Eleven is an Australian band of the late 1990s, and do not have many songs on Spotify, YouTube, or other social media platform. But I would like to end this playlist with their song Not Afraid, written by Cindy Ryan. Any talent out there who can do a cover? A great song to end an anti-valentine playlist, no matter how it plays out in your head.
Not Afraid
If you would open up your mind
And see what’s written on the page that you are looking at
You might find
I am not afraid
I am not afraid
Of what you say
Your voice is filling up the room
It seems so loud I feel it resting on my back
I know it’s hard for you
I am not afraid
I am not afraid
Of what you say
What you say
If I see you in the street, I can’t imagine what we’d talk about
I’ve been through that a thousand times
And still recall the things we said before
If I see you in the crowd I watch you now, to know that
I am not afraid
I am not afraid
I am not afraid
I am not afraid
The whole playlist can be found here:
Even if we have not ‘won’ any hearts lately, love thyself, and to thyself be true.
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