In The End

“In the end, as we fade into the night

Who will tell the story of your life?”

October 2019 My mother was suddenly ripped away from this world. Taken by a blood clot to her heart, covered in the shadow of pneumonia. None of us saw it coming. She was sick from the pneumonia, but no close to death. Turned out Death had been lurking over her shoulder. We were all to blind to see it. None of us would believe you if you told us she was going to be in the hospital, fighting for her life, one normal Friday morning. With nurses and doctors struggling to save her life. Pushing deep into her chest to keep her blood flowing and get her heart to start beating again. We would have laughed at you.

She was to stubborn to let Death take her. Strong, determined, tough, unbending. Those are just some of the words to describe her. She wouldn’t let something tiny like a blood clot kill her, but it did. It took her from us without a goodbye.

There is a song that was released back in 2013 called ‘In The End’ by Black Veil Brides. This was my mom’s absolute favorite song. She would ask me or my sister to play it on repeat. She would sing along at the top of her lungs. I can still hear her voice in the back of my mind. Her melodic, tuneful, sweet voice. One that sung me to sleep at night when I was a little girl or when I was sick. I find it fitting for her now. They sing about not being afraid to die. Who will tell the story of your life? Who will remember your last goodbye? My mother’s favorite song bleeds her memory into it as I listen to it.

I hold it close to my heart, but as true as it may be, I can’t help but wondering how my mom felt about death. I’m an author who writes about death. Death isn’t something I’m afraid of, except for maybe my family. I always said I wanted to go first, so I don’t need to go through the pain of them leaving me. Either way, I don’t think my mom was afraid either. She knew she would die one day, but I don’t think she thought she would go so soon. I don’t think she thought her goodbye to me the night before would be her last. I never thought I would say ‘I love you’ to her for the final time with her being unconscious, laying in a hospital bed with wires hooked up to her. In the end you don’t really know when your final goodbye will be.

My mom was my rock, my support system. She was fun loving, stubborn and a royal pain in my butt sometimes, but I loved her with everything I had. She was always there for me. She was my editor for my books. She inspired me to keep writing even though she hated what I wrote about. She made me believe in myself. To keep fighting even when I wanted to quit. I still don’t know how I’m going to live without her. She always knew what to say and when to say it. No matter how much it could hurt. She was brutally honest and told you like it is, but she still believed in you. She loved me. She told me every day.

In the end, she will always be remembered. Her story will live on without her. The song asks, who will tell the story of your life? Who will tell the story of my mother’s? I will. My sister, my dad, my daughter will. My daughter may have only known my mom for six years of her life, but she knows how her grandma is. She hugs and talks to the cremation box every time she sees it. She talks highly of her grandma. I know she will never forget her.

My mom isn’t someone you can forget. She was a person who you didn’t know you needed. Now that she’s gone, I need her more than ever.