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Life's Melodies

We Dance

By M.B. CarterPublished 10 months ago 7 min read
2
A glimpse into my home

My grandmother insisted I start piano lessons when I was six. I studied for ten years but it wasn’t my thing. I’m a writer and a vocalist. My husband is a musician as well as my son. Music is a language on a subterranean level. I have a bunch of playlists. One for summer, one for the shower, one for encouragement, old school, stuff I love right now, other random compilations…I have a collection of vinyl that includes 45s and so many compact discs. I still have my iPod. It’s the one with the wheel and it no longer works but I loved it and can’t bear to let it go.

Teena Marie is my favorite artist but her music is not included in this list. She would need an entire playlist of her own. Yeah, okay, she has a playlist of her own. But that’s another conversation. As much as I enjoy music, searching through memories in order to put together this list was akin to riding a rollercoaster. Enjoyable and terrifying. Music and dogs. They save us.

https://youtu.be/0XRrYgByp28

Raise your hand if you still possess the first 45 you ever bought. My mother married when I was almost 11. I was a quiet, shy, introspective child and our home was tumultuous. My parents fought often. I didn’t feel nurtured or protected or even understood. It was scary. I didn’t think I was special, but home life made it clear to me that wasn’t. It was at some type of spring or summer gathering that I first heard Easy by the Commodores and it was the song that started my music collection. I may not have understood why it spoke to me at the time, but it was who I was and my unavoidable circumstances were changing me.

https://youtu.be/58ozSIN_3Xk

Strong women have always appealed to me, although as a child I didn’t recognize it as that. My preferred fictional characters were Jill, Sabrina and Kelly, Cleopatra Jones, Pepper Anderson. I had to develop a thick skin and they helped. Later in life, I connected the dots with Sydney Bristow, Sarah Connor, and Ellen Ripley. I watched women in my own life and didn’t recognize myself. Perhaps it was coming of age during the height of the feminist movement, but I was pro women doing it for themselves. Real ass women who are vulnerable and hardy are my jam. I bought two houses on my own, earned my master’s degree and raised a successful male child. Even though being strong is an advantage it can also be a disadvantage. But I seriously rock out to American Woman: Muddy Magnolias.

https://youtu.be/XmH9rIWx6hs

For a time, I was a radio announcer. I worked with a man who played an old school hour at noon. He was a special human. He wasn’t without fault, but he truly was one of those people who would, as they say, give you the shirt off his back. Some of the tunes he played were so obscure we’d wonder where on earth they came from. But one day he played Not On The Outside: Linda Jones. She’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I really love her style. That deep warble full of emotion hooked me immediately. My mother had the album. Had is the optimal word here because I actually have the 1972 Turbo Records recording in my collection. When I listen to this tune, I think of the man who introduced it to me.

https://youtu.be/IoNli84m1mQ

The hospital serves two steak dinners when a baby is born: one for each parent. I ate them both defiantly with my newborn watching or sleeping or whatever brand-new humans do. I felt alone, broken and terrified of what was to come. I had been ridiculed, admonished, shamed for being unwed. I was unemployed, judged and heartbroken. It was the most painful period of my life. My still-in-love pregnant self would imagine planting my Nissan Sentra on the Railroad tracks and waiting for the train. In private I prayed and cried constantly but tried to hold my head up in the presence of others. However, I cannot imagine a path of life that does not include my son. And though there were times I wanted to run my former lover over with my car and back up over him, I’d Do it All Again: Corinne Bailey Rae.

https://youtu.be/OvZPXt3MgrY

Anyone who has children know. My son is truly my first love. He’s arguably my best love. If I’d known the depths of the emotion I would feel for him, I sincerely would have worked harder on the world. Single mothers are a dime a dozen and yet we are superheroes. I would slay a dragon to protect him, take a bullet, beat a bitch down for that kid. I would cry every tear and clear his path in perpetuity. But that’s not our job and that would not service him. My job was to prepare him for this world. My job was to let him go. Now I hold my breath as I watch him out in the world doing his thing. I can’t cry his tears for him, but I would If I could: Regina Belle and I love Barbra Streisand’s and Nancy Wilson’s versions as well.

https://youtu.be/xFrGuyw1V8s

Cue the YouTube moment. I will completely embarrass myself if Dancing Queen: Abba comes on anywhere in public. The piano, the strings, the harmonies…When I was younger, I’d go out hoping to meet someone. As much as I love to dance, there was always a reservedness because you don’t want to look ridiculous in front of a potential king, right? But I grew out of that. This tune makes me dance like nobody’s watching. In fact, they should join.

https://youtu.be/6QvX4CwSmwY

When I recall the 3:00 mornings I considered driving to the track and waiting for the train, this song comes to me. Gentle hands hold me when I feel broken. As a church girl, I led My Redeemer Lives: Nicole C. Mullen in the choir, nervous and praying I could do it justice.

https://youtu.be/7M4kX6LWmX4

Better Days: Dianne Reeves pairs well with “If I Could.” People refer to it as The Grandma Song but it’s more than that. It’s about trusting that the hard times will lead to good times. It’s about understanding that life is ups and downs. It’s about getting bumped and bruised, tossed around, and surviving. It tells us life is long and hard but worth it. It was a hard listen when my grandma was alive but without her, it’s almost unbearable. I simply would not have survived my childhood without her. But it needs to be said that she dyed her hair well into her 90s and it was rarely neatly combed.

https://youtu.be/wIKLEo4URxM

Out of the pain comes the best things. 31+ years later, I’m still salty about how I was judged when I was pregnant. (Hold grudges much? Yep.) I will fight anybody that tells me my boy isn’t meant to be. Seriously, pull up and find me waiting on the curb. He’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Tar Baby: Sade

https://youtu.be/OX5TCsijotE

Vary my days. Who can do that like a significant other? My son and I traveled by road trip to Arizona when I turned 40. We purposely dined at https://www.blackbartssteakhouse.com so I could request this brilliant Stephen Sondheim song from Broadway’s Company. They combed the staff and managed to find someone in the back who knew it. I challenge anyone to find a song that better describes sharing one’s life with another. We need help surviving Being Alive: Barbra Streisand’s version.

https://youtu.be/XXx6RDzR6eM

I imagined I would feel this way about the man I married. I would choose wisely, and we would dance to Let’s Stay Together at our wedding. But when I entered my 40s without anyone in my life, meh. The universe is strange, and not only did we dance to Al Green at our wedding when I was 51, we invited the couples to join us. It’s a memory that will push through any dementia I might develop someday. Whenever and wherever my husband and I are when we hear it, we dance.

playlist
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About the Creator

M.B. Carter

Just a girl who loves to write and is still trying to figurei it all out.

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