How Stars got me through

During this pandemic, before that even, the lingering malaise that has covered the world, in suffering, in pain, in disease and anxiety, has filled me with dread. It’s more than that basic existential dread, it is more of a sudden burst of inexplicable, terrifying consternation. The worry for the well being of others. Of humanity as a whole.

These feelings that are as indescribable as they are relatable have always been punctuated with art, books, music and media. To somehow bottle up a feeling in a song, to encapsulate a moment or an expression in a paragraph of a novel, or of an experience in a painting.

To actually hear the feeling of loneliness. To see the feeling of utter joy. Of the most intense pain, of terrible loss. Of love, kissing and dreams.

Nina Simone can do all of that in one song. In one word. In one verse. In a single breath.

She is known for many things, as a Civil Rights activist, as a jazz and folk singer, song writer, and as a hot tempered woman who wouldn’t take crap from anyone —even her own audience.

She took the most painful and melancholic feelings, and turned them into something magnificent. Almost like an epic ballad.

I discovered Nina by accident searching for new music at a Barnes and Noble over ten years ago when I got into my jazz phase as a teenager... a phase that turned into a lifelong love affair. I fell in love with Nina.

There were others, of course. Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James and many more talented jazz artists. But Nina was something special. A force to be reckoned with. A true tour de force. A lot of things that have to do with force, but as everyone would agree, she came onto the jazz scene with gusto and prowess, and that may be intimidating to some—but to the rest of us—-it was powerful.

Jazz was never something anyone ever introduced me to, but like a cannon blast, it hit me suddenly one day and after that I was never the same. I never looked at music the same way again, especially after listening to Nina Simone.

When I first heard, “I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl,” I was instantly smitten. Her vocals were bold, unapologetic, smoky, smooth like honey... and I could not get enough. I instantly bought her CD, having only listened to one or two of her songs. Her raspy, sad, almost angry sounding at times contralto voice vibrated through my soul, and it gave me chills, but grounded me.

There was this particular feeling that I got when I first heard, “Stars,”... and it was when I was watching an episode of Bojack Horseman. The feeling was an overwhelming sense of love and forgiveness for humanity. Of all of our shared memories, pain, love, depression, and joy.

I know what you are probably thinking. Over a episode of Bojack?! Silly, right?

But, it was so good. The two somewhat contrasting forms of media meshed together in such a way that dramatically highlighted the importance of the scene, and drew an emotionally resonant arc for the story and the character.

But it was more than just about the song, or the show, or how I was feeling at that moment.

It was a shared pain.

That feeling that we all knew exactly what Nina was crooning on about, and why Bojack let go of his control of his car, because he didn’t actually ever have control of anything or anyone—especially himself. And with Nina’s strong and powerful chords slowly working up that wonderful and cathartic climax, singing—

And we always have a story.

I was absolutely enthralled.

I cried and I laughed, thinking, yes, you are right Nina. We all have a story. We all want to be free. We all want to live our lives the way we want to live it.

I love her so much because by listening to, “Stars,” I found something in myself that I thought I lost.

That shared sense of humanity.

Of loss, pain, misery, love, kissing and dreamin’.

This is one of the most cathartic experiences for me—-to listen to that painful and gorgeous song, Stars, because it helps me resolve my own tension and stress.

With her brilliant interpretation of, “I loves you, Porgy,” she won the Grammy Hall of Fame Award in 2000. There really is no contest when it came to who made the most intense and creative covers; she always made it her own and gave it an original flair that no one could surpass.

To me, she is a luminous woman, who was and still is a legend, and one of the most talented and interesting musicians I ever had the opportunity to get to know. Through her music, through her pain and her joy, we all can know her.

And through that, she’ll live forever.