Music that has gotten me through some tough times

When 2018 started, I never thought it was going to be the year that would open the door to close to three years of stress and grief. It started off so well -- I'd had an operation that literarlly saved my life and opened my eyes to new prioroties, namely making myself feel better and not focusing al my energy on a job I'd grown to hate. But I was working on a new novel and I felt like I was in a good place creatively.

That all changed in September.

The job I'd grown to hate became untenable, so I quit and started freelancing. Then in October, a good friend died unexpectedly. And then another friend died way too soon in December. And then, the day before my birthday, my brother died. I lost my writing mojo. My novel sat neglected for months. I couldn't even find any joy in reading the first draft or the notes I'd written.

What got me through it was intense grief counseling and a lot of music. Grief counseling gave me tools to deal with the anger, depression and grief. Music filled my soul.

"Say a Little Prayer" - Lianne La Havas

Whenever I hear this song, I am reminded of my childhood. Of course, it's more connected to the original version by Dionne Warwick and listening while my mother sang along. My brother knew all the words to it, even when he was a wee one, and he'd join her in singing along. I can picture it so clearly in my mind -- my brother and me in the back seat of my mom's car, my older sister in the front passenger seat and my mom driving...and all of us singing along and laughing. It's a song that feels like summer for me, no matter what time of year I hear it. And it reminds me of a time when my brother was not battling diabetes and depression. And it makes me smile as I long for the innocence of those times.

"Lights Up" - Harry Styles

For some reason, this song just sweeps away the blues for me. I never thought I would end up being a Harry Styles fan. But whenever I hear this song, I feel calm and happy and I want to dance. It also makes me want to tip my head back and be kissed a thousand times by my husband, and he usually has no problem delivering those kisses.

"I'd Rather Dance with You" - Kings of Convenience

Another song that always lifts my mood is "I'd Rather Dance with You" by the Kings of Convenience. The first time I heard this song, I was in Vienna for a long weekend. I'd hit a rough patch with a friend whom I eventually realized was too toxic for my life and eventually had to let go of -- but this song made me happy and it's one that I often sing to myself when I am in a mood. Or when I am out taking a walk and the spring flowers make me feel like life is okay and I can finally shrug off my winter fog.

"Wonderland" - Minnie Ripperton

Minnie Ripperton's music reminds me of childhood summers spent in Smithfield, Virginia. It also reminds me of falling in love with the Swede who convinced me to leave the US and start over with him in Stockholm. He's been my rock through so much of these crazy times. This particular song was playing on repeat in Richmond, Virginia that first usmmer we spent together. I'm not sure why. By then, Minnie Ripperton had been dead for many years but her music seemed to be rediscovered by some of the radio stations in Richmond during the summer of 1993. So for me, this song is all about falling in love with my Swede and how I felt that summer...and it makes my heart sing.

"Why Can't We Live Together" - Sade

Listening to Sade reminds me of high school and college in Philadelphia. Even though those weren't always the best times for me, this song reminds me of hot, sticky summers and feeling like anything was possible, that we could affect change if we really wanted it.

"Dreaming" - Blondie

If you ask me what song is often going through my head? It's this one. I still remember the first time I heard it. I was nine years old and grpwing up in Philadelphia. I just knew that this song spoke to me. Whenever I heard it on the radio, I had to turn the volume up high. It drove my mom and dad crazy but eventually they got used to it and would sing along too.

"Temptation" - New Order

Another song that reminds me of high school and college. Whenever I hear it, it pulls me out of whatever weird mood I am in. I start dancing, I scream along...I drive my neighbors crazy and I don't give a damn. It makes me feel better.

I admit it: they're not the most zenlike songs, but they work for me.

Maybe they'll work for you too.