Classical GAS

Classical Gas, a classic from the late 60’s. Some of you may know it well and others have probably, never heard it, or heard of it. It is an instrumental piece composed and originally performed by Mason Williams. The 1968 hit was recorded by Mason, an American guitarist, with instrumental backing by members of the Wrecking Crew.

My introduction to the, much loved instrumental, was an interpretive, live performance by Tommy Emmanuel in the late 80’s. Here is a link to a 2011 version by Tommy, on his YouTube Channel. I’ll be very surprised, if you don’t love it.

So, what has Classical Gas to do with my guitar collection?

Apart from the obvious, objective, similarity; people keep telling me that I have classical, GAS. I didn’t know what they meant at first. Was it to do with poor diet or irritable bowel syndrome?

No. Apparently, GAS is Gear Acquisition Syndrome.

Do I really have too many Guitars?

Say what! Is it that obvious? Do I really have too many Guitars?

Then I thought about it. I didn’t really know how many guitars I owned. A quick mental inventory and I lost count somewhere after ten!

A Ceremonial Cleanout

The only option was a cleanout. So, I sold a few. A super-Strat, a Flying-V and my prized, American-made, EVH Wolfgang. The last sale, that loss, still haunts me to this day, a few of years later!

But did my GAS subside? Was that methanic devil, exorcised from my soul?

Exploding Head Syndrome?

While not exactly Exploding Head Syndrome, the reduced inventory only made the acquisition noise louder. Since then, the collection has increased by, four Les Paul’s, 2 Strat’s, a Tele and a PRS. OUCH!

The GAS-line remained un-tapped.

Why collect more stringed beauties, when you can only play one at any given time? I have them placed strategically around the house, available, and able to be picked-up and stroked, at any time.

Strategic Excuses

Am I just kidding myself? Is my strategy valid and envisioned, or just another excuse to justify my menagerie? Do I truly have a bug in my brain, a syndrome?

Am I a victim of Classical GAS?

While not untested and undocumented on the Mental Health front. Is this, yet another diagnosis to add to a growing list of syndromes, birthed from life or psychoanalysis?

I don’t know the answer to that and really don’t want to investigate it too deeply. I have a rule now, that before a new baby enters the house, at least one must leave. So far, the rule, the strategy, has held firm and kept the team within a score.

A Larrikin from South of the Equator

A friend of mine, a bit of a larrikin, once told me a story. Or more likely, spun me an Aussie yarn.

A young, married man had a guitar collection. Some would say excessive, especially his bride. But he had it, all "under control", and didn’t fathom how large it was getting.

His wife kept hinting, then suggesting and finally insisting. Until one day, she beat him to death with a few of his favourites, from a profusion of choice.

Well of course, she was arrested, charged and appeared in Court. The trial began and the Judge asked, “First offender?”

To which she replied, “No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!”

Compressed GAS and an Explosive Temper

So, I guess, GAS may be dangerous after all.

Classical Gas Reprise

I really like, Classical Gas. Both the original and the many versions since then. Particularly Tommy’s. I just wish I could play it as well and as passionately as him.

Maybe that is the secret. If I spend more time playing my Guitars, rather than lusting after them. The GAS will evaporate by itself, without rules and strategies.

Whatever my outcome, I will say one more thing, from the heart. For those of you who are struggling through these unusual, trying times. There is nothing more engrossing, fulfilling and delightful, as learning to play a musical instrument.

Just stay away from spicy food!

Tim StiX January 2020.

Tim StiX is a Software Engineer with over 20 years’ experience designing, developing and maintaining Web Technologies and is the Developer and Site Administrator of www.101world.net and bok.101world.net.

Tim StiX is The Sober Bard on Vocal.