I Want To Be Left Alone

I will admit straight up, I am not single. However, I was single for so many years that the feeling has never gone completely away, even though I know that guy I see every morning, and I'm married to, isn’t going anywhere. A part of me is still single.

Some say they love being single, but I am of the opinion that my definition of single and theirs is a bit different. If you have enough money to do what you want, if you have someone you can call and say let’s go out, and they do, if you matter to someone, you are not single. You are simply unmarried. Everyone wants someone, that when they call, they answer the phone, when they are late getting home, they want to know why, even if they don't share the same house. You may not always want them to do these things, but you always want them to try.

Now, the playlist. There are some songs I just want to listen to by myself, I want to zone out and go to a different place that includes no one but me and the music. At the top of this list, is “Epitaph” by King Crimson, it is not about love, or lack of love, It has no beat, and you sure can’t dance to it, but what you can do very well, is listen to it all by yourself.

Next on the playlist, one that everyone knows, and needs no explanation, “A Day in the Life” by The Beatles. If you want to listen to that song, to hear every shade of, 'I never knew that could be put in a song', you want to be alone. On the romance scale, minus 50.

I can’t leave out my favorite Jackson Browne song to listen to by myself, “The Load Out”. This one is a bit about love, because Jackson wrote it for his roadies. However, I don’t want anyone saying one word to me when that song is playing, especially when, wait, wait, wait, David Lindley starts to sing “Stay”. Who wants someone lurking around when the hair on your arms is standing on end?

Next, a song that is so perfect it has been covered many times by many different voices; the song is a chameleon. I want to be by myself as I wring out every elusive phrase, because I suspect that when Keith Reid wrote this, he was channeling the poet W. H. Auden. What else could it be? “A Whiter Shade of Pale”, by Procol Harum.

Not to be out done, Neil Young has made the perfect version of a song to listen to again and again, even though he played it to a crowd, it is best listened to alone. The movie he made with Daryl Hannah, Paradox, has a long instrumental version of "Cowgirl in the Sand" with the band Promise of the Real. It is mesmerizing, and I am listening to it now with head phones as I finish this essay.

February 14th is the day everybody loves to hate, pretty much the whole world has an issue with that day on the calendar, because it's Valentine’s Day. If you are single, a spotlight shines on you all day, why are you single? If you are not single, there is pressure to make it special, you must get the right card, the best gift, the prettiest words for whomever that person is that made you not single. Heaven help those who are not even sure if they are single or in a real relationship, Valentine's day is fraught with worry and apprehension for everyone. Just like some buildings don't have a 13th floor, calendars should not have a 14 in the month of February.

The best music, I listen to when I am all alone, with nobody else, when I listen to this music, I prefer to be by myself.