Drum Roll, Please...

Compassion by definition is “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.”( - Oxford Dictionary) However, we could get more mileage out of such a powerful word if we expand the meaning of the word into the things we feel passionate, enthusiastic about. The things that bring us joy, motivate and excite us. I want to distinguish this feeling from living vicariously from another’s experience since that feels like something that is not earned. I’m talking about a thought fullness and heart fullness that happens among strangers and friends when we allow ourselves to feel what others are feeling.

Compassion among cohorts, companions in cooperation, collaboration within community. The concept of working collectively feels like an interweaving of an energetic safety net as we take on new challenges. The safety net gives you the confidence to take a leap in your attempts to learn how to fly. As we try to move from our nests, the feeling that you have people who are compassionate to both of your struggles and your joys gives us a type of freedom. When this is recipricated, there is the foundation for a great companionship.

True friendship is when this exchange of compassion is tangible, real, and consistently flowing within a relationship. I love this idea of compassion being in celebration of others' joys and interests. Last night for instance, I went to see one of my best friends drumming debut. Her first time playing a full drum kit, live - five sexy ladies ready to rock and roll. I wasn’t selfless - this is my version of compassion. A woman I love, my friend, is about to bare her soul - exposed, vulnerable, raw - by performing in front of a live audience. For my part, I get to hear live music for the first time in over a year, and I get to feel good that I’m adding to her feeling of the safety net, should the bottom drop out.

I’m feeling her nervousness and her excitement at the sound check in front of 50-60 people. I’m also experiencing her utter joy and release from banging on those drums. Because I know her, I understand how important it is for her to have full permission to make a lot of noise. A woman who takes great pains not to impose herself, even on an inchworm that might be eating her apple. I see how she’s transmuted her reluctance to project her will into a practice of setting the rhythm, controlling the tone. I’m delighted to see her ease in settling into a role she both needs and is fearful of.

The audience is grooving with the band. I’m totally with her, with the band, thus I dance in the waning light of the setting sun - surrounded by pastel hues of the open fields. The band is syncing in and the end of the song approaches, and with it the drama and finality of the drum roll...and she lets it all out. I’m right along with her - you can hear it, feel it, right? - every hit, smack, slap, sequence, arms akimbo, the feet tapping with practiced muscle memory - she’s bringing it home. And then, there is that look on her face; I’ve experienced it before in the light of many moments of raucous laughter in our private conversations, in our intimate sharings...but this is something different. I’m getting to share her experience of being lit up in front of an audience of friends, family and strangers. As she rolls into that last bang, making the final thump-thump-thump, she points the drumsticks towards the audience as I have seen many drummers do. The gesture feels like universal sign language for “Back at you!!! bitches!” She‘s exuberant-that I can’t tell if she’s actually, for a suspended second, floating off her seat. The energy is reciprocated, there is the flow and exchange, and life feels perfectly realized at that moment. There’s a lot of hooting and hollering.

Perhaps, it’s wrong of me to want to expand the definition of compassion to include feelings beyond that of suffering. Or perhaps, it’s my understanding that there is duality in everything, so one cannot experience great joy without knowing and having become wiser from the other. Perhaps, I’m starting to practice to allow myself to feel….everything, the good, the bad, your stuff, my stuff, and everything in between to get to the truth of what it means for us to be conscious beings on this crazy, lovely, awesome journey we call life.