Hangnails (Anxiety)

Verse 1

"Trust is hard," you tell me.

"I want the truth," I say.

But really that's the last thing I can handle.

Was love part of the plan,

when you first touched my hand?

Was a future in your mind,

as we left loneliness behind?

Chorus

Why do I worry all the time

when things are going fine?

What's this black disturbance

beneath my glassy surface?

Why can't I just learn to love

the way things are and not be always

picking at the hangnails.

Verse 2

I can't help catastrophising

every moment you're not confiding.

Your silence is a sentence.

Your unsaid words are ringing in my ears.

When you're in your thoughts,

am I there too?

Or do you go there

to get away from me?

Chorus

Why do I worry all the time

when things are going fine?

What's this black disturbance

beneath my glassy surface?

Why can't I just learn to love

the way things are and not be always

picking at the hangnails.

Bridge

I'm addicted to anxiety!

If I'm not worrying,

there's something wrong.

I wish I could still my insides.

And let life's patterns

be a beautiful surprise.

Your inner world is a foreign land.

One day please take me with you,

through your touch, your love, your dedication...

Because I know that inside you,

I'll be all right.

Pre-chorus

But who am I to ask this?

I am a prison to myself.

If I can't love me,

how can I expect you to?

Chorus

Why do I worry all the time

when things are going fine?

What's this black disturbance

beneath my glassy surface?

Why can't I just learn to love

the way things are and not be always

picking at the hangnails!

Outro

(Picking myself apart...)

Picking at the hangnails!

(Tearing myself to pieces...)

Picking at the hangnails!

(Bleeding, tearing, clawing at myself, apart...)

Picking at the hangnails!

Wishing one day I can let myself pick you...

Author's Note

The lyrics are 100% my work, but the music (including the singer's voice) is produced by SUNO, a generative AI, with some tweaks and edits in GarageBand.

I feel obliged to make this disclaimer: I'm pretty conflicted about AI music. But since Vocal.Media is a showcase for writing – not music production – I feel OK using AI music to illustrate my writing, the same as I use AI images. But it's an unnecessary evil and an ill omen for the future financial viability of all art.

This is probably the last AI music I will post on Vocal. But I can't deny the joy it has given me. It has been a dream to write lyrics then hear them 'performed' in this way.

In fact, hearing the way the AI interprets my words has made me go back and rewrite lots of lines, so in that sense it has been a huge aid to my creativity.

Perhaps this is the best use and purpose of AI, to give us a foreign perspective, even an alien perspective, on ourselves and our thinking. Ultimately I hope it can make us better humans.

Thank you for reading and listening 🥰