My Angst Playlist

Who remembers Napster? I mean the real Napster, where the music was unlimited and free for you to download. Every night I would pick seven songs to download and let them run all night on my computer, internet was a lot slower then, then I would wake up early and burn a new cd to listen to on the way to school. It was the ultimate expression of rebellion, and that is why after only a few short years they shut it down. But over those years I found and downloaded music I would never have had otherwise. Sure, know I know that it was bad, piracy and all that. But as the aforementioned angsty teenager it was almost a form of self-expression. As an homage to the short-lived Napster rebellion here is a short list of teenage angst songs from my youth.

It's Been a While by Stained: Man, I loved Stained growing up. That smokey voice and slow paced but still very angry music is probably best summarized in their first hit single in 2001. The Band was discovered by Fred Durst of Limp Biscuit, who directed the music video. It is a song about failed relationships caused by addiction and is sort of slow and somber in its tone. It ramps up to full rock out mode in the chorus though. The album dropped my senior year, but I listened to the bands albums through college living their next album 14 Shades of Grey almost as much. Both Albums have tracks in my playlist to this day this one is my favorite.

Put Your Lights On by Santana and Everlast: Man Santana's 1999 album Supernatural was amazing. Overshadowed by the much more upbeat Smooth featuring the vocals of Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas, this single was still often played on the radio. The lyrics were written by Everlast after he had a heart attack in 1998 and is in part about his recovery. A deeply personal track about hope and recovery from a dark place the song is again slow and somber. Fun fact the ending contains the line "La ilaha illa Allah" which in Arabic means There is no God but God.

In the End by Lincoln Park: I am a sucker for any Piano opening and while I do not "know" how to play the piano, I can to this day play the opening and ending to this song. You also do not get more teen angst than this song about how sometimes life feels meaningless. "I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter," is its theme and rather ironically the album was a huge hit, selling 5 million copies in America and becoming the best-selling album of that year. It likely would have sold even more but again, ironically, it was the number one pirated album of 2002, oops. Hindsight is 20-20 I guess, and I did go out and actually buy this album eventually and the remix album that came out a few years later.

When I come Around by Green Day: Every one of these lists from someone in the 90's must have a Green Day song on it. So let it be written, so let it be done. When I come around released in 1994 and made the band a household name. It was written as a lament by Billie Joe Armstrong over the nature of his long-range relationship with Adrienne Nesser. The couple was married the same year the Album Dookie came out and stayed together having two children. Green Day is one of the best bands of the twentieth century and twenty first century and one of my favorite songs of theirs is Holiday. But since I only included songs from my youth on this list it had to be the one that started it all.

Black Balloon by Goo Goo Dolls: Another song about struggling with addiction it was written to describe the struggle of a friend of Johnny Rzeznik with her heroin addiction. Even more than the lyrics the songs music is written to serve as an artistic expression of the battle, with quiet stretches followed by intense melodies. I love the Goo Goo Dolls; they are one of my favorite groups ever and their music is artistic expression personified. The song debuted in 1998 on the bands sixth album named Dizzy up the Girl. Take it as a standing recommendation to listen to every single this band has. Again, this one is not my favorite, that honor goes to Better Days, but it certainly got more angst and is a bit older.

Fell on Black Days by Soundgarden: Written by Chris Cornell in 1994, the song is about that day when a good life comes to an end. The realization that everything you have, which is great, you are going to lose and never get back. It is about the loss of innocence of youth and about for adults that one fatal mistake we will occasionally make that collapses the house of cards that is our life. One of the quintessential grunge songs of the 90's

Toxicity by System of a Down: An alternative metal song, I love this whole album really. I used to drive along with my friends screaming the lyrics and blasting it on the stereo. Toxicity is a rebellion song against some sort of poison to a person or our society. No one is sure what poison or group of people is being referred to and even the band seems to disagree about the meaning. But none of that matters when you listen to it and sing along. It is cathartic to sing about the poison and toxicity of several elements of our society.

Blue Monday by Orgy: Originally recorded in 1983 by the British band New Order this 1998 version is a lot more industrial sounding with heavy driving percussion. I am a sucker for heavy drums in rock songs and this one is about the heaviest loudest drums of them all. The whole song just gets louder and louder as you go, and it is a pulse of adrenaline all the way through. A song about abuse and the realization that one is being manipulated. The songs screams over and over "how should I feel!" and "How does it feel." Something that we have often yelled at each other when we find we are being used or abused.

The Kids aren't Alright by the Offspring: Dexter Holland wrote this song which debuted in 1998 after a visit to his hometown. He was surprised by how many of the people he grew up with who were suffering or had not achieved their dreams. Growing up everyone has dreams about "making it," whatever that may mean to you but very few people do. Some people can't be satisfied with anything less than the dream. It is a song about the difficulties faced by youth in the 90's and there is something for almost anyone to relate to in this song about “fragile lives and shattered dreams.”

Adam's Song by Blink 182: The Lyrics to Adam's song are eerily poignant in 2021. The song deals with suicide and the loss of innocence. It was written by the band in response to a letter they were sent through email written by a teen before he took his own life. The line "please tell mom this is not her fault," hits me every-time I hear it. There is also a subtle nod to Nirvana with the line "I took my time, I hurried up." Musically they song is unique as well, opening with a simple base line but quickly expanding by the end into almost a choral sound. By far the saddest song on this list it is a sobering reminder that no matter how dark things are there is always another way out.

So that is a short list of songs I listened to when I felt misunderstood and angry at the world. Thank you for checking out this list. There are hundreds of songs that could be on here, I was a pretty angsty teenager, but I tried to pick songs that came out in my youth when I was discovering more and more music through the internet. Now through the internet again I get to share them with you. Maybe soon this pandemic will be over and behind us and we can do a list on music that lifts us up.