Narcissists I have known

I had never been particularly worldly or self-assured, and if the truth be told, I had always suspected I would make a terrible wife. Sleeping Beauty had slept for one hundred years. I think that is how the story goes. Only to be awakened by a kiss from a handsome Prince. I was not labouring under the illusion that there was a Mr Right waiting for me to catch his eye across a crowded room. Romance bored me. I made terrible romantic decisions, that always ended up badly. This song was every relationship I had up until the age of 35.

My taste was the worst. There was the guy who got it on with my friend.... While I was still in the room. He is now bald, so karma got him. I never got truly spoiled on Valentine's Day, Christmas or Birthdays. I never felt special. So, I chose to have big gaps in between my bad relationships. This song reminds me of that mood.

My last long-term boyfriend got his secret ex-girlfriend pregnant behind my back. He never came clean, I found out through sleuthing. When I confronted him, he said I had to keep his secret, or I was stopping him from being a better person. This song accurately sums up my feelings as I Facebooked his baby mama to tell her.

I went through a prolific dating phase in my 30s. Mostly I dated toyboys who were by and large players. These relationships would quickly blow up in my face, like this. I was unrepentant.

Before the fairy dust loses its sparkle, even seemingly innocent situations take on a kind of magic all their own when you meet someone you feel a connection with. No one plans to be on opposite sides of a war that can no longer be contained when they are in the first flush of what they believe to be true love. They feel certain they have met “the One”, their “Other Half”. Before you know it, it quickly deteriorates and becomes this.

One day an ex boyfriend turned to me and said, “I have issues”. “You don’t say”, I thought. He never slept for more than 3 hours a night. He smoked weed to relax, every single day. He had always done it, but it was more than a recreational habit. He was papering over the cracks. As everything disintegrated, he became so paranoid, he was borderline psychotic, accusing me of sleeping with men I no longer spoke to, let alone cared about, because I had believed I was in an exclusive relationship with him. He also forgot the things he said to me. He was a mess. In fights, he would say to me “I used to be a role model” and I was unsure why the fact he felt he no longer was one was my fault. When he decided to get clean, he had decided to do it without me, in another country, despite me being drug free. His job had always afforded him opportunities to live abroad but this time he wanted to get away from his “sadness”. I cast my mind back to our first date on that balcony, and idly imagined myself pushing him off the edge of it. I wanted him to leave.

Despite their worthy affirmations and protestations while circling the drain of poverty, people are changed by money. Most of my exes were obsessed with status but often it was about them having a better standing than me. A guy once decided not to go on a second date with me because I had a University degree.

It obviously never scarred me for life as I am getting married!