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Oh The Angst

A fat boy’s teen years

By Andy CheekPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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How do you begin to weave music into feelings that speak to you and capture those urges that are bursting in a teen? Let’s admit it, for the majority of us, love and sex were what we were obsessed with. How much time did I spend staring at the girls with the shear shorts or cheerleading uniforms on? For me that gave me the most anxiety. For those of us that music filled our void of belonging, many songs made us think that getting love or laid was possible. Being 56 now, my music is older and because of my dad, I also listened to music that he enjoyed as a teen. My playlist is varied and extensive. I can’t list all I love because it would take days to write. I gravitated to mellow music and the only “hard” stuff came from Rush and Yes mostly if you can call that hard. Being a fat below average looking kid pushed me to listen to music. I did have a singing talent though and was accepted by audition to the Durham Boys Choir. That training would take me to sing in school choirs and I ended up being the only male soprano in junior high. Loving music with high and falsetto voices appealed to me because of this. While these things made me confident in some ways, the angst was still there with the desires of a teen. Here is a sample of my youth songs and how they spoke to me.

Saturday Nights Alright for Fighting by Elton John - My first idol spoke to me with this heart pumping driving upbeat song that said “I may sink a little drink and shout out she’s with me!” I pictured a woman with pure passion slinking over to her man and caressing his face and tightly embracing him.

Up on the Roof by James Taylor - This song just oozed romance as I imagined staring at the stars above and the city lights below with the one I loved.

On and On by Stephen Bishop - A song of heartache but hope. How I wanted that beach atmosphere, but for my love to stay though.

You are Everything by The Stylistics - A falsetto voice I sang along with singing of how his love was his life. As a teen we obviously prioritize differently and think mostly on the physical wants. As the saying goes, adulting sucks.

At Seventeen by Janis Ian - The ultimate treist of teen angst in my opinion. Just substitute ugly duckling boys for ugly duckling girls in the lyrics and you have me pegged.

Hello It’s Me by Todd Rundgren - “Seeing you, or seeing anything as much as I see you”. Seeing only your lover and wanting them to know how important they are. Or maybe I was just a horny teen.

If by Bread - A song I loved to sing and was overjoyed to get the high notes. It describes a love that just can’t be quantified. For the majority of us, isn’t that what we want?

Loving Arms by Dobie Gray - I wanted to get away and lay in the arms of one who loved me. I guess we remember our childhood and the embraces we felt then.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart by the Bee Gees - To wish for a broken heart may be odd, but you have to have a love in it to break. I never had true heartbreak in my teen years because I never had reciprocated love, but I did have quite a cry over my best friend and his girlfriend though. Like some of those 80’s movies, I was the friend that crushed badly on this girl and helped her in anyway I could. Of course she ended up with my best friend without ever having romantic feelings for me.

You’re Only Lonely by JD Souther - A little hope that someone was out there to run to and be loved back. “Don’t you ever be ashamed, you’re only lonely”.

That’s just a little look into my music love and teenage psyche. Being a teen was a bitch, but it sure beats the responsibilities I have now.

Thankfully I found love in my twenties, but am now widowed. Those feelings have come back of wondering if I will ever be loved. Only time will tell.

playlist
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About the Creator

Andy Cheek

Retired optician that has written poems occasionally and attempted to start short stories and novels.

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