Musical Digest: Halsey, Marshmello "Be Kind"

Like many people during this horrid and unprecedented time, I had underwent a rollercoaster of emotions...

Today my work family was torn in two as lay offs became more and more apparent...the previous night we're laughing, talking, exchanging gifs to now having our entire dynamic fall to pieces.

I've been sobbing all day wondering why was I spared? What the hell makes me so goddamn special?

Without so much as a second thought, one of my friends pointed out the uncertain emotion I was going through: survivors guilt. After which she told me to be kind to myself.

The song "Be Kind" featuring Marshmello x Halsey was meant to be digested as an anthem of encouragement and bliss...

Today, however, it feels like so much more than that. It speaks to me on a level a song hasn't felt in a while. While I know I'll bounce back from feeling like I just swallowed a bitter pill sans the la Croix to break it down, can't help but feel the lump in my throat and this song is a reminder to go easy on yourself.

The first verse is an affirmation of what I am currently going through in my head:

Wanna believe, wanna believe

That you don't have a bad bone in your body

But the bruises on your ego make you go wild, wild, wild, yeah

Wanna believe, wanna believe

That even when you're stone cold, you're sorry

Tell me why you gotta be so outta your mind, yeah

This verse can be interpreted from all sorts of angles, but I view it as a conversation with oneself.

Many people have stood in front of the mirror, feeling at their lowest and most vulnerable, reiterating that we'd like to believe we're good people even though our egos may suggest otherwise. These egos inflate causing us to behave in irritate ways.

There are certain situations causing us to shut down and put on a poker face, but deep down we hope that we're better than that...perhaps a little bit more fragile beneath the surface.

I know you're chokin' on your fears

Already told you I'm right here

I will stay by your side every night

I don't know why you hide from the one

And close your eyes to the one

Mess up and lie to the one that you love

When you know you can cry to the one

Always confide in the one

You can be kind to the one that you love

Ah

The chorus is a continuation of the conversation prior, but this time it serves as a reminder that no matter how bad things get, we are going to be with each other every night. We have to learn to face our fears, conquer our worst demons and come to terms with our erratic behavior.

We do things that are deviant and make no sense to a sensible, logical third person outsider.

Again, I am viewing this from the perspective of being with oneself. The truth is, we hide things from ourselves to ease the pain. We turn the other way. We lie to ourselves to convince ourselves of a skewed reality, but why?

We're with each other all day and all night every day so why not be kind to ourselves?

I know you need, I know you need

The upper hand even when we aren't fighting

'Cause in the past, you had to prepare every time, yeah

Don't wanna leave, don't wanna leave

But if you're gonna fight, then do it for me

I know you're built to love, but broken now, so just try, yeah

The second verse is talking about control. People who typically consider themselves "control freaks" seek to have the upper hand in any given situation.

If they don't, they're not prepared to face these things head on.

Then it goes on to say that despite feeling broken, try to interject some energy and fight for the person that you love...which in my digest of this song is yourself.

Pick up the pieces one by one and give yourself a fighting chance.

I know it's hard for you, but it's not fair

Going sick in the head, tryna get you there

And I know it's hard for you, but it's not fair

It's not fair

This bridge situated between the second chorus and leading up to the final chorus verse is purely referencing the survivors guilt I've been feeling throughout the day.

This emotion is difficult to decipher and it's not fair to feel that way. There's a waves of thoughts while the sane part of you is trying to figuratively cross "the bridge" and get itself across.

Once again, if you're going through this, the lyrics speak for themselves when they reiterate that this feeling is hard and is not fair.

Which then circles back to the final chorus...reminding you to be kind to the one that you love...

Whether this person is you or someone outside of you...please be kind to yourself...and if you feel like you don't love you, just know that I do.